Avoid the Valentine's Day Massacre

Okay, I know the arguments against it.

“Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday.”

“Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that single people are ALONE.”

“Valentine’s Day is for suckers.”

I get it. I understand. Valentine’s Day has about as many cynics as Christmas does. Card and candy companies make millions off of haggard and nagged-to-death men. Normally bright and intelligent woman blow hard earned money on outrageous gifts to prove they love their spouses and significant others (even though that’s really hypocritical). Fine. Valentine’s Day sucks.

But the fact remains: It’s still here and there’s not much you can do to stop it.

Everyone falls into one of the following groups: Coupled, Uncoupled, and Looking. But you all have to get through that day. The couples will have their dates (Lenny…fondu?), the Uncoupled will celebrate their independence (I picture cleansing bonfires filled with bad relationship memorabilia), and the Looking will still look.

So, it’s less than a week away. If you haven’t made your plans, you’re in a bit of a bind. Unless you have some special machine that stops time, some of you are in trouble. Despite the fact that numerous friends (and you know who you are) say that it doesn’t matter to them…no one wants to NOT do anything on Valentine’s Day while everyone else is. In the spirit of public service, The Modern Girl Friday Blog would like to provide some ideas on how to celebrate (or deprecate) the Holiday of Love.

For the Coupled: Despite what the retail world would like for you to believe, the brunt of the Valentine’s Day work SHOULD NOT fall upon the guy’s shoulders (Men: You so owe me right now). I’m not saying guys get a free ride, I’m just saying women should remember that the holiday is about BOTH of you. Your man has probably spent quite an amount of their living budget on candy, flowers, tickets, cars, or whatever the heck you demand of them to make you happy. What does he get in return? Ladies, please take care of your men. He’ll appreciate it and won’t expect a small gift from you. So, look like Super Woman and pick up a little something for the guy.

Now, fellas…don’t slack off. If you haven’t gotten a gift yet for your lady, times ticking. And don’t freak out. Unless she’s high maintenance, she’s not looking for the huge, glitzy gift (if she’s an MGF, you really have nothing to worry about!). Do something out of the norm. Make something! The best Valentine’s gift I ever got from Lenny was something he made. For about a month, we were passing back and forth funny little haikus via e-mail due to some stress at work. On Valentine’s Day I received a little book of those poems with my card. I laughed my ass off at the poetry. It was so Kindergarten arts and crafts precious that I almost cried.

I didn’t forget the “Not so Coupled Couple.” You long distance, star-crossed people. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a downer for you either! Start making plans for a phone date. I know a couple who are attending law school on opposite ends of the country. They get together and have a movie date. They rent the same movie and watch it while on the phone with each other! If your cell/long distance service plan sucks – make it an internet date! There are a variety of messengers you can use. You have to love technology. The point is…don’t let distance stop you. You can still be together!

For the Uncoupled: Okay grizzled relationship veterans. It’s time to flip Cupid the proverbial bird. I can understand your situation. You like being alone and unfettered. It works for you. SO CELEBRATE IT! Grab a bunch of single friends and party like its Saturday night! And don’t shack up with the first person that you see. Dance with as many people as you can! Who knows…you might find somebody interesting enough to say Happy Valentine’s Day to.

If partying isn’t your scene, stay home and have the friends over. I know a few people who are having an anti-Valentine’s Day party. In fact, someone is having a “Love Sucks Movie Fest.” Instead of romantic comedies and drama, the host will be showing horror flicks.

And if you want the Valentine’s Day gifts? Flaunt your independence and get them yourself. Who needs a significant other to buy you Godiva when you have your own two legs to carry you in there and pick the pieces YOU want? Send yourself flowers. There’s no shame in it. Why feel like a pariah amongst the love birds? You love yourself don’t you? Go ahead…splurge. You deserve it!

For the Looking: Alright, Unlucky in Love. Don’t dwell on the fact that you don’t have anyone. Don’t burden your friends with the sob story how you have no one to have dinner with. Instead of whining, use Valentine’s Day to build your profile. That’s right…networking has its place on the Day of Love.

Guys, buy a little something for your platonic female friends. Easy there. Don’t go out and spend a ton of money on them! Buy a dozen roses. Give one out to each of your gal pals. Or take a few of the single girls out for lunch or dessert. Why spend your time with women you know you won’t date? Because those women know OTHER single women. Your sincere act of kindness will stick out in their heads. Think about them meeting their single friends and saying, “Oh, John did the sweetest thing for us on Valentine’s Day…”

Girls…it’s time to get your flirt on. Go to your local Walgreen’s, CVS, Osco, etc. Pick up a box of Valentines. DO NOT get them out of the Hallmark section. Pick up the kind that you would have given out during grade school! Get a bunch of your friends (if you have Uncoupled friends…this would work best as they are audacious as can be), fill them out and seal them up. While you’re out on the town on Valentine’s Day (that’s right NO STAYING HOME FOR YOU!), hand them out to any guy you think might need, want, or deserves one. Cheesy? Yeah, it is. But you’ll be remembered!

Even if you think Valentine’s Day sucks…there are ways to have fun during it. It doesn’t have to be insufferable. Besides, anything can happen! You just never know what might be waiting for you out there in that big, wide world!

To the Coupled: Happy Valentine’s Day! Have fun you crazy kids, you!

To the Uncoupled: Happy Singles Awareness Day! Show them how partying is done!

To the Looking: Happy Seeking Out Opportunities Day! Don’t let a dateless V-Day stop you!