Happy Holdays from Modern Girl Friday!

Cartoon by Steven Sack, courtesy of Slate Magazine (www.slate.com)

Dear MGF Faithful,

May your holiday be filled with happiness and joy. Take the time to you enjoy your family and friends. Reflect on the past and be eager for the present! Celebrate as if it would be our last.

No matter what you believe, what you celebrate, or how you feel about the holidays -- we hope that you find purpose, clarity, and peace.

Happy Holidays!

- Lily

Cuts Like a Knife

Lenny is a Kevin Smith fan. I like anything that will make me laugh. These two components put together reinforce the idea that I have found my soul mate in life. But on a more shallow level, it means Lenny bought “Clerks II” and I got to watch it with him while eating pizza on a rare night where we had nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company.

It also gives me fodder to write on my Sunday morning attempts to finish my blog post early at Starbucks.

Anyway…

In the course of watching “Clerks II,” (which if you haven’t – I suggest you do so if you’re looking for a good laugh and a feel for early 90’s nostalgia) we came across the section of the movie I will refer to as “The Racial Incident.”

During TRI, our story’s favorite cynic/smartass, Randall, spews out an archaic racial slur offending, not only offending his boss, but a customer as well. Only he doesn’t see it as a racial slur. Randall rationalizes that his grandmother used to call him this name all the time and wasn’t a racist. But as his best friend Dante argues with him, Randall lists off other terms and names that his Grandmother used to say and slowly comes to the realization: “Wow. Grandma was a little racist.”

You would think that would deter Randall from using the slur. But let’s be real – this is a Kevin Smith flick – the man has to make a social point. Randall tells Dante that yes; the term can be seen as racist. But with a little work, “We can take it back.” So a large part of the subplot is Randall trying to legitimize this term. Naturally, it doesn’t quite work and Randall believes that everyone should just loosen up.

While innately hilarious (Dante’s and Randall’s argument regarding the term, not the term itself), Randall’s insistence on the term being nothing but a set of words really intrigued me.

As someone who gravitates towards the intricacies of communication, I’ve made my whole life an informal study about words, how we use them, and how they evoke a gamut of emotions from people. The latter has been a fascinating study in progress. If I were in a Masters program, I’d try to hammer it into a thesis. We don’t think about it often enough – but words aren’t just a random selection of letters and sounds.

Used with accurate and instinctive skill, humans wield words like magic wands and can morph them into a purpose. At best, it can bring happiness, confidence, and love. In function, it organizes, brings clarity, and provokes thought. At worse, they can maim, undermine, and make one seethe.

Knowing that, I often wonder why we wave our wands so recklessly nowadays.

Words are such a powerful tool, but many of us never learn enough to harness it and use it to our advantage. We take for granted that what we say will be accepted by other people without question. Much like Randall, we’re caught up in our little bubble, eating the verbal sandwich we’re fed everyday because we don’t know any better. More importantly – we don’t think enough about the effect those words have. And once you let go of a string of words, you can’t take it back (Sorry Randall, YOU CAN’T!).

Think about a snowball fight with your friend. Both of you running around to make more snowballs to throw at each other. You’re having a great time…landing a few hits. As you’re making a batch, you unknowingly get a rock into one of the snowballs. And of course, that’s the one that hits the other person right in the face. You never intend on injuring the person that way. But the snowball left your hand, and the Law of Inertia says there’s nothing you can do to stop it until it hits a bigger object.

That same law applies to how we communicate. We can’t just go around flinging words around without thinking. There’s a difference between speaking your mind and speaking stupid. As much as I would LOVE to tell some of my customers to grow a sack and move on when they complain, I know that wouldn’t be very 1) Nice of me to say and 2) Smart business maneuvering on my part.

Just like me donning a bikini or eating with your mouth open – talking without thought just shouldn’t be done. Imagine if we all took a split second to think before letting the snowball fly out of your hands. Can you imagine how much smarter celebrities and politicians would sound if they did? The lack of Bushisms alone would force Washington D.C. correspondents to actually report/write about the news!

