It Always Starts with You
By all accounts – all 13-year old Megan Meier was guilty of was being a regular teenage girl.
For those of us who have been or have teenage girls, we know what that entails. For those of you who can’t relate, take a gander a Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabees. The book describes the world of typical teenage girls as they more or less fight with each other to fit in their own high school cliques. The sleeper movie hit, Mean Girls was based off the concepts in the book.
While the movie may not be the best real world example – it does give the general idea. With all the hormones flying around at that age, girls have tiffs. One day they are total BFF’s – the next day they’re frenemies. It’s the circle of life with teenage girls today. I’ve seen it happen to younger sisters, my speech and debate students, and children of friends.
To be brutally honest: It might be petty and stupid fights, but they happen and we generally work it out in the end. With a little help from role models and their own wits, things work out in the end. Nobody should ever die from this stuff.
But Megan Meier did.
Meier ended her life by hanging herself in her bedroom closet. The source of her sorrow turned out to be the end of an internet friendship with a 16-year old boy who never existed. He came into existence allegedly due to the machinations of a neighbor girl’s mother, Lori Drew. Drew’s daughter and Megan were formerly friends. But when that friendship ended, Drew purportedly sought retaliation. The weapon of choice was a fictionalized MySpace account of a boy named Joshua.
Drew and an employee proceeded to lure Megan into thinking he was interested in her and then subjected her to why is being touted as “cyber bullying,” ending in Megan’s suicide in October 2006.
While Drew was indicted today on federal computer charges that she intended to use her computer in a fraudulent manner to inflict and humiliate Megan Meier, I find myself mentally wondering how it all got to this point? What fight or comment would ignite a mother’s protective nature to pick on another kid because they’re no longer friends with their daughter? What thought process do you go through to willfully plan this out and talk others into doing it?
And what makes you think that that’s the role model your daughter needs to see?
As a society, we bitch a lot that famous-for-nothing celebutants and hard partying actresses are bad role models for girls today. What I usually hear is that we’re just glorifying “porno chic” and turning our younger generation into material obsessed prostitots. But while we’re all busy blaming music, television, video games, and the media – why aren’t we looking at what should be the root of all our learning and behavior: The parent.
The “adult” in this situation is a very sad case of a role model. As the adult in the situation, why did she feel the need to go after a 13-year old? Some Drew defenders also point the finger at Megan’s mom who allowed her to have a MySpace account when the minimum age requirement is 14-years old. But to me, the burden of all this does sit squarely on Drew’s shoulders.
Good female role models don’t teach retaliation. They don’t build MySpace pages and then suddenly delete them when your “lesson” comes crashing down around you. You should know better than to lower yourself to pick on a 13-year old for something, in the long run, that is probably nothing. Now, one teenager is dead, you’re on trial for your freedom, and you’ve dragged your daughter into the middle of a media circus.
Was it worth it?
As a woman in my 30s, I know that life isn’t fair. But strong women know how to roll with those punches and seek a higher plane of thinking. A strong female will teach the younger generation the difference between right and wrong. A good role model knows there is nothing to be gained from trying to get over on someone else. Sometimes, the best path in life is to just move on.
I know this particular post sounds preachy – but in reading the story of Megan Meier’s death – it just reinforced inside of me that I am always being watched by the young girls and young adults I associate with. Sure they see Paris, Lindsay, and Britney on TV all day long. But in the end, they will emulate what is closest proximity to them.
In the end, it’s the choices of the everyday woman – whether they be a mom, aunt, sister, cousin, or teacher – that will define the future of these girls. So as adult women, we must be vigilant. If we don’t hold up our end of the rope, more “goofy and sweet” girls like Megan won’t live to help those that come after them.
posted by Lillian T. White @ 10:36 PM
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