Calling It the Way We See It

Humans are supposed to be the smartest animals in the world. We’ve gone through evolution quite well, thank you very much. From the caveman gatherer/hunter to the civilizations of Greece and Rome to modern day western society, we have come along way, baby! As a species we really should be proud of ourselves.

Do you see monkeys coming up with faster computers? When was the last time a dolphin could whip up iced, soy, caramel macchiato? They say octopi were missing a few evolutionary links in order for them to take over the world. Sucks to be them. As humans – WE RULE!

That being said – why do we have a hard time being upfront with each other? Why do we try to soften the blow by massaging negative news?

Was Jack Nicholson right in A Few Good Men: Can we not handle the truth?

I think about this topic a lot. And I try my hardest to make sure I don’t sound like a poser in life. But it was brought to the forefront last night as I was waiting for Lenny’s flight to land from Dallas. I got a frantic phone call from my friend. Now, I had just had lunch with this friend earlier in the day. The topic of conversation was her recent baby steps towards making her crush an actual reality. Things seemed to be going well – her recent trip to see the crush was nothing but positive and her impending move to the area (to be nearer to family) would be perfect timing.

However, when I got the “If I cry while explaining this, please don’t laugh at me” line shortly after picking up the phone, I knew something devastating happened in between our leisurely lunch and this call. Her words flooded out a tale of woe. Apparently the crush was mentally reviewing their little getaway together last week and decided that the relationship would be a very bad idea.

His approach was to list what they were incompatible about. This included her squeamishness about sushi (ignoring the fact that she was working up to trying it), his entrance into medical school would keep him busy (never mind that she was busy trying to establish residency so she could continue her education), and their current distance away from each other. So he killed the little sapling of relationship hope they had planted during vacation before it had a chance to see the sun because they “just wouldn’t work out.”

As I consoled her, my mind screamed, “What kind of bulls**t is that?” I’m sure his intentions were noble in his approach. Giving her a laundry list of things that were BOTH their fault was intended to pad her fall from the sky. But the fact was – he wasted his breath. She is still hurt and still confused. So, why not just tell her “I’m freaked out and I think we’re moving too fast?”

There are certain things in life that should be kept from us (Ladies, face it – you will be mad no matter what answer your guy gives to “Does this make my ass look big?” So, stop asking it.). But we hide the smallest truths from ourselves on a daily basis! I know parents who brush off a beloved pet’s untimely death to a child as “Sparky just ran away.” My husband now grades with a green pen rather than a red pen because the color red is perceived as harsh and unbending. My performance review at work doesn’t list bottom performers as “Poor.” If you’re not doing your job, you are marked “Does not consistently meet expectations.”

It is a dangerous world where we can’t honestly say “you suck” to someone who really needs to hear it.

I do not advocate the blunt force trauma of a Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsay (by the way…Hell’s Kitchen rocks!). It doesn’t work for everyone. But we really do have to step up as humans and be honest with ourselves. Animals don’t have the vocabulary we have, but they seem to have an easier time of expressing their feelings. If a ram doesn’t like the way another ram is eyeing his territory – they butt heads. Whoever butts the hardest wins. End of story.

So what’s the answer to our anti-honesty quandary? I really wish I could tell you that. To be "truthful" with you – I’m still a bit chicken myself to go headlong into being blunt. I guess while I wish I didn’t take people’s feeling into consideration, I still do. It’s times like these I really wish we weren’t as evolved. The higher we go – the harder it is to see the answers.

It’s complicated at the top, isn’t it?