So, as this holiday season comes rapidly to a close and we all start writing out our New Year’s Resolutions, consider putting “Think before I speak” on the list. I think it actually might be more feasible than losing weight or quitting smoking.

Help put a stop to “Porch Monkey Syndrome” (watch the movie…you’ll get what I’m saying). The world doesn’t need another litter of people like Randall T. Graves. The original is more than enough.

Chasing Orchid: A Light Bulb Moment…For the Teacher

Even a teacher is always learning! Remember, you can touch a person's life by being yourself and not even realize it. Hope you enjoy. ~Orchid

I walked into a mess from the moment I got into work this morning. Turns out one of my students, who is on my case load, plagiarized her senior paper. This isn’t the first incident with her, she was warned the first time and given a chance to edit her paper and turn it back in. Apparently she did the same thing. Because of this she will fail the class for the semester and not graduate. The senior paper is a requirement to graduate. Without it, she will have to take the class again.

So I walked into the office to clock in for the day and was immediately faced with her teacher, he wanted me to set up a meeting with all the appropriate people to discuss this student’s options. Needless to say, I spent hours on the phone arranging everything and barely had a moment to breathe. Not only did I talk to everyone, the student also came into my room crying her eyes out. More clean-up/comfort duty for me!

Now I don’t mind this, except for the fact that Christmas break is literally 2 and a half days away. My regular students have been a royal pain in the ass and not one of them is in a learning mood. On top of which they are all scrambling to finish make-up work so they can pass the quarter. This means that I have no free periods at all because all my students are constantly coming in for help. Can we say revolving door? Needless to say it’s been quite a chaotic week.

As a general rule, I haven’t had the best experience teaching. My kids are pretty unruly, part of it comes with the special education territory, the other part comes from their complacency. They are used to sliding by in their classes because they are “special ed.” They have actually used this as an excuse, I constantly hear “Miss, why do we have to do this work, we’re special ed after all?”

But, just when I thought all hope was lost, I happened upon a light bulb moment. Now usually when teachers talk about a light bulb moment, they are speaking of the students they teach. Today, however, it happened to the teacher.

I have one student, a class clown, who has had a lot of obstacles to overcome in the last couple months. He was leaving today to start Christmas break early. Instead of going to his classes, he kept popping up in mine. He had an obvious need to be around someone he felt comfortable with. There are extenuating circumstances surrounding this child and so all of his teachers have been cutting him some slack, hence why he was able to spend the day with me.

While being his usual silly self, there was a serious tinge to him today. As exasperating as my day had been, the last thing I wanted to deal with was him disrupting my classes. However, I took a deep breath and managed to remain calm. Around lunchtime, just when I had reached the end of my rope and was about to kick him out of my classroom, he turned around and asked me a serious question.

“Miss, how many kids do you have?

I looked at him, because he already knows, and simply said “One.”

“No,” he said, “How many kids do you have here.”

“Oh…hmm about 55 or so…why?”

He was silent for a minute and then turned to me and said, “So you have 56 kids in all, do you want to know how I came up with that number?”

I was a bit puzzled as I told him to explain.

He said, “Well, you come to school everyday to see us…right?”

“Right.”

“Well, then” he stated very matter of factly, “You have 56 kids total, including your daughter.”

We joked for a few more minutes and then he left to go get lunch. After he left, I sat there and thought about what he had said. For a young man who is always fooling around, his statement rang very true. But for him to note and actually say that to me, meant the world.

I always said, if I touch one student’s life it would be enough. *smiles* I guess I can count him as my first, but hopefully not my last.

BrownSuga's Sweet Spot: Meet me in St. Louis

"Meet me in St. Louis, Louis,

Meet me at the fair, Don't tell me the lights are shining any place but there; We will dance the Hoochee Koochee, I will be your tootsie wootsie, If you will meet in St. Louis, Louis, Meet me at the fair."

