List Week 2006: Unique Reasons to Celebrate With Alcohol

"Here's to good friends...tonight is kind of special..." The words of the classic Michelob commercial come to life tonight on this joint effort by your main three Modern Girl Fridays. Please note, we do not condone drunkedness...we must all be responsible drinkers. If you end up in a bed with someone you don't know...own up! Otherwise, take this list with a grain of salt! - Lily

1. My pet got fixed: You know how people say kids are expensive? Well, so can extra pets. Your sweet little, docile Kitty Kitty/Fido has one night of heated passion with the neighborhood stray and a few months later you’re responsible for six mouths to feed. Nip the problem in the bud (pun intended) and then crack open a beer while your precious pet recovers.

2. I just signed my divorce papers: Forget the bachelorette party…FREEDOM PARTIES ROCK! Don’t believe us? What gets bigger play, 4th of July or Flag Day? For newly independent MGF, it’s a time to get rid of the dead weight, guilt, etc. And time to rediscover your wild partying side. This is all assuming of course that he was a shit heel to begin with. You wouldn’t break up with your soul mate, would you?

3. Daylight Savings/Arbor Day/Summer Solstice/Columbus Day: If we celebrate secular and religious holidays like Easter and Memorial Day…we have to celebrate them ALL! They’re just as important. Daylight Savings gives us more…DAYLIGHT! Arbor Day is all about the trees, without which our other drunken compatriots would have nothing to lean on as they heave the contents of their stomachs out. And really, we need to celebrate Columbus’ can-do attitude because it brought him to this great land of ours!

4. I made it through the day without punching someone in the stomach: BrownSuga has made it a rule, a tradition if you will, of NOT drinking when someone wears a t-shirt that says "Punch Me!" so as long as she doesn’t see that t-shirt, BOTTOMS UP!

5. I worked out for the fourth day in a row: Every gym-freak worth their weight knows motivating yourself to workout more than three times a week is a challenge. Getting to our local gym for a FOURTH day constitutes a BONUS day! That means we overachieved! Margaritas for everyone!

6. I found my favorite non-alcoholic mixer: Well considering it’s non-alcoholic and it’s a mixer…what better reason to drink? It’s called a mixer for a reason. Add alcohol and it’s an instant party. Take cranberry juice for instance. Mix in some Stoli or Grey Goose, add a twist of lime and you’re ready to roll. Plus cranberries are an antioxidant. *grins*

7. We survived downtown traffic/didn’t have to cuss anyone out: Orchid, Lily and BrownSuga all live or have lived in busy urban cities, trust me when we say traffic’s a bitch! If we can get through one day without having to cuss out a fellow driver it’s akin to a miracle. Even if we haven’t had to curse at other drivers, by the time we get into the doors of our respective residences, we need a drink just to de-stress from the chaos of bumper to bumper craziness, construction and the psycho that just cut us off as we were turning onto our block.

8. My loved ones didn’t annoy me today: We all love our significant others, spouses, and family. But grant us the patience after a long day not to pummel them with a blunt object. Navigating that first five minutes home (when you’re just dying to say “Calgon, take me away….!”) where everyone and anyone wants your attention and focus takes skill, finesse, and the ability to keep from screaming in their faces. When done correctly…how can you deny yourself that glass of Shiraz?

9. Because the sun rose in the east and set in the west: We all want a bit of stability in our lives. And everyone has been told to be thankful. So this is how to be thankful to the stability of our most powerful light source. *sings* The best part of waking up is alcohol in your cup!

10. We remembered to eat dinner: As MGFs we’re so busy there are days (lots of them) when we forget to eat a well balanced diet. All of us have skipped a meal or two while trying to juggle our various roles in life. It's called "role overload" folks if you want the sociological term for it. Bottom line is if you can remember to eat dinner at a reasonable time on top of everything else you are doing then you deserve a glass of Merlot or Chardonnay with your meal. Plus even the doctors recommend drinking a glass of wine a day. Don't argue with the medical profession…4 out of 5 doctors agree.

11. I outsmarted a guy: You know…this really isn’t a good idea. We do it so often; we’re bound to become alcoholics. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? We dedicated a whole list yesterday as to why we love you! Let us have this point, dammit!

12. My allergies didn’t act up: Anyone who’s had to be dependent on Flonase, Allegra, Zyrtec, Benadryl, Claratin, Visine, Singular, or any one of a host of allergy medications knows one universal truth: YOU CAN’T DRINK MALIBU WHILE ON THE DRUGS! Or at the very least it’s not recommended (Orchid can tell you from experience…it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be). So, when the hay fever and the watery eyes let you loose for a day…enjoy it!

13. My TiVo remembered to record: As stated above we are BUSY people! I mean we have to get up, get dressed, actually GO TO WORK, listen to our significant others tell a corny joke or we listen to our children beg for the new toy out. Who has time to watch McDreamy flirt with Merideth, or if the Naked Chef will actually make today the day he really goes naked, so we're are EXTREMELY grateful to the wonderful little T.V. man inside the TiVo recording and remembering and making sure we're up to date on the latest with the Charlie/ Denise divorce or the haps with Tom, Katie and Suri....I don't know about you but "Raise your glasses to the greatest invention since Yahoo, TIVO TIVO TIVO!"

14. It’s time to defrag your hard drive: A good techie MGF knows regular maintenance of your hardware is important to the longevity of your computer. Without your computer, your life pretty much stops (OMG! How am I going to get my e-mail?!). However, defragging computer takes FOREVER! Hours are wasted watching the little time bar move a long. Well, if you have to sit there, might as well have some Cabo on hand! It certainly will make the time fly. And after you wake up from your drunken stupor, defragging is DONE!

15. Do we really need these reasons?