Running out of Options, Girl!

Dear Britney,

Sweetie...please look at the above picture.

Now go to a mirror and look at your ass in those pants you were just wearing on MTV.

Great, now bend over and kiss your career goodbye.

Because seriously, you are probably never going to reach the heights of "Pythons as hot props" ever again!

Lenny and I just took in your performance of "Gimme Some More." And we would really just love it if you would give us less. What we just saw on television did not win us back over to Team Britney.

Maybe you should have taken a tip from that old church joke: Sip your vodka, not gulp it before going out to perform. It kind of slowed you down, my friend. In case you didn't know, alcohol seriously slows down your motor reflexes. You totally let the third dancer from the left steal your thunder with the half-assed, limp-wristed, broke-down-hit-the-skids-showgirl dance effort you showed off.

And if you're going to lip-sync...look like you're into it! At least when Beyonce fell off that stage in Japan, it was because she was going all out with some crazy energy!

I know what you're thinking...I'm being too hard on you. But Britney, baby...you are in need of some tough love! K-Fed is beating you up all over the headlines. You need to pull it together fast because I really don't want to root for the guy who put out "Papazao!"

This performance was the most overhyped piece of crap since I finally checked out Kanye West's "Touch the Sky" video after he kept bitching about being snubbed. You had everything going for you, Brit. People actually liked the song, you had the right people (finally) working with you on this, and you didn't look THAT bad in that costume (Although, we would have recommended hot shorts with just a LITTLE more coverage).

Do every one of your fans (and haters) a favor. Grab a flight to a remote tropical island, hit the gym, make an appointment with a life coach, and send your kids to your Mom. You need some YOU TIME.

...and don't come back until you can end a performance sweating like you did something.

Regards,

Lily White
Casual Observer