So this past weekend I had the opportunity to meet 60+ people from a website/message board forum I visit regularly. I've never met such a large group of people at one time from the same website. This was an educational and very interesting experience to say the least.

On Saturday 64 people got together at one person's house to just meet. To put names with faces, to have a conversation without the wait period of a message board or the impersonality of a computer screen. Like any other site there was a common thread that linked everyone. Some sites are for a certain television show, game, religion, political party, characteristic, hobby etc. Either way that common thread helps us to "break the ice".

If you've never met someone from offline, you should try it. Now I'm not advising being stupid about the person you meet. Nor am I suggesting that this meeting be clandestine in any way. If you can't tell your husband, wife, significant other or friends that you are going to meet someone from the internet then guess what, you shouldn't do it. There are many people who meet "online buddies" for sex, relationships, companionship, or whatever and that's your own business. That is not what I met these people for and I honestly believe I would never do that (nothing personal to anyone who does...just not my thing....I've never had a problem finding sex in my own town no need for me to ever venture on the internet for it).

There are wonderful and amazing people in this world. They have knowledge and interests that are unique. Too many times we become complacent with just chatting online. We stop all human contact. Not only is that sick but it can become the detriment to our society. There is a scare for professors to teach the "instant messenger" age how to communicate. They don't know how to write real letters, speak properly on the phone or write a paper without "internet slang".

And adults aren't any better. If you find yourself with no friends in real life and the people you talk to are referred to only by their 'nics', then there is a problem. Suggest a real meeting. Get out and visit one of those disgusting coffee places if you must. Real contact with people is a good thing. And you just might find someone special in the process.

One of the people I met, I ended up going to their house and then carpooling with them to the get together. We had extra time to talk and get to know one another without the other 62 people around. We were able to really get a feel for the other's personality. And I have to say it was nice. I hope to see them again. We are already planning another get together. We still chat on the message board regularly, but when I see their nic on a message I can picture their face in my mind and know there is a real person on the other side of that computer.

Fate and Her Sense of Humor

Invitation to Company Holiday Party = 4 Years Continuous Employment

Black & White Lane Bryant Cocktail Dress = $70 + Shipping, Handling, and Tax

Accessories and Foundation Garments =$80

Black Nine West Dress Pumps =$55

Salon Services, Tip, and Make-up =$100

Hotel Room at JW Marriott = $139 + Taxes and additional charges

Food and Drink for Hotel Room “After Party” = $50-$75

Hours of Preparation for 4-Hour Party = At least 12-15 hours of my Saturday

The Look on My Face When Discovering Winning One of the Company’s Highest Honors = You know where this is going!

I should have known something was up when I started mildly stressing out about this year’s company party the moment I RSVP’d back in mid-November. When my sister mentioned that my nephew’s baptism might be that week or on Christmas Eve, I was pushing for Christmas Eve. Usually Lenny and I just go to the party and drive home. But this year I insisted on getting booking from the company block of rooms.

It's company party. It’s drunken merriment and embarrassing stories on Monday.

But Fate is funny that way, I guess. Well, the story is even funnier, LOL.

Like I said – I couldn’t explain why I was stressing that everything needed to be absolutely perfect. Lenny actually had to tell me to chill the @#$% out before we left for the resort Saturday morning. I had a schedule, I double-checked everything, and I insisted on being in control. After taking a deep breath and looked in the mirror, I didn’t know why I was worried. I looked good, I had my Man, and we were going to have a blast.

So Lenny and I sat down at a table with Sunny Treasures, her husband, and another one of our teammates and her spouse. We chose something that was pretty far from the stage, because who really needs the speakers blasting over your gourmet dinner? Also – it was nearest to the exit without being obvious. We’d been there about 15-minutes when the Managing Director of our division and his wife came along and asked if we had a couple spaces at our table open. We all like working this man and we all figured it would be career suicide if we said, “Um. Sorry, we’re saving those for other people.” (Which we weren’t…but we all knew the score.)

