Guest Blogger: Been There, Done That, Have the T-Shirt by Elusive Orchid

Today's post is by guest blogger Elusive Orchid. This is her shout out to those of you who are completely happy being single. She has nothing at all against marriage but feels that maybe it isn't for everyone, herself included. Orchid simply wishes other people would understand and not give the happily single crap for wanting to remain that way. She also says raises her glass and says "cheers" to Ms. Lillian T. White who thankfully never gives her shit about it. Hope you enjoy. ~ASilky

So, I’m single again and have been for about a year. Okay so the divorce isn’t final but it’s in its last stages. As far as I’m concerned I’ve been single since I told the ex I wanted the divorce over a year ago. What does this mean for me?

It means simply…I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEE! I’ve always been an independent, confident woman as most of you can probably see from some of my previous posts. My guy friends tell me the independent and confident personality I exhibit is what tends to draw a man to me after the initial attraction. I however have found that it is also what ultimately drives them away.

I’ve dated a bit in the past year and I can honestly say these personality traits haven’t changed one iota. If anything, I am more fiercely independent now than when I was married and I don’t plan on changing it. I like it, as a matter of fact I love it! I can’t imagine being any other way. I find myself in an odd position because of this.

Men in my age group (the thirties) aren’t looking for a happy-go-lucky, just wanna have fun girl (As my previous post noted). They are looking for marriage material. They want someone to build a life with, have children with and grow old with. I am soooooo not going there again. I’ve been there, done that and I have the t-shirt.

Much as I love the opposite sex, I don’t plan on getting married again. I have simply found that it’s not for me. I feel too constrained, boxed in. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want without feeling like I have to answer to someone else. There are enough things in life I have to answer to, my education (and soon my job), my family and to some extent my one and only child.

Speaking of children, much as I love my daughter, I don’t plan on ever having another one. No one ever tells prospective parents how difficult it is to raise a child, especially if both parents aren’t equal partners in the child’s upbringing. For this and a myriad of other reasons I won’t go into, I can’t fathom ever having another one.

So, strikes against me in the dating pool are major, I don’t want to get married and I don’t want anymore children. But, why should this matter? Shouldn’t someone love me for who I am, not what I can give them? Why is society so hung up on marriage and family? In this day and age when almost 50% of marriages fail, did it occur to anyone that maybe this marriage thing isn’t working?

As for children, I really think they get the short end of the stick in today’s world. In a typical household, if these children are lucky enough to have two parents, both are typically working and don’t have time for their offspring. Life is so fast-paced these days, and sad to say it is normally our younger generations that pay the price of this.

I work in the education field and see this constantly. For the majority of the students I teach, their parents are not even involved enough to make sure they complete their homework. Nor do they bother to attend parent conferences even if their children are in danger of failing and being held back.

For me, I expend the majority of my free time taking care of my daughter, playing with her and teaching her new things. I love to spend time with her and I don’t ever regret having her. As she gets older, the constant interaction is starting to lessen as she goes off to explore on her own. I am both happy and sad to see this happen. I’m happy because I have raised a daughter that is independent and confident enough to want to go her own way, but sad because she is growing up. However, sad as I may be, I am not sad enough to want to have another child. Having one is more than enough to keep me busy and I can’t imagine trying to raise another one.

So back to the point at hand, I doubt I will get into a serious relationship again, as for marriage, I’m definitely not planning on it. I say not planning on it because all my friends tell me I can’t predict or control the future and they’re right. Children are a definite no. That I can control and I know I don’t want anymore.

Maybe as I get older I will find a man that has the same state of mind I do, happy with who he is, knows what he wants and doesn’t want to change me. I simply want to enjoy the company of someone who is content to just have fun and loves life for what it is. Until that time I am more than happy to be in my own company and the company of my friends. I can very easily enjoy my life as a single, independent and confident woman.

Marriage (including children) is not for everyone. I already have the t-shirt and I don’t want another.