BrownSuga's Sweet Spot: Fickle is as Fickle does...

BrownSuga’s Sweet Spot: Fickle is as Fickle does…

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a BILLION times: I AM A FICKLE PERSON. I’m not exactly proud of this fact, nor do I pretend I’m not fickle. I am what I am. It’s something I’ve even tried to “work on” but my attempts haven’t been my most successful endeavors.

One of the reasons I don’t think it bothers me too much is because at my age I’m still learning about myself. I know some of what I say can’t be taken as concrete because the likelihood of me changing my mind is very high. I admit I’m FAULTY (See Lily…it’s not just Asians anymore ).

At 25 I’m scared to watch other people my age and younger making HUGE decisions knowing they haven’t truly discovered who they are. The expectations set on people at, what I feel are, ridiculously young ages are astonishing.

Seventeen and eighteen year olds are expected to pick a college and decide what they want to do with the rest of their life. After going to college and finding out after the fact that I don’t want to do what I went to school for, I’m not surprised so many quit or change their minds. Out of 10 of my college friends 7 of them do something completely different from their degree. And when meeting people around my age, I’ve found more often than not they are extremely unhappy with what they do career-wise and are trying to find a way to change it.

This all means that yes I’m fickle but I think a major part of it has to do with my age. I’m still learning about BrownSuga. I’m still figuring out what makes her tick, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what her passion is. I decided to go to college. If I could go back and change that decision would I, knowing what I know now? I’m 85% sure I would and 100% sure that if I'd gone I would have done it differently. Do I regret my decision? No. I don’t regret anything I’ve done. Because everything I’ve done has been a learning experience. And the best way to learn is to go through it.

I get “addicted”. I find something and get addicted. I spend a tremendous amount of time with it and other things suffer. It ranges from the computer to working to volunteering. There are few things in my life that are important enough to have stayed important regardless of what I’m going through. But for the most part my interests change, what I want changes. The one thing that bothers me the most are friendships. I love all my friends. But sometimes friends are my addictions. I get hooked on a person or people. The friendships don’t end in a huge fights with harsh words. We just sort of drift apart. We get busy. Regardless of what the “addiction” is it changes with a frequency of about 6 to 9 months. And it is annoying (college was an addiction I was happy to see go!).

But wait, all is not lost! I’ve heard from numerous people that there will come a time when you realize who you are. You become the you you’ve always wanted to be. For some people it hits when they turn 30. For others it’s when they become parents. There are no set times it happens. We just hope that it happens. I’m still patiently waiting for my “Ah ha” moment to happen. For that moment when my fickleness is at it's least. Until then my interests will change. Don’t take it personal…

it’s not you…it’s me.