Going Somewhere While Walking in Place

I tied up the shoelace to my tennis shoes. Turning the key on my locker and securing my belongings, I grabbed my iPod off the bench and walked out into the hallway. After stretching my quads, calves, and ankles, I pass through one more doorway and enter the exercise room. Since I get in around the same time everyday, my favorite machine (back row, second to last on the left) is usually open. Hitting the Quick Start button, I program the machine and begin easing my body back into the sweet torture that is exercise.

The music starts. I smile. The next 45-60 minutes are mine and mine alone.

It’s been three weeks since the first time I went back on the treadmill. I started going back to my local YMCA at the end of January when I found out that we were going to London in March. I wanted to work on my stamina before the big trip. I’d been trying to go back to the gym for months. But you know how it goes…work, social commitments, volunteer work, etc. just kept getting in the way.

Of course that’s a lie. I was getting in the way. Thankfully, my mindset has changed. I’m not sure when or how it changed, but hitting the treadmill 3-4 times a week wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, at the end of my first week, I made a startling discovery: I couldn’t wait to get back the next week. When the clock on the office wall hits 5 p.m., I’m bolting out the door for my car!

I can understand why people despise the gym. We’re a society that revolves around perfection. And that Bally’s commercial does nothing to blow that theory away. I remember my first day back in the gym. It was very intimidating. As I assembled and completed my own stretching routine, my mind was racing with negative thoughts.

Am I going to be able to do this? My god, I look huge in that mirror! Am I going to look like a complete ass on that treadmill? Holy mackerel, that old guy is going to do laps around me! I am so going to fall on my face!

I wanted to turn around and just leave. However, I had made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that this was year, that I wanted to get healthier. Please note I didn’t say THINNER, I said HEALTHIER. There is a difference. Thinner means counting pounds and calories. Healthier means improving who you are physically, and subsequently, mentally. The weight comes off when it’s supposed to. I’d put this off for years. I couldn’t let it happen this time. This year is going to be different from all the other times. This time, I was doing it for me.

A lot of my friends are puzzled by my affection for the treadmill. They find it tormenting and unending. For many reasons, my 45-60 minute jaunt on the treadmill is cathartic. You know how some people zone out while washing dishes? That’s me on the repetitive pace of the machine. Glasses off, iPod blasting, arms swinging, I’m free to either empty my head or concentrate on one topic. It’s the one piece of real estate on the clock that I own for myself. It’s a time of introspection. There’s no phone ringing at my desk. I don’t have to worry about what we’re going to eat for dinner. I’m not rushing off to a meeting with a client; I’m rushing towards a personal goal. I can think and I am allowed to think clearly.

Now don’t get the wrong impression. My time on the treadmill is what I will term a very brisk walk. I can do a little over 2 miles in 45-minutes. My average speed is just under 3 MPH. And so far, I’ve worked the incline button to level 4 on the machine (trust me; it’s below a 45-degree angle). A champion race walker I ain’t.

Mentally, I feel like I’m changing too. I find that I’m willing to gut things out a bit more. Pain? I view pain as weakness leaving my body (thanks Nike ad on the wall). The answer to the question “Can I do better than yesterday?” is “Hell, yes!” I feel like I’ve actually accomplished something when I hop off the machine. I’m getting stronger with each session. Sure, its baby steps in comparison to hardcore gym goers…but I’m not doing this for them! After day two, I decided that the 10 other people on the treadmills surrounding me didn’t matter. I am in my own world, doing my own thing. I even don’t sweat eating better! My mind tells me not to waste the work I put in, ergo my menu choices (while not restricted) is reduced in portions.

These mental changes have now crept into my physicality. My stamina has boosted enough that I noticed I was actually springing down the hall at work today. In two-inch heels nonetheless. I walk with better posture and I feel more confident about my body. One of my co-workers actually commented that my normally smiling visage has actually been brighter the last week or so.

All this because I’ve finally allowed myself to go somewhere I’ve never gone before. I now fully believe in myself and my body. I’ve got the want and the need to keep going. I’m feeling so good…I’m looking for a Yoga class! Being healthier will definitely have its advantages. If and when the weight comes off, that’ll be cool too (For those of you who really want to know, I’ve lost 8 lbs.). But for now, I’m content just walking in place, knowing eventually I’ll get there.