BrownSuga's Sweet Spot: Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger...

Ok so sue me, so I do judge a book by its cover. I know, it’s wrong and unfair but it happens. And I, BrownSuga, am willing to admit it. This confession comes both literally and figuratively.

Unless I’m picking up a book by an author I know and love, the cover holds a great deal of value when choosing whether or not I’m going buy it. It has worked well for me in the past so I doubt I’ll change that. Of course I love reading books that are recommended to me so those covers don’t hold as much weight. My weekly trips to Border’s require at least a couple of hours so I have ample time to do approximately 3 walk-bys.

I compare it to looking at the opposite sex. If I pick up a book on the first walk-by they are like “my type” of guy; gorgeous, tall, and dark with a great smile. Being picked up on the second walk-by are those guys who are attractive but not those drop dead gorgeous guys, they usually have one physical characteristic that like. And the final walk by pick-ups are those that are attractive but not in the traditional way.

And of course my book shopping expeditions lead me to tonight’s blog.

I’m married in case you didn’t know. My husband although not tall has every other physical characteristic that I love in a man. He’s dark, very clean cut, and very attractive in a pretty boy kind of way (for those that understand he’s very much like a Kappa Man). Anyway, all of my female friends and family members agreed that he was very nice looking. Now that isn’t the reason I married him but it was the reason I asked his best friend about him, knowing he would then tell him all about my curiosity.

There have been times where the person I dated wasn’t considered by most to be attractive but again they possessed some characteristic that caught my eye enough for me to get to know them on another level. Or we were put into a situation where we had to communicate and we got to know each other well enough for their personality to catch my interest. And it’s because of that, that I can understand some situations.

However, in the last couple of weeks I’ve been [re] introduced to several men that are in serious relationships with people I know. Usually the looks of a person a friend is dating doesn’t really enter my mind beyond the initial meeting. Because of the situation, I usually have the time to get to know them as individuals and can consider their personality when forming opinions. I have always been able to connect with all types of people from all different backgrounds with all kinds of interests so again looks usually don’t mean much to me with them. One of my best friends got married this weekend (yes I was a bridesmaid and yes I’ll never wear that dress again). It was a gorgeous wedding. She and I have never really had the same taste when it came to men and her husband is no different. But he is one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met and in fact he reminds me a lot of my husband. Initially they are both very quiet until they know people and then they are very easy to get along with.

Unlike my newly married friend, I’ve seen many couples where I have to wonder what one is doing with the other. Yes that is completely mean and inconsiderate and all kinds of other things but I’m serious. I don’t mean to be mean or rude but there are women out there that are gold diggers. They specifically date men who have money regardless of looks, personality or anything else. I’ve met women who do this and 9 times out of 10 I’m not friends with them. But what happens if you find someone you know and like doing this?

I’ve been lucky and most of my girlfriends have been my friends for most of my life and those kinds of friendships allow for certain privileges. I know my friends and I know them well. We talk all the time and have grown together. The reason we became and stayed friends is because we are alike in many ways. So when one of them does something out of character I have to wonder what’s up.

So what do you do when a friend does something such as date someone who not only doesn’t physically follow what they’ve dated before AND after meeting them you can’t see where the attraction is on the personality either? I’m an honest person. I love that about myself. But when it comes to friends and family I do as much as I can to not hurt anyone’s feelings when being honest; so blunt honesty isn’t always the best idea.

Let me know how you’d handle this…