Anyway, dinner progressed nicely. Whoever planned the party did a great job this year with the decorating and food selections. And, as we knew, Uber-Boss #1 (We have 3) was a really cool guy. So, right before dessert, Sunny and I make a Powder Room run. We weren’t in a hurry, all we had left before the band started playing was our company’s equivalent to Employees of the Year.

We weren’t in a hurry, because no one we know or believe actually deserves this awards wins. We were really more in a hurry for our dessert and coffee.

Unbeknownst to us, my Uber-Boss #1 was talking at our table with Uber-Boss #2 when #2 turned to #1 and said, “Where’s Lily?”

Lenny was finishing off a glass of wine when U-B#1 calmly, but with a tinge of panic said, “Where’s your wife?”

“Um…she and Sunny went to the Ladies Room.”

“She’s coming back…RIGHT?”

“Uh…I would assume so.”

That seemed to placate U-B #1 and #2 and everyone went back to their seat. Meanwhile, Sunny and I had an exchange coming out of the stalls.

“Hold up, Sunny. I want to touch up my lipstick.”

She laughed, “I don’t care about mine.”

“Yeah, well I’m being anal retentive and I just spent a butt load of money on this lipstick.”

Another joking laugh, “Whatever.”

We got back into the ballroom and slipped back into our seats just as the MC started to talk about the awards that were about to be given out. I leaned over and whispered to Sunny, “Remember how we bitched that no one we know ever wins this stuff?” We all gave the MC our attention and tried to hold our applause until the end as requested.

Alright…yours truly was only half listening. I mean really – I love my job – but this is the part of the party that most people dread. Don’t tell me you don’t sit at your holiday party wanting to roll your eyes because there’s at least one person you believe kissed some major ass to be recognized.

Anyway, we’re sitting there three names in and the MC announces my name (real name, not pseudonym).

Only we didn’t know it because he butchered it. And since I was only half listening, I didn’t catch the part where he announced my job title and division. A good 30-seconds Everyone else at the table kind of went, “Wait a minute…we don’t know anyone by that last name…”

“Lily,” Uber-Boss #1 catches my attention from across the table. I look up, “Lily…that’s YOU.”

“No way.”

“Yeah…congratulations!”

“OH. MY. GOD!” Everyone at the table started cheering. Another minute of congratulations, a kiss from Lenny and I settled back into my seat. That’s so cool! I won something!

“Un, Lily?” U-B #1, kind of laughing now.

“Yes?”

“I think you have to go up there.”

“WHAT?!”

So I went up there…shaking and laughing the whole way up. My walk up there was filled with hoots and hollers from other teammates and people I’ve worked with since arriving in my current position. U-B #2 was sitting up close to the stage and being a very loud and boisterous kind of guy called out my name and gave me the thumbs up.

I now can tell you I have an idea of what being a celebrity is like. I got my photo taken with the President of the mortgage division (and I guess part of the committee who hands out this stuff) and a really nifty and heavy award. The whole time I stood there asking myself What the hell just happened?

I got the picture and start making my way back to my seat. U-B #2 stood up and gave me a big bear hug. And everything just kind of snowballed from there. Hugs and kisses from Lenny. Congratulations from friends and other colleagues. My teammates and I squealed and jumped around. It’s like they won the award with me. More than a few times was “OMG!” was mentioned. Even as the party rolled along, people would stop me and congratulate me.

Found out in bits and pieces that Uber-Boss #3 had nominated me and all of them knew about it. U-B #1 admitted that he was having trouble keeping a straight face. I could understand the giddy feeling I was feeling. But it seemed that these guys were just as happy as I was. Getting all these pats on the back, hugs, and “There’s our star!” being called after me was getting a bit embarrassing. But after thinking about it, I grabbed Sunny’s hand.

“No one from our division has ever won this thing. Am I right, Sunny?”

“No.”

