Letting the Monster Out of the Box

It has not been a good week. No worry, folks, nothing catastrophic has happened. It’s just been one of those weeks. The kind of week where even the most chipper of souls can feel a bit run down. A kind of week where your Microsoft Outlook Calendar looks like a bracket from the NCAA basketball tournament. It’s the week where your infinite patience with people who annoy you starts to show signs of wearing out. This is the week were every minor misstep gets magnified in a really bad way. This week, you take off the halo and show your horns.

This is the week your evil twin shows up.

Now when I say evil, I don’t mean the kind that is out to destroy New York with some gigantic robot and is hell bent on world domination. This evil twin is simply the other half of you that you don’t let out of the box because societal propriety says you shouldn’t. My theory is that everyone has an evil twin…and that twin has every right in the world to come out from their cell to stretch their legs for a little bit, societal propriety be damned.

I’m not ashamed to say that I let mine out of the box this week. I call her Lillian (“Bizarro Lily” just seemed a bit cliché – and let’s face it – Lillian is a snob). I don’t hate her. In fact, I think she’s a necessary part of my life. You see, I’m what some people call a “Perpetual Caretaker.” It’s a trait shared by many people (mostly first born or people who had to grow up really fast). We feel the need to make sure everyone is okay. We’re the ones everyone comes to talk to when they have problems. We’re the family peacemaker. In general, perpetual caretakers have the most sense in a group of friends. You can always depend on a PC to be there when you need them.

The only problem is…who takes care of the caretakers? Well, unless there’s a caretaker’s support group out there that I don’t know about – I handle it by letting Lillian loose every once in awhile. And can I tell you? It’s freeing. No one can be perky and positive ALL the time. On the same token, I don’t want to burn EVERY bridge I have. I just don’t want all the responsibility for awhile.

It seems so self-centered and selfish of me to say that. And I do feel a tinge of guilt when Lillian comes to party. But in my experience, sometimes you just have to let go. There’s a little thrill in stepping outside of you. In a week where I felt like everything was just a little too overbearing, it was really great to be a little bit of a bitch on wheels.

Where Lily can be funny and sarcastic when called for, Lillian’s sense of humor has the intent to cut and cut deeply. Lily is kind, giving, and compassionate. Lillian will handle favors, but with a chip on her shoulder. Lily would die if she ever unintentionally offended someone. Lillian just doesn’t give a rat’s ass about it.

Lillian is one bad ass chick. And I, for one, am glad she’s around.

And it’s not just the fact that having Lillian around allows me to vent; she makes Lily a bit braver too. I have to admit that in times of stress, I tend to back down from my usual gusto when going after something. I just don’t feel like fighting sometimes, even if it means that I become somewhat of a temporary doormat (Hey...MGFs have their vulnerable moments, okay?). Thanks to a little visit from a feisty Lillian keeps Lily looking on top of her game in a good fight.

As the week comes to the end, I’m so glad that’s its over! Thinking back over the week – it probably wasn’t as bad as my mind made it out to be. Oh, but how boring and mundane it would have been? I’m counting the hours until Friday ends and I can launch headlong into a carefree weekend where I can relax and forget my worries. I’ll let go of Lillian for a little bit and call on her when I need to. The only problem is…I don’t want to let go of her quite yet. Maybe Lillian would like a little exercise next week too? For a little bit?

It’s more fun to be the evil twin, isn’t it?