BrownSuga’s sweet spot: You say toe-may-toe I say toe-mah-toe

<>Democrat or Republican?

Pro-Choice or Pro-Life?

Creation or Evolution?

Compact Discs or MP3s?

Corporate America or Entrepreneur?

Books or Movies?

Colleges/University or the School of Hard Knocks?

Cats or Dogs?

The world is filled with debates. With every stage of life a new decision is brought to my attention. Some require very deep soul searching such as choosing a fur baby. And with my obvious love of a certain pet, can I even be friends with those who love the other? I spend a great deal of time with this dilemma. We’re talking a member of your family. And my enormous abhorrence of a breed has caused friction before.

The day I got married the question “So, when are you having kids?” became the number one question asked to my husband and I. Well that morphed into the debate of having children or being the favorite aunt (like my friend Ms. Lily). And it is now that the REAL debate begins…

Women all over the world have contemplated on this debate, even if they choose not to have children. June Cleaver, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the Feminist movement, Roe vs. Wade, birth control pills, Murphy Brown, the Cosby Show, Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, and many other people and movements have help shape women’s arguments on this debate.

Fights have broke out, tears have been shed, friendships destroyed, names have been called, positions have changed over this debate and all on Oprah…just kidding. But a show of hers brought the debate back to my attention. What is the debate that causes such heated emotions and thought provoking discussions?

Stay at home moms vs. working moms.

Ask any woman her opinion regardless of if she has children or even want children and I bet they have an opinion on it. The usual argument is…AND PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A HUGE GENERALIZATION NOT MEANT TO PUT WORDS IN ANYONE’S MOUTH. THESE ARE JUST RIDICULOUS COMMENTS I PERSONALLY HEARD WHILE THIS DEBATE WAS BEING DISCUSSED…

Stay at home moms say working moms don’t love their children enough and working moms say stay at home moms don’t have anything for themselves.

I’ve always prided myself on being an open-minded person, someone who takes the time and effort to see the world from other people’s perspectives. I still have my personal opinions and am willing to voice my views to anyone who asks but I no longer try to change people’s minds. And I expect people to give me the same courtesy. No one but me (and maybe my husband) has to agree with which option I think is best. The part I do try and make known is just because one way is good for me doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone.

The episode of Oprah that brought on numerous women, some stay at home moms and some working moms, the thing I noticed was there was one side that seemed to refuse to believe that the women on the “other side” made the best decision for themselves. It’s a heated debate. No one wants to be told by a stranger that they don’t love their children because they choose to go back to work or that they obviously have nothing to call their own because they choose to stay home.

I just read Freakonomics by the Harvard boys. If you haven’t read it I strongly recommend it. About 99% of the book I agreed with the logic and appreciated the avenue in which it was explained. One chapter is on parenting and if it really matters. Basically they determined that a child is more likely to be effected by everything their parents do BEFORE they even have children than by the things they do after the child is born. This isn’t to mean that the raising of a child doesn’t matter because it does. But what I took from the information is that a lot of the times what we think a matter in the development of a child doesn’t really matter.

You’ve heard the phrase “it’s about quality not quantity” and unless you’re in the national wing eating contest that usually is true. A mother can spend all day home with her child but if she spends that time ignoring or abusing that child obviously the child is not being raised in a loving a safe environment. However a working mother who makes sure to cook and eat dinner with their child every night and makes it to their basketball game and kiss them goodnight is the kind of mother I would say is doing an excellent job. But I can also see that the stay at home mom who helps with the school play and cheers from the front row does a much better job than the mother who works 18 hours a day is gone before her children are up and doesn’t get home till they are asleep.

Every debate has two sides, it’s the American way. I am not trying to change anyone’s mind. I just thought it was amazing the fierce fighting that goes on between women when it comes to this decision. But riddle me this MGFers, why don’t we ever hear of men arguing this point?

And for a friend of mine, he knows who he is, books are better than movies in my opinion :)