So that was it. It WAS like they had won. I’ve known these gentlemen since I was an entry level peon who opened mail and did data entry. They, as well as my direct manager, have given me opportunity after opportunity to sell myself. And of course – being the Type-A that I am – did it because it was part of my job and it would help our business grow. We get bitched slapped as a division for being successful…so this was a feather in their cap as well as mine.

And how did it really feel? ABSOLUTELY HUMBLING.

Hopefully – I’ll always feel that way.

Bah @#$% Humbug to You Too!

Despite being a child of the sun and the beach and despite living in the desert for the last 10 years, I can say with all certainty: I LOVE WINTER!!!

To me, there is quite a lot I love about the winter. It means hot cocoa and marshmallows or hot apple cider while reading a book. It means my weekend wardrobe is filled with jeans, v-neck sweaters, and a nice scarf. It’s a good, stiff wind that reddens your cheeks. It’s curling up under a thick down comforter for a night to sleep. It’s a great excuse to cuddle on a couch with a DVD and a blanket with your significant other or spouse. And best of all: It’s the holidays!

How can you not love this time of year? It’s the one time of year where most people seem to be in a good mood. Almost everyone can take a deep breath, step back and be thankful for what they do have. Generosity is on the up at this time of year. No one thinks of dumping their extra change or two in the red bucket in front of stores. And how can we overlook Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanzaa? Three gift giving holidays in one month? I’ll be completely honest – I’m as happy as a clam when December rolls around.

I wish I could say that for everyone.

Just as sure as there is a “Black Friday” shopping extravaganza the day after Thanksgiving, the holiday boo bugs start to come out. Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking to YOU Grinch. You know who you are! You’re that one person that goes around denouncing everything and anything about the holiday season.

The holidays are nothing but an orgy of spending and materialism.

Everyone’s so fake this time of year. Like you’re forced to be nice.

Why should this be different than any other time of year?

This time of year just sucks.

Okay, Scrooge. I will grant you that there is a ton of spending. And yes, there are people who take the “Reason for the Season” (I won’t quibble, take your pick on deity, religion, or philosophical ideal) and completely bastardize it with greed and shallowness. But there are people like me, who make it a point to celebrate this part of the year with honest intentions and an open pocketbook.

And you just won’t shut-up about it! While other people are genuinely enjoying themselves and trying to make the best of it, there you are with your tired, bitter rant about capitalism and how we’re just whores to retail, etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile, all I want to do is wear my Tigger Santa hat and spend some quality time with my family and friends.

I’m not going to take it anymore. Listen up Scrooge, Grinch, and Willie T. Soke…Lily White wants to lay a little knowledge on your grumpy asses:

SHUT THE F@#K UP! YOU’RE BRINGING DOWN MY HOLIDAY BUZZ!

I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure some of you share my feelings. When it comes to the holidays, I spare no expense for my family and friends. Why? Call me dumb, but I enjoy spoiling them at this time of year. So many people give and give to make my life easier. Why shouldn’t I? My Mom and Dad gave me freakin’ LIFE. Why shouldn’t they see a little box from Coach under the tree with their name on it? It’s not like I go out and buy that stuff for them EVERY month. They’d never treat themselves that way…but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t! This is the one time of year where I can truly show them that I’m grateful. And stylish…don’t forget stylish.

Because I get so much in the course of a year (Heck, in the course of my life!), I don’t expect anything in return. When I gift, I gift because I think someone deserves it.

And about this “We should be nice all year round” argument you have. Well, guess what? I AM. It makes me feel good to treat others well…why would I limit it to one month a year?! December just gives me license to be more open about it. Because let’s face it – in today’s cynical society – any good deed is looked upon as questionable with a “What’s In It for You?” kind of attitude.

Humanitarian deeds over the course of the year do not have to be forking over your money to charities. It’s the small things too you know. Being humane is covering the lunch tab for a co-worker who forgot their wallet – and not making them pay it back. It’s going up to the one person at a party that obviously doesn’t know anyone and having a genuine conversation with them. Real charity is giving blood. Its spending a couple hours volunteering to take care of your sibling’s kids. If it’s done with true intentions, you’re fulfilling your destiny as a citizen of the universe.

