Blunt Force Lily

A curling scream echoed on the landing of the stairwell and I tore up the last few of steps, arms flailing. Seconds ago, I had chucked a paperback at him for his sarcastic remark. Like a woman possessed, I charged at my target. His wide-eyed stare was fleeting as he tried to dodge my advance. Swinging my arms like a windmill, I landed a couple good smacks on his arm as he held it up to block his face. In a whirl of noise and action I toyed with him like a cat does a ball of yarn. Really, the outburst was more noise and gnashing of teeth than an actual physical attack.

And just as quickly as it started, it ended. I walked away as if nothing had happened, the shocked and confused look on his face the reward for my surprise attack. Lowering his arms, my quarry huffed at me.

“Honey, can they give you something at your doctor’s appointment this week?” Lenny entered our bedroom calling out to me as I descended the staircase again, “Seriously, you’re crazy,” he chuckled as we parted ways, not quite believing I actually did that.

Ah, but that’s what Lily White is known for. For as long as I remember, I was always the type of person who would “go there.” Blunt honesty mixed with humor either diffusing or creating a situation. Where most people would stall and bite their tongue, I let it wag out. It doesn’t matter what the situation calls for: A subtle wisecrack, an all encompassing frank thought, or just a need-to-be-seen-to-be-believed moment like the above encounter with Lenny. I have always been prone to dramatics of the ballistic kind. Even as a little kid, my Filipino relations even had an acronym for it.

“Lillian, you’re OA. Gago ikaw!” Lillian, you’re over-acting. You’re crazy!

I can’t help it. There’s something built deep inside of me that makes me go further than anyone else in the room. While most people (*coughs* Lenny, Mr. If-You-Write-It-Like-That-They’ll-Think-I’m-An-Abused-Husband) sees this little quirk as a detriment, I embrace it. Why fight it? The best I can figure – I can use my powers for good. Or at least try to, LOL.

I don’t blame the regular victims/recipients of my weird brand of humor for scratching their heads. I’ve done the exact same thing for the last few years. Is it competition? Is it a need to be the center of attention? Or is it just a perverse sense of self-esteem defense? It used to be that I held that part of me carefully. Like my finger was on the safety of a fun gun because my parents would get frustrated or embarrassed at my “smart aleck remarks.”

Then somewhere in my life, I realized that if I didn’t say what I felt or act out in a frivolous manner, it would all just pile up on me and crush me. When I tried to control it, I often felt depressed. I had something to say – but I couldn’t say it for fear of reprisal. Nowadays, when someone shoots me a shocked look after one of my little flare-ups, I shoot back, “I’m only saying what you were thinking.”

I come to the conclusion that only 10% of the time should people actually be shielded from the blunt, honest truth. The other 90%? Well, humanity can always use a good dose of straightforwardness. And in an added Lily-twist: Like Jell-O, there’s always a room for a laugh.

I can be serious, I swear. But there is a time and a place for it – and it’s not ALL THE TIME. I feel that humor always saves us from being crushed by it. Humans are far too serious for their own good sometimes. My theory is that a person is usually too consumed by their needs, wants, and desires to realize they’re all closed up to the wonderful experience that is other people. And when they hear someone like me verbally fire off at will, they feel threatened or scared. When one gets wrapped up in their own misery, they lose sight of the fact that everyone has the same problems.

But if you can let go of your ego, you get a better sense of yourself. I find that being that combination humorist and realist helps me understand and recognize my shortcomings. And maybe, I’m also a little more accepting of what I can and cannot do. Rather than wallow in them, I think it drives me to be a better person. I don’t feel the burden of having to “act” a certain way or live up to the expectations of other people.

I won’t kid myself that other people will think that my over-dramatics are an enlightened form of thinking. But I can’t do anything to help them there. It works for me. I will continue to be the cutting, laugh-seeking, tension busting person that I am.

Besides, I’ve been making Lenny wonder about my mental state for years! Why let him off the hook now?