Let's Hear it For the Men...

I get a lot of things via e-mail from family, friends, and readers. I got this one early last week and it made me laugh!

Men (not boys) get a hard rap sometimes for not being so "relationship oriented." I know many women who often take their behavior and use it to drive them away. In fact, you ladies ometimes you forget just how much they love you.

So here's a reminder. Thank you to the reader/fan/family member who sent this to me...you rock!

Read the full article here or, just look below!

50 Things Men Wish You Knew (from Men's Health Magazine)

1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.
5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex.
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?
19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late.
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.
28. Unless we're meeting my parents.
29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter.
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."
33. We love ponytails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are.
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting."
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"
49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.

Apparently There is Something Wrong With That

So what does one MGF writer do when she decides to take her own advice and take a break from writing? Sink in and catch up on a couple of novels from one of her favorite authors, of course! And let me tell you, reading is the best salve for the soul of a creatively stuck writer.

Why? Because it provokes thought.

On Monday, I completed the sixth book in Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series, A Breath of Snow and Ashes (Disappointed in this volume. In short: Bloated, but I still love the series). Coincidently, as I was making my way through the book, I discovered that the second book in Gabaldon’s Lord John series, Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade, had recently been released. I asked Lenny to pick me up a copy at Cost Co. because I am rather fond of Lord John Grey and was hungry for another book.

When we first meet Grey in the Outlander series, he is the governor of Ardsmuir Prison and had close friendship with one of the main characters, who was a prisoner. He pops up conveniently from time to time to aid the main characters in furthering their causes. A handsome man brought up in the tradition of soldiering, you’d never peg him as gay. But he definitely is and has more than a man crush on the hero of the series. But because has this upright sense of honor, restraint, and friendship, I found myself intrigued. Despite his regulation to cameo appearances in Outlander, I found myself happy whenever Lord John showed up.

Then Lord John got his own series. On his own – Gabaldon has fleshed out one of my favorite characters. At home amongst the gentry of London’s elite families, Lord John not only must solve mysteries in the space of the novel, but convey the intricacies of juggling his hidden side.

With all this in mind, I set into Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade. Happily, I found out that Lord John hadn’t at all lost his wit and manners. The mystery and supporting characters have kept me interested. But as is my habit when reading a novel, once I hit the middle of the book (where I pause to write this blog now), I got the sudden urge to see what others thought of this effort. So, I hit the internet.

In general – most Gabaldon fans love Lord John as much as I do. Being the curious sort, I also took the time to read the not so favorable reviews. And I was quite surprised. When I hopped from Barnes and Noble to Amazon, I read two particular comments that got my mind thinking:

From Barnes and Noble Online: “The story was interesting, the book would have been very good, but the graphic sex descriptions took away from the story and made the book definitely adult reading.”

From Amazon.com: “I didn’t enjoy this as much as the ‘Outlander’ series. I like the Lord John character, but am not interested in the details of his sex life. I also missed the detailed descriptions of daily life that played such a big part in Diana’s other books…”

I was struck by the common theme of the sex scenes in relation to this particular series. I did a little more research online and found that complaints about the sex scenes were common. As a Gabaldon reader, I was a little confused. By no means, are any of her books vulgar or pornographic…but they aren’t exactly parochial school library material. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend the Lord John series to anyone that I can’t confirm has a broad thought process. I had said as much to someone today. I was asked me why I was selective. It hit me as I opened my mouth to answer.

“Because Lord John is gay.”

Could people have a hard time with this book because the love scenes aren’t the typical man and woman scheme? Even as we claim ourselves to be an advanced society, do we squirm at the thought of Lord John and his love interest because he wears breeches instead of petticoats? Are we so weirded out that we don't feel the character has real needs? And really…is that enough to shoot down a book? When I read the first book in the series, I was once chided by a friend (who I considered pretty open-minded) for reading “trashy gay literature.”

While I can’t vouch for the people who stated negative reviews on the book websites – I can’t help but wonder how deep in the subconscious do we harbor our personal preferences and how stealthily we bring them out.

I remember a few years back when Brokeback Mountain came to theatres. I was told by several people that if I wanted to watch it, don’t watch it with my husband. According to my friends, Lenny would have been scarred by the intimacies shared by the main characters. I finally saw the movie when it came out on HBO. Yeah, it was probably more graphic than any other mainstream film. And yes, I had never seen two men “together.” But overall, I didn’t see what everyone was fussing about. In fact, I went back to my friends and told them the same. AND THEN, I asked them what made them uncomfortable about it. They could only tell me it was because they were gay. Well for Pete’s sake, you knew what the movie was about when you paid $10 for the ticket!

If the story is good and strikes a chord – why should the orientation of the character matter? I sure hope it doesn’t.

After reading the reviews, I went back and reread the first “love scene” in Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade. And I have to admit, I sped right through it on the first read. Maybe I’m still more uncomfortable with the thought than I first estimated. So I slowed down this time…I let Diana Gabaldon tell her story. I read it with one eye open.

You know what? When it comes down to it – it was about two people wanting each other. It’s the same feelings and tensions as when Jamie and Clair get it on in Outlander (and in their mid-fifties mind you!), just a different bodies. But there’s a story…a relationship, just like anyone else.

And that’s good enough for me to keep reading!

Never Forget...Always Remember...

If it still hurts...then you still feel it.

For all those lost on that day...

And for all that have been losing because of it.

Remember.

Addicted to Much

I recently took a mental inventory of what I needed to do this week. Aside from breathing and work, I wrote down in my notebook the following “To Do’s:”

Zumba Class – Tuesday and Thursday
Ballroom Class – Starting Wednesday
Blogs – Post on MGF Tuesday and Thursday, MGF Travel Wednesday and Friday
Speech and Debate Retreat – Saturday and Sunday with 40 kids “in the hills.” Find camping stuff and pack Friday.
Massage – Schedule for Friday (if you can)

Now, none of this is stuff I actually HAVE to do. They are choices. I should be able to step back and say no to something right? And why did I write the massage as optional? Shouldn’t I definitely take time to pamper myself? The world isn’t going to fall apart if I skip something on this list.

As I kept staring at this list, I kept asking myself, “How’d I end up committing to all this stuff?” I know I need to find time to rest and relax – but I keep feeling like I’m not doing enough when I do. You know that feeling, don’t you? You’re sitting at home, just chilling…maybe watching your favorite television at its allotted time, NOT on TiVo. And then you feel it: A creepy uneasiness settles about you. Sometimes it feels like you’ve forgotten something. You get all jumpy and look around, wondering what’s amiss.

Then it hits you: YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING. And it feels wrong!

What’s up with that?! Since when did an over inflated schedule become the coolest status symbol to have? With all sorts of technology meant to organize our life, it’s like we looked at it and wondered why there were holes in our schedule. So we set out to fill those holes. It started with something you might need…like a class or working out. Then it ballooned to a hobby you thought you might want to try. Why not? You’re doing something you actually like. But then we started comparing notes and subconsciously started getting OCD about it!

It’s like we got addicted to doing something…anything…as long as it kept us busy!

But why does it have to be this way? Why do I feel guilty if I skip a posting and then work like mad to double up the next day? Love to dance/exercise at Zumba – but I hate forcing myself to a session when I know I’m tired. The body should rest in order to lose weight, but I can’t seem to stop guilt-tripping myself to get that rest.

I seriously need to re-evaluate this stuff. Break the addiction…or at least take time off for myself. There is nothing wrong with just kicking back and doing nothing. And it’s high time we realize that.

So this week – take something out of your schedule. Decide what’s truly important and what can actually wait until the next day. We work way too hard as it is, and we deserve a little down time!

No use being addicted to much when there’s so much more out there!

Running out of Options, Girl!

Dear Britney,

Sweetie...please look at the above picture.

Now go to a mirror and look at your ass in those pants you were just wearing on MTV.

Great, now bend over and kiss your career goodbye.

Because seriously, you are probably never going to reach the heights of "Pythons as hot props" ever again!

Lenny and I just took in your performance of "Gimme Some More." And we would really just love it if you would give us less. What we just saw on television did not win us back over to Team Britney.

Maybe you should have taken a tip from that old church joke: Sip your vodka, not gulp it before going out to perform. It kind of slowed you down, my friend. In case you didn't know, alcohol seriously slows down your motor reflexes. You totally let the third dancer from the left steal your thunder with the half-assed, limp-wristed, broke-down-hit-the-skids-showgirl dance effort you showed off.

And if you're going to lip-sync...look like you're into it! At least when Beyonce fell off that stage in Japan, it was because she was going all out with some crazy energy!

I know what you're thinking...I'm being too hard on you. But Britney, baby...you are in need of some tough love! K-Fed is beating you up all over the headlines. You need to pull it together fast because I really don't want to root for the guy who put out "Papazao!"

This performance was the most overhyped piece of crap since I finally checked out Kanye West's "Touch the Sky" video after he kept bitching about being snubbed. You had everything going for you, Brit. People actually liked the song, you had the right people (finally) working with you on this, and you didn't look THAT bad in that costume (Although, we would have recommended hot shorts with just a LITTLE more coverage).

Do every one of your fans (and haters) a favor. Grab a flight to a remote tropical island, hit the gym, make an appointment with a life coach, and send your kids to your Mom. You need some YOU TIME.

...and don't come back until you can end a performance sweating like you did something.

Regards,

Lily White
Casual Observer

Look Kids, Nature is Happening!

So I'm driving home from dropping off a couple friends at the airport. It is just past 5:00 p.m. and I'm grooving to my iPod. The day is what you would expect from from Arizona this time of year: HOT, sunny, scattered clouds due to the remnants of Tropical Storm Henriette.

As I get closer and closer to the humble abode that is "Chateaux de les Blancs," it begins.

Big, fat, heavy buds of...RAIN! I look at the patterned sky with it's large swaths of blue and grey. But the time I pull into our carport, the rapport is pretty deafening. I laughed as I pulled out my camera -- knowing full well I needed to document this as proof to all my non-Arizona family and friends:





Rain in Arizona...who knew, right? Ain't nature great?

Decoding Guy Insults: A Jerk by Any Other Name…

While I can be a very vocal person about my opinions, I try very hard never to resort to blatant name calling. However, there comes a time when being polite just doesn’t get the point across. Saying “fudge” doesn’t adequately carry my feelings across! A girl like me can only use a pejorative to fully express herself. While this type of vitriol is usually reserved only for the truly deserving – I always try to make sure I at least know what I speak of.

That being said, I’ve found myself drawn inexplicably to the very unladylike terms of “douche” and “tool.” Don’t ask me why. But the other day, I was cut off in traffic and I let loose both words. I figured that they were interchangeable. Not so, I learned this weekend. Apparently, while women have one, all encompassing word to describe other women (“witch” with a capital “B”) – guys have at least these two.

Now I can see a lot of you are probably scratching your heads. Why on earth would you want to know about this Lily? And perhaps some of you are disgusted by my attempt to learn. But you know what? Women always complain that they just don’t understand guys. And all my single friends seemingly end up with a “tool” or a “douche,” so you might as well save yourself some time and learn to spot it.

Besides…this is utterly fascinating to me. Go to some frilly girl blog if you don’t like tonight’s topic!

Apparently, there is a time and a place to use one over the other. But, I had to go looking and researching on my own. When I went to look it up on Urban Dictionary before dinner…the website was down. So I did the next best thing – I asked the guys in my life.

Over dinner this evening, I asked Lenny and two of our closest guy friends – Richie and Grant. I asked what the difference was.

“A tool is a guy who blindly follows,” said Grant. “Basically he does what he’s told whether out of habit or is being forced to.” Now see, to me, the term fell to a guy who knowingly knew he was a big jerk. But he still acted like a jerk anyway. Apparently this isn’t so. According to Richie, most of the time a tool is unknowingly being used. Whether it is unknowing or not – the biggest sin in this seems to be that they’re a WILLING party to being used. And before anyone gets their panties in a knot – it’s not always necessarily a woman who uses them. I pointed out it could be a boss, a parent, or even another friend. In terms you girls would understand: You know Heidi Montag, from MTV’s The Hills? She’s Spencer Pratt’s tool. No amount of editing on that show can hide that!

A douche on the other hand…much easier to recognize. In the simplest terms Richie stated, “That’s the guy who walks into a room with a pink polo on and thinks he’s the shit.” In the case of this term, the man’s self-importance overrides everything. The world revolves around this guy, but he seems to be the only one who believes it. Continued Richie, “Nobody wants to be that guy.” Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Richie. Nobody wants to be EITHER of those guys. But it certainly cleared up a lot of things for me! And knowledge is a dangerous thing.

But I digress. In practical usage, let us again refer to the previous MTV Reality TV analogy. Heidi may be Spencer’s tool – but Spencer is the ultimate douche. Nobody I know, in their right mind, would want to be that narcissistic!

I can’t believe I’ve been getting it wrong all these years! Whenever Barry Bonds showed his face on TV, I’d been incorrectly jeering him (a fact that I will correct post haste!). When it comes down to it, the division of terms comes down to the amount of ego one has. If your cup runneth over, please walk into the Summer’s Eve line. If you don’t have enough testicular fortitude, queue up in the Wimp’s line to forfeit your set!

So, the next time your spouse or significant other blows up at you because you said something while he’s on the phone with a friend, call him out on his douche-like behavior. And then, when he complains about how you nag about his all the time or make him do things he hates – you can tell him to man-up, grow a pair, and stop being a tool! I bet the look on his face is priceless!

Fascinating, isn’t it? For most of my life, I had been of the assumption that men were simple creatures. Everything was black and white. But apparently, men think about these things just a deeply as women do. See? I guess we’re not as different as we thought.