So, take your negative, holiday-hating butts out of our way and fume in someone else’s corner! If someone sends you a card, just nod and take it. And for once, instead of going off on a 30-minute diatribe on how having turkey is inhumane, ENJOY your family instead at dinnertime. Like you’re so fond of saying – humanity is so much bigger than the holidays.

Fine. Start acting like it.

I’ll make a pact with you okay? If you don’t like the holidays…tell me. When we hang out, I’ll restrain myself. Think of it as my Christmas present to you. All I ask in return is that you stop lashing out at the people who are take this time of year to heart. We’re not evil for enjoying the holidays – we just seem to have a little more hope.

So save your belly aching for someone else, alright? Maybe if you relaxed a little, you might enjoy this time of year as well.

Oh, and by the way? Happy Holidays!

BrownSuga’s sweet spot: Oops…I did it again

No this blog is not about Britney Spears (although I’m happy she woke up and kicked K-fed out of bed , she replaced him with what I’d consider a bigger embarrassment to my age group, Paris Hilton. Take Rosie up on her offer and move in with her, you and your two babies need serious help. You do remember you have children, right?) but in actuality about mistakes.

Last night while contemplating my life, I started thinking about some failures I’ve had and some mistakes I’ve made. I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made. Each failure and mistake as well as each success has been an incredible learning experience for me. But like any lesson learned, I want to take from it something I can use later in life. So for me I’ve had one “major” failure. I don’t talk about it to anyone. In fact I can bet no one but God, myself and Jennifer knows about this failure and even Jennifer, I’m sure has forgotten about it by now.

I do think about it frequently. I wonder how my life would be if that failure hadn’t happened. It was big enough to alter just about every aspect of my life. So I think it’s common to still ponder.

But more importantly, today I took the first step to change that. One step at a time is what they say. If things don’t change or I can’t find a success from this particular failure in this particular way, I won’t be mad or disappointed. I will reevaluate again and decide if I feel it is worth it to try again.

So do you have any “failures” or mistakes that you’d like to work on? They might not be failures by your definition. I use the term because that is how I look at my situation. For each person it will differ.

At 25, I know there will be more mistakes made. I hope that I will always be willing to learn from them. I don’t claim to know everything. In fact I enjoy learning things I don’t know. One day I truly hope to know myself. I’m positive I don’t know everything yet. It took my mother over 40 years to truly know herself. Oprah Winfrey, Patti LaBelle, Ellen Burstyn and Sheryl Crow have all realized that it took them well into their 40s and for some into their 50s before being their real self became something they were proud of and able to do. Sometimes I think it’s a shame that we are almost forced by society to make such huge decisions (i.e. going to college, getting married, having children, picking a career) at a time when who we are isn’t really defined.

We make mistakes. Sometimes they are big, sometimes the mistakes are small. But did you learn from the mistake and will you take the steps to change them?

We Break for Speech Geeks

Hey there, MGFers! The Lily is back! The month went by a lot faster than anyone expected, but it was good to take a step back. No, I have not finished editing my novel, but I will tell you that I am deep enough into it that I can’t just drop it. So, it will get done eventually! Congratulations to my friends who did finish NaNoWriMo…you guys rock! And a special thanks to BrownSuga and Orchid for holding the fort down while away. Now…back to the show! – Lily

Lenny and Lily White are masochists.

You have to have a taste for suffering to enjoy and dedicate your life to Speech and Debate. Since the age of fourteen, the time between October and April has always been filled with countless weekends of sixteen to twenty hour days of either competing or coaching.

Our schedule during Speech and Debate season rivals that of any TWO sports in high school. And coaching it is a full time commitment. There are practices after school until 9 and 10 o’clock at night during the week. You have to be sure you leave the tournament with the 40 kids you came to the tournament with. We ride the kids about their academic eligibility constantly. Creating a 100-slot entry ON TIME is a challenge. Proof reading speeches and bills is a way of life. It’s all very time consuming. And that’s just dealing with the kids. Lucky for me, I only deal with it once or twice a week.

Then you have Lenny’s job – not only is he a coach who sees the kids five days a week – he’s a man in charge of a state. Being the chairman of our state coaching association means, I get to share my husband sometimes. It hasn’t gotten out of control (yet). But, every once in awhile, there’ll be the string of cell phone calls when we’re trying to eat. Or Lenny will be home late on a weeknight because a coach running their tournament needs assistant setting up. And at tournaments, I visit him in his little computer hobbit hole where he and a small staff keep the master score card for the competition.

It is during these little visits where I came to a realization about my husband. This weekend, I walked my way through the halls of our host high school during the last tournament of our winter semester (FREE AT LAST…FREE AT LAST…THANK LINCOLN-DOUGLAS DEBATE I’M FREE AT LAST!). Peeking into the room Lenny had been working out of for the last two days, I took caution to make sure his mood was in the green. Trying to get us out of there before midnight is a very stressful thing and often leaves Lenny testy. Many a fight in the White Marriage has occurred in this scenario.

Luckily, Lenny was in a good mood and a quiet moment. It was the middle of the day, so I sat down and was happy to spend time with him. I started my wifely inquisition:

“How are you doing, honey?”

“ caused me to lose an entire section of . But other than that, I guess things are going okay.”

“Cool. Did you get enough sleep last night?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay…tomorrow you’re sleeping in. Did you eat?”

“Yes honey, I ate. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop telling our kids to badger me about eating.”

“Lenny…you don’t eat when you’re busy.” “You know I’m right.”

“Yeah. Fine.”

This conversation mirrors just about every conversation that I’ve had with Lenny at a Speech and Debate Tournament in the last four years. Someone recently said at a tournament that if you keep Lenny fed, happy, and working the event would go off pretty decently.

So basically my husband is a Tamagotchi. And I’m responsible for pushing the buttons.

But that wasn’t the biggest revelation of the day! As I sat there congratulating myself for the Tamagotchi remark, it dawned on me that we have been doing this for a very long time. Sixteen years! To this day, my parents and non-speech friends wonder why I continue to work as hard as I do for free. I always tell them the same thing: Being a Speechie is in your blood. Once you have it, you can’t really get rid of it.

Being a part of competitive Speech and Debate has given me lots of opportunity to do things that I never thought I’d be able to do. It’s given me skills that have gotten me through life in a much easier fashion than some of my other friends. Through it, I became the person I am today.

I love the activity. I love what it does for teens. I love it as if it were a person in my family.

Whenever things get frustrating and I think about leaving or taking a break, I find it very hard to imagine my life without Speech. I mean, come on! My schedule would be a hell of a lot emptier without it!

Half of my life has been about Speech. Speech and Debate to me is hauling around little black binders and big plastic tubs of evidence. It’s learning to be comfortable in a suit and heels all day long for three days straight. It’s filling my head with facts in 30-minutes and spitting out a 7-minute speech. It’s about juggling time to compete in five different events. It’s been spent expecting my best performance to win anytime and anyplace. It’s been learning about how sometimes my best isn’t enough and that’s okay.

But it has also been about some great memories: A snowball fight outside a noodle house in Harvard Square. Puking right before giving a speech that would eventually be considered one of the six best at a national tournament. My first kiss ever on a bench in the West Common of San Diego State University. Screaming “What makes the grass grow?” to thirty-five kids and have them chant “Blood! Blood! Blood!” at morning vocal warm-ups. A marriage proposal in front of 500 hundred students and coaches.

Yeah…Speech has given me some good times. How can I ever turn my back on it?

So often I hear people put down Speech and Debate. It still ranks out there with the Chess Team and AV Club at some schools as the definition of cool. But after all these years and all the gifts I’ve gotten from the activity, I can’t be ashamed of it.

My name is Lily White – and I’m a Speech Geek. Long may my Speech Freak Flag fly!