You Have to FIND Your Bliss Before You Can FOLLOW It!

Modern day mythologist, Joseph Campbell said that, “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”

I remember hearing the term “follow your bliss” from a friend last year. He explained a little about Joseph Campbell and his philosophy. I remember at the time mulling over it in my head for a few days. It was a crossroad at my life. While I was generally happy with what I had (a loving husband, a challenging job, and general contentment), I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t living for me. Here I was wanting to find my road to bliss, but I was stuck in the garage with the motor running. So, I took a long hard look at my life and past experiences and took inventory.

It wasn’t that I didn’t find happiness in my life. But I came to the realization that since about the age of 12, my life was about taking care of people. While most teenagers were hanging out in the mall, dating, and worrying about their clothes – I stayed home after school and on weekends to take care of my family. That involved cooking, laundry, and taking care of my two youngest siblings. There were little shards of regular teenage life (probably why I stuck with Speech and Debate so long, as it got me out of the house) which I milked for all the experience I could get. When I moved out of the house at 19, I figured that it was going to be my time to live it up!

Right.

When I moved to a new state, I went to work full time. And then my concerns became about making sure Lenny and I could live together and achieve our immediate goals. For me, that was promotions at work. For Lenny, it was keeping him on track to get through college and into the teaching door. At work, my caretaking side was also coming through – sacrificing time and giving my loyalty in the idea that it would cement me a place in a job I enjoyed and thrived in.

And then came the layoff.

I found another fabulous job right away, my family was still a big part of my life, and Lenny and I were stronger than ever. But as a new year turned into three more, I started to feel a little restless. Was this all life had to offer me? As was my M.O., I started to question my personal conventions. Even Lenny began to ask me, “What do you want for YOU?”

Thus started the re-evaluation last year. Intrinsically, I would never turn away the opportunity to help my family, friends, or anyone who needs it. But, I had to start thinking about me. What did I want to do? Where did I want to be? Where was my bliss? More importantly – WHAT was my bliss?

And I think that has to be the most frustrating part for a lot of people. We know what the end result should be, but we don’t know exactly what it is. But I do know this: If I don’t start looking for it on my own, I’ll never find my way to the road. Personal happiness doesn’t fall in your lap conveniently. You have to work for it just like anything else you want in this world.

I started digging through my life and figured out what would make me happy. First off, I went back to writing. My sister (Shout out to Cara Luna!) has said that, “The only time you can ever really express yourself was by putting it on paper.” After nailing down a short story, I wrote a novel, and then birthed this little piece of the internet vapor. Once I did that, I moved on. Would you believe that writing a novel and keeping MGF running is the easy part?

The next part was to do something I never thought I could do. I had to learn to be selfish without sacrificing the needs of my family and friends. That meant learning how to say “no.” It means telling people how I really felt and sticking by it. It means not getting in the middle of futile arguments. It means letting people be angry at me for not compromising my happiness.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, following my bliss has changed some relationships in my life. Not everyone is happy with the change (or in some cases the accusation of “enhancing my difficult nature”), but I feel better about myself. I feel like I can do anything and my options are endless.

Who would have thought that almost a year later, I would finally understand what Joseph Campbell meant by his three little words? I still want to follow my personal edict of bending without breaking. Up until I decided to try Campbell’s credo, I thought I was doing a good job of it. The thing about hindsight though, is that you can only see it in the rearview mirror when you pass by. But I’m glad I had the chance to reflect.

I got my map, I figured out my bliss, and I’m hitting the road. Which way are you going? Can I give you a lift?