Guest Blogger: Stage Five Clingers Need Not Apply by Elusive Orchid

I received a call from Ms. Lily tonight, her flight comes in pretty late. Due to this and the fact that she doesn't want to crank out a post not worthy of her MGF readers, she asked me to post a guest blogger for tonight. This is Elusive Orchid's take on modern dating. Hope it lends some insight to those readers who are in the same position. Enjoy ~ASilky

All right girls, we’ve all heard of a guy’s typical dream woman. Good looking, nice body, great personality etc etc oh yeah and don’t forget, only wants to have fun, no relationships or strings involved…right? Well I’m here to bust that myth wide open.

As you know if you’ve read my previous guest entries, I am in the beginning of my early thirties. Let me tell you, guys in my age group are not looking for that typical dream woman described above. Simply put they want (The dreaded word) more.

So I once again find myself having broken up with another guy, “boyfriend”, buddy, whatever you want to call it. You know I figured being single again, that if I was upfront and honest everything would be copacetic. However that wasn’t to be the case. I set out in this new “single” world armed with the belief that honesty is the best policy when hanging with a new “potential.”

So I approached the dating scene confidently and told these men what I wanted. It’s quite simple: I want to have fun, no strings attached. I want someone who will respect my independence and not bitch at me when I want to hang with my friends or I just don’t happen to want to see him at the moment. Is that too much to ask?

Now mind you when I told these men my “terms” (three of them so far) they all said they were fine with it and they weren’t looking for any kind of relationship either. I thought to myself cool….this isn’t so difficult. Boy was I ever wrong.

Now, two of the three weren’t that bad, but still too clingy for my taste. They would both tell me I was never around to see them and they were constantly asking when we were going to get together again. They just couldn’t accept the fact that they weren’t my first priority…so much for those two.

The third one, well he was and is a different story all together, let’s call him Andy. Andy and I “dated” for at most three months. He was laid back and relaxed at first. But, I found him getting progressively clingier as the weeks went by. He turned out to be a total stage five clinger.

I constantly asked him not to push me with regards to the relationship crap, as I like call it. He ignored my requests time and time again. I was on my death bed (joking, though I was pretty damned sick) when I’d finally had enough…I was lying down when he popped up in my IM window.

The conversation went like this (these are the actual posts…gotta love archive features):

Andy: Hey there, beautiful

Me: Hi

Andy: How are you feeling?

Me: Better, not 100% yet.

Andy: Glad to hear you're better. I was worried, go figure. Tried to give you an "Andy Free" day yesterday, don't know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

Me: It was a good thing.

Andy: Finally tired of me? *laughing*

Me: *sighs* Tired of feeling like I am being pushed to give you more. (There’s the word)

Andy: I am sorry you feel that way. It is not my intent. Apparently I don't know when to say when...

Me: Well it's not like I didn't tell you I felt like you were pushing, I have been honest with you and I feel like it isn't something you want to or will accept.

Andy: I agree you have always been honest, I can't help that I really enjoy your company, and I believe that you enjoy mine as well.

Me: Enjoying your company isn't the issue here...the issue is that you push for more. (See, that dreaded word again)

Andy: Which I know will never happen.

Me: Then why do it?

Andy: Probably because I am lonely, and for the first time in a long time, I have found someone who is truly fun to be with, and makes me feel good about myself. I know there is no long term future for us, other than as friends, but sometimes you just hope, even though you know your hope will be unfulfilled…

So *rolling my eyes* this conversation goes on this way for about another hour. The whole while I am telling him I don’t think this is a good thing anymore as he keeps pushing for closer ties. If I could have physically knocked him out of my IM window I would have. But being the nice woman I am, I repeatedly told him I didn’t think we should continue and I actually (naively) thought he finally understood by the time I signed off.

Need I say that was soooo not the end of it? I found out a few days later that he actually had the balls to email one of my best friends (whom he’d never met in person) to thank her for taking his side. We had once been arguing about the same type of thing and she knew all about it. I pushed aside my instincts and stupidly took the advice she freely doled out, giving Andy another chance.

The actual thank you section of the email wasn’t the issue. The problem was that he asked her not to tell me about it!!!!! The nerve, I swear. But that isn’t the worst part. I confronted him and he admitted that he knew full well she was going to tell me. That was exactly why he sent the email.

A portion of that conversation is next (again from IM).

Andy: No matter what I say, it won't matter. I was and am shocked and hurt by what happened. Do you honestly believe that I thought she wouldn't tell you?

Me: Then why even ask her not to? What do you think this is...a fucking game? (can you tell I am completely fed up at this point?)

Andy: I don't play games, my hope, to be honest was that she would tell you, and hopefully after some thought, you might reconsider opening the lines of communication with me.

Me: Reread what you just said…how the fuck is that not a game? I discussed this with her...she sees my point. Bottom line...DON'T ever go through my friends to get to me.

Andy: I wanted you back...fuck!!!

Me: Well that was definitely not the way to go about it. Don't expect to talk to me anymore. Game over...checkmate.

Okay, given this scenario most people would think to leave well enough alone...right? Unfortunately this wasn’t and isn’t the case even now. He actually came by my house (which is an hour’s drive by the way) and dropped off presents while I was on vacation (which he knew about). He texted me at exactly 12:00am on New Year’s Eve, while I was out with friends. Then proceeded to call me about a week or two later (No, I didn't answer the phone)...leaving a long, detailed voicemail, sounding like he was about to cry. I now find myself wondering what in the hell he’s going to do next.

Seriously I’m at my wit’s end, I’m tempted to have my lawyer write to him, telling him to leave me alone. I don’t really know what else to do…should I have to change my cell phone number or get a guard dog in case he decides to “stop” by again? Needless to say I have been quite wary of “dating” anyone lately. I’m not so sure it’s worth the trouble.

Apparently being up front and honest doesn’t work. I may have to rethink my approach…nah…I am who I am. I shouldn’t have to change for anyone. If a man can’t accept me for me then he’s not worth it. So…I may be single for the rest of my life…I can definitely live with that. If it means I can look in the mirror everyday and smile, knowing I am being true to myself, then life is great. I suppose though that I will eventually suck it up and start testing the waters again, but this time I’ll definitely be more careful. Stage five clingers need not apply.

*Dipping in a singular toe...very gingerly*