My Food Doesn’t Need to Be THAT Entertaining

Dear Food Network,

For years I have turned to your network for fun, intelligent, and cool programming. Being a self-proclaimed “Foodie,” I have watched hours upon hours of your shows. I, as well as my fellow cohorts have laughed, learned, and fallen in love with your various personalities and chefs. Since you comprise about 75% of my television viewing time nowadays, I thank you!

However, a disturbing trend has reared its ugly head lately. I think it threatens the integrity of your programming. In the selfish interest of getting it off my chest (Because really – my little piece of Blogger real estate is tiny and undiscovered), I figured I’d write. You can thank me later if you want.

It all started at the beginning of your new summer season. I was excited because you were offering up some really cool looking shows! They were definitely going to compliment the schedule of my old favorites like Good Eats, Everyday Italian, and Unwrapped. The one worrisome spot though, was the increase in “competition” related shows.

And I was right to worry. In between the adventures of the Deen Boys in Road Tasted and the amazing cakes baked by Duff Goldman and crew on Ace of Cakes, I had to sit through the wide world of food competitions through numerous episodes of Food Network Challenge.

The new/original episodes air every Sunday. But dammit – how many times during the week are you going to air Food Network Challenge: Incredible Edible Mansions? To top it all off, you finished a week of programming dedicated to the food categories from The Guinness Book of World Records which includes one hour’s worth of programming filmed at an Orlando amusement park to watch oyster shucking, ice cream scooping, onion peeling, pumpkin carving, and mass pancake production.

Didn't our mothers tell us it was rude to play with our food?

Not that I can’t appreciate the fact that food competition is a serious activity. The winner of the Pillsbury Bake Off wins $1 million! That’s some serious dough (pun definitely intended). But seriously, the competitions you have started to tout on the schedule are just becoming repetitive. You have Iron Chef America, what more competition do you really need?

While you have done things such as burgers and chicken…you keep going back to the well and doing baking! Cupcakes, cookies, cakes, cakes, cakes, and more cakes! In the last two months, I have seen the same five-six cake decorators (who are really talented, don’t get me wrong) go at it for Elvis themed birthday cakes, wedding cakes, cartoon cakes, holiday cakes, and (ohhhh) mystery cakes! You tried to switch up the pastry challenges by combining it with other elements. But it just didn’t seem right (Hellloooo….pastry and ice sculptures?).

After about the third Food Network Challenge, it starts to get a little formulaic. I’ve stopped watching the first 45-minutes of the challenges. Everyone knows the real drama comes at the end when you mercilessly make the chefs move these beautiful and FRAGILE masterpieces from their test kitchen to the table. I bet you hope something breaks because otherwise there would be no pay-off to the hour.

As if the challenges weren’t enough – you let Bobby Flay put on Throwdown with Bobby Flay! I can’t stand this guy when he’s on Boy Meets Grill because he acts like he knows everything. Why make me look at his smug face as he tries to beat Joe or Joanne Everyman in cooking what they do best? Let these people have their spotlight! Does Bobby have to be good at EVERYTHING?

I’d be annoyed if Flay rolled up on my party with his fancy truck, full staff, and compliment of the best cooking technology. Where’s the real challenge in that? Want to give Bobby a real throwdown? Send him to a Third World village; pit him against the best cook there. Only give him a book of matches, a machete, a live chicken, and a bottle of water. Not so bad ass now…are you Flay? The only redeeming quality of this show is the fact that more than half the time – Bobby loses to the expert. And my heart dances for joy.

I don’t care about who can build the best cake based off of Scooby Doo! I want more Feasting on Asphalt and The Secret Life Of… This is where you guys shine! Don’t get sucked into the Reality TV hole! I’m looking forward to The Hungry Detective. Please feed our viewing appetite with more of these shows.

It’s about the food and how to find it and enjoy it! Don’t be like MTV where everyone gets all shocked because they’re actually play MUSIC on their network!

Stop with the competitions! Keep The Next Food Network Star and Iron Chef! These are about the only things most of us care about. Get Chef Keegan Gerhard a real show, not the cheap emcee job you make him do on Food Network Challenge. He’s better than that! If you have to…Flay can keep Throwdown, his winning percentage ain’t all that bad I guess.

Again, thank you for giving me some really cool shows to watch. Despite the new competition shows, I will probably still watch. Even at your worst, you’re better than most of the crap television has to offer. I never have to worry about try to eat dinner through an autopsy or watching the latest “celebrity looking for love” dating show.

Just please…go back to your roots!

Your faithful viewer,

Lily White