The Modern Girl Friday: Lily's London Adventure: A Tourist's History Lesson, Part I

“That’s One HUGE Bridge.”

Now, I’ve watched a lot of movies and TV shows that have been filmed in London. They tend to show all the popular landmarks, so I was familiar with the London landscape. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen the Tower Bridge during a movie, but I’ve always been impressed with it. In my previous trip to London, I didn’t get to see it. As you can imagine, I was quite excited that my chance was finally going to come as we made our way to The Tower of London.

My literal first thought: DAMN. That’s one HUGE Bridge.

Now, I’ve seen the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. That one stretches 4,200 feet across the bay. The Tower Bridge spans a mere 880 feet over the Thames River. But when you’re standing in plain sight of it, you can’t help but feel really, really small. And I was standing at least a mile away from it! Truly, the Tower Bridge is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The two main towers poking into the gray sky make it look more like a castle than a bridge. And the peacock blue that colors the suspension and railing don’t seem at all out of place with the city surroundings of London.

Yeah, I geeked out about a bridge. I am the most obvious tourist EVER.

“Yeoman, Yo.”

If you’re seeing the Tower Bridge, you simply MUST go see The Tower of London. William the Conqueror started building the defensive aspect of London with the White Tower in 1066. Since then, additions and roles have changed over its storied history.

Most infamously known as a place of imprisonment and execution, the Tower of London has also been a barracks, royal residence, zoo, royal mint, and (surprise) allegedly a scene of the crime (two boy princes were murdered by their power-hungry uncle dramatic fashion).

The Tower is also imbedded forever in the monarchy’s history. Most notably, this is true with King Henry VIII. He had a thing for women (heck, he married six times). And he loved them so much; he had two of them executed at the Tower so he could marry more. A bit much, you say? This is the same man who dissolved the Catholic Church in England so he could legally divorce. Ah, but more on our boisterous King Hank later.

Nowadays, the Tower is home to several museums including the one that houses the Crown Jewels. It is guarded by the Yeoman Warders, a.k.a. the Beefeaters (Yes, same as the gin you lushes). The Yeoman now lead most of the tours in the general area of the Tower and probably know more about the place than some anglophile college professors.

Our tour guide, Richard, was an awesome guy. He’d served in Her Majesty’s military over 23-years and became decorated enough that he was permanently stationed at the Tower. He and his wife actually lived there with their daughters until his wee lasses grew up and got married. He’s a heck of a talker for a military guy. Not stuffy at all. Some of the best one liners on the trip were given by Richard (“I’m conducting the tour in English. Don’t worry; I’ll speak slow for our American friends.”). Hopefully when we go back, we’ll get the privilege of being toured by the Yeoman again.

“Big Pimpin’, Norman Style.”

We departed after Richard’s short tour to explore the rest of the Tower. After seeing the “royal ice” at the Crown Jewels exhibit, Lenny and I wandered to the White Tower, which was the main portion of the fort when it was first built. The White Tower is now a museum dedicated to the Armory and Living Quarters display. We climbed a spiraling staircase (32 steps, I am told) up to the second floor. There, we walked around the main room that comprised the Royal Suite.

Although, truth be told, it was really just a big room in all of its austere Norman Glory (to quote Richard, “Normans, that’s just a nice word for ‘French.’”). Despite the comparative primitiveness to today’s palaces, for the time it was built, the White Tower was pretty luxurious digs. There were four private toilets in this one room! As recently praised in Fudgesicle Junkie’s latest guest blog, the importance of a bathroom cannot be underestimated. But even as Norman royalty, I’m not sure how useful these particular bathrooms would be. First of all, they were constructed of the same stone used on the castle walls. Even the toilet itself. And you thought your toilet seat was cold in the morning? Second, the facility was so tiny; it makes the bravest of people claustrophobic. But it was pretty surreal to actually get in LINE to see the inside of this thing!

“Honey, THREE Guesses as to What Henry VIII Thought Was Important.”

Heading downstairs again, we viewed the Armory. This had to be my favorite part of the whole tour at the Tower. Talk about heavy metal. Just about every piece of armor for the many Kings of England were polished and displayed in two rooms. It was just display after display of different suits and the history of war in England. As the years got closer to the present, the armor shrank. Downstairs, there statues of the King’s Stables. Each statue was the horse that carried each King into battle. Next to them, were the equestrian armor that the King’s had made for them. Once again, the whole history was mind-boggling.

It was interesting to see hard evidence of a human being as a King. Their armor, in essence, is a legacy of their physicality. And if that’s the case…I could totally take King Charles I down! Even on a raised platform, his suit of armor showed us that Kings were diminutive too. Look at this picture and tell me I don’t have a solid case to my claim:

But the piece de la resistance of the Armory was, of course, the glory that was King Henry VIII. Other than being an Anglo Casanova, Henry also had a yen for the good living. Let’s face it; King Henry was a big boy. Okay…I’ll go as far to say that EVERYTHING about Henry VIII is big. Big libido, big appetite, and a…um. Hmmm. How to put this last one? Ah…a big EGO. Witness King Henry VIII and his armor.