They Like You Because You Cook Pork

“This house smells GREAT right now,” Lenny said coming downstairs. And it’s true. It smells better than great…it’s FANTASTIC! It smells like Pinoy comfort food. I’ve got two pots of pork adobo on the stove simmering in all it’s soy and vinegar goodness. I’m making two pots of the good stuff for a get together tomorrow night with Lenny’s teaching colleagues. The e-mail message that was sent out was loud and clear to Lenny:

Don’t even THINK of coming to this party without your WIFE and her PORK DISH.

Lenny and I laugh about this a lot. Ever since I made it for their holiday party last year, the friendly “threat” has been issued each time the English Department planned a get together. After a few of these requests, I finally said to Lenny, “I know this isn’t true – but it’s almost like they like me because I cook pork!”

No – Lenny’s colleagues are not a group of racist idiots. In fact, they are all wonderful and intellectual people. But the situation does always make me laugh and think. The first reaction I get from people when they realize I am Filipino-American is, “Oh! I have a friend who is Filipino!” Often it’s said with such enthusiasm that is meant to engender a feeling of I know what you’re like because I have/had friends who look like you! Aren’t I cool?

Is that fair to any human to do that? Today, we are taught to embrace our cultural pride as tightly as those we love. But a lot of times, I feel like being a person of ethnicity means people put you on a pedestal and feel the need to celebrate you every five minutes. The kicker: They do it because a little part of them envies you for being so…exotic.

Whoa…wait a minute there, Lily! Are you saying I’m JEALOUS because you’re BROWN?

I know…it sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? I’m not saying that it’s that obvious material jealousy that populates the world. No one is being overtly harmed, but the evidence of this is everywhere.

Cultural diversity pervades every aspect of our lives these days. Look at fashion for hints and specks of African, Asian, and Mediterranean influences. When Julia Child started her show The French Chef in 1963, nobody outside of continental Europe knew that mousse was of the pudding family – not the sidekick of a flying squirrel. In this latest decade, sushi, fondue, and paella are common words in our lexicon and make frequent appearances on our dinner tables. When I talk to new parents and ask them what kind of life lessons they want to impart on their child – they often say they want to expose them to different ideas, religions, and cultures. Why? Because it’s better than the American culture.

February is Black History Month. September is Hispanic Heritage Month. October is Filipino-American History Month.

Let’s face it – to know ethnicity (or at least have fringe contact with it) supposedly makes you a better human being. And if you’re a person of color – that automatically makes you cool. Worse off…they’re looking at you to be that awesome. Forget the White Man’s Burden. Multi-ethnic people are facing a Brown Man’s Burden, but instead of colonizing us to save us from paganism…people want to us to colonize them and save them from social inflexibility.

Comedian, song writer, singer (and favorite of one Miss BrownSuga), Stephen Lynch released a song on his album The Craig Machine entitled, ”Vanilla Ice Cream” in which he extols the physical virtues of colored women:

“Oh I hate vanilla ice cream, I like chocolate instead
I hope she likes her soul food with a little Wonder Bread
Don't call it Jungle Fever cause that just isn't right
I am not a racist, some of my best friends are white...”

The song cracks me up EVERY TIME I HEAR IT. But sometimes I sit back hope that Lynch, and men like him, love women of color for more than the tint of their skin.

When it comes down to it – it doesn’t matter what culture you come from. Ultimately we are the same thing. We are HUMANS. Instead of valuing someone for their cultural quirk, we should be getting to know them for the PERSON they are. And if you’re collecting friends in order to make your social circle look like a mini United Nations…you’re worse than a racist.

I remember reading a poem a few years ago called “They Like You Because You Eat Dog.” It was written by R. Zamora Linmark, a Filipino-American poet, as a piece of an 8-part literary vignette. I think Linmark wrote it for Filipinos like himself who were struggling to find their identity in the U.S. However, the last few lines of the poem really do bring home what I’m trying to say today:

“They like you because you ask for it, adore it.
They like you because you’re a copycat, want to be just like them.
They like you because, give it a couple more years, you’ll be just like them.
And when that time comes, will they like you more?”