BrownSuga's Sweet spot: Why can't we be friends? Part Duex
Last time on BrownSuga's sweet spot...
Can men and women be friends? From experience, our very own BrownSuga learned that the term friendship differs from men and women. And in her search for truth and justice the Ladder Theory was found. The theory that men want to sleep with every woman he meets and women separate the men she meets into two groups; those she would sleep with, if the situation arises and the guys who will only be friends no matter what they do. The theory and BrownSuga's experience only deals with heterosexual men and women but with such a controversial topic everyone has something to say.
We also met David and Gabrielle. They were just meeting in a bookstore. What will happen? WIll they sleep with each other? Does David have a chance?
And now the conclusion of Why Can't We Be Friends....
The ladder theory states that during that initial meeting between Gabrielle and David, David saw Gabrielle and figured she was cute enough to invest a bit of time into trying to get her in bed. When Gabrielle saw David, she determined that he would be a great friend, but only a friend.
When a man meets a woman he places her on his ladder. The top of the ladder represents the unattainable women. The women so gorgeous, he’d bust a nut if she smiled at him. The different levels of his ladder descend from there with the middle of the ladder representing the women they’d have sex with while drunk AND admit to it and the bottom of the ladder representing the women that while sober they’d never look twice at but if they get drunk enough they would have sex with them AND won’t admit to it. Men will simply have sex with any woman; some more easily than others but there isn’t a woman they won’t try to get into bed.
Men only have one ladder. All women they meet will fall somewhere on this ladder. The time spent with a woman can make a guy move her status on his ladder. Take the example above, David was initially attracted to Gabrielle but after a few weeks of seeing how cool she is for really being interested in sci-fi books, she climbed the ladder to a higher position.
When a woman meets a man the thought process is a bit more complicated (what isn’t with women) and usually subconscious but he is placed on a ladder. Women have 2 ladders. The first ladder is the friends ladder; the second is the real ladder. The men on the friends ladder are the guys that are in a woman’s friend zone. Chris Rock had a whole act on a woman’s friend-zone. He and the writer of this website claim once you’re in a woman’s friend zone you will NOT get out or off that particular ladder. Ladder jumping is what it’s been called.
There are many people who will disagree with this theory and there are those who will agree. The guys who swear they have female friends and the women who believe they have true guy friends. I don’t doubt there are exceptions to the rule. However, I do believe that if you ask any man to show you a woman who they will not have sex with, 9 times out of 10 that opinion can be changed within a short amount of time. This doesn’t make men disgusting or easy they are just visually sexual creatures. So ladies, that guy who listens to you talk about random things wants to get in your pants. And gentlemen if she says something to the effect of “ you are such a great friend”, sorry.
One commenter from last week’s blog says he is an exception to the rule. He has married female friends. Not to say it’s not true but right after I got married more guys propositioned me than before I got married. Just because a person is married does not mean the sexual attraction to that person disappears. You might have a moral code that will prevent you from approaching her/him in a sexual matter. But assume for a second you forget about your moral code on Saturday night and she in a rare instance appears at your door in only a trench coat, claiming that for one night she wants to be more than friends. She wants to know what it’s like to have you, are you going to turn her down? You can say as many times to all the people in the world that you wouldn’t dare sleep with her but honestly I just can’t believe that.
I have guy friends and at one time I would have sworn that this theory was trash. Then I really began looking at the friendships and talked to my girlfriends. That’s when I learned that each of those “friends” did research on how to make me more than a friend. Some tried and I being oblivious didn’t even catch it.
So how can guys and girls be friends? It can happen. There are two ways that I’ve found that works. The first way is if you let the attraction happen, acknowledge it and let it go. The attraction probably isn’t more than lust so it will pass. If it’s not just lust and you’re in love…well I’m not giving advice here, so do what you want. The second way it can happen is if you ignore it and never mention it to the other person. By not mentioning it and making them feel awkward, I think you have a better chance of saving the friendship. But once they know and they begin to overcompensate because they don’t reciprocate your feelings then the friendship is probably screwed. Of course there are probably other ways. I don’t know them, if you find them then more power to you.
I just found this site and thought it was funny. The relationship between men and women have been entertaining and perplexing the world since the beginning of time. I like to find the humor in it others seem to take it a bit more seriously.
posted by Brown Suga @ 5:15 PM
6 Comments:
Okay, for the most part, I agree with this article, but I just think there is something missing.
I do agree that there is just one ladder for single guys, but what happens is that a number of married guys make it difficult to reach the ladder by suspending this ladder 20 feet in the air.
We then reconstruct the ladder by removing the top and bottom rungs since they either represent the unattainable or the ones we are least likely to bed with.
Now the rungs are redefined as well. This now becomes a situational ladder which means that if a situation presented itself you can find out the percentage that sex is most likely to occur. The bottom rung of this 3-ring ladder represents a 50% chance, the rung above is 75% and, of course, the last rung is 100%
So now we have a ladder with probably 3 rungs, which means that they all represent situations in which there is a possibility.
Now the only way to reach this suspended ladder is by trampoline. However a lot