Do They Have 12-Step Programs for Ballroom?

It’s official. Dance class has crossed the line from “hobby” to “addiction.”

How do I know? It isn’t my insistence that Lenny and I attend every single regular class, make-up class, or refresher course that we can. It’s not because when I listen to ANY music, I’m searching for the beat and naming out the dance (Did you know that Goldfrappe’s “Ooh La La” is a great song for a swing?). It’s not even the fact that I just plopped down $86 for a really nice pair of dance shoes!

Oh no. Dance class became an addiction when I bought the $2 brush for the soles of those shoes.

But is it really an addiction? Why is it when you add “addict” to “dance,” it sounds like I’m curled up in fetal position in a corner because I didn’t attend a session this week. Put the word “addict” in there, and ballroom dance all of a sudden feels…DIRTY. Being addicted to something makes it sound seedy, like people are whispering behind our backs.

“Ooooh! Did you hear the news?

“No…what’s up?”

“Lily and Lenny White? Total DANCE ADDICTS.”

“Tsk. Tsk. And they were such a nice couple.”

“Um hmm. They probably hang out at juke joints dancing for anything with a beat.”

“Hm. They’re probably high on Samba. What a pity...cigarette?”

“No thanks…I’m trying to cut back to two packs a day.”

Today, anything and everything is an addiction. But it’s not as abnormal as you might think it is. My Social Physchology professor told us on the first day of college that addiction is part of human nature. Humans get a hold of something and we either can live with it or we crave it. Unfortunately, even the most innocent and simple things get caught up in that definition nowadays. It’s just not a pretty or nice word and it should be reserved for substances and behaviors that are destructive.

I can understand why we’re so quick to tack on the word “addict” for compulsive wants/behaviors. For a lot of us, addiction has had a negative connotation ever since we were old enough to “Just Say No.” Countless public service announcements, ABC After School Specials, and more than a few episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 dealt with the subject of addiction. The message was loud and clear: Hugs not drugs (Or excessive amounts of alcohol….hey, there’s a DIFFERENCE)!

Even Merriam-Webster links the word in definition to these vices:

Pronunciation: \ə-‘dik-shən, a-\
Function: noun
Date: 1599
1: the quality or state of being addicted
2: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

But seriously, we have to snap out of misusing this word or we’ll look back on this time in history and go “Was there a 12-step program for EVERYTHING?!” Everyone who wants to be remembered as the portion of civilization who couldn’t handle lip balm usage, raise your hand. Yeah…that’s what I thought. Come on people…help yourselves out, because that’s just ridiculous!

A Starbuck’s habit might suck the life out of your pocket book like smoker buying cigarettes, but last we checked, coffee wasn’t responsible for at least two types of cancer. My need to go to dance class is nothing compared to someone who’s willing to sell themselves for a hit of the drug du jour. Lenny’s obsession with Weird Al Yankovic never killed anything, alcohol on the other hand has racked quiet the death toll.

Use the word addiction for the serious stuff like illness, harmful obsessive behavior, and chemical dependencies. Not for habits like amassing the largest Hello Kitty sticker collection in the world!

…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Is there?

***Please note: Lily White DOES NOT have a Hello Kitty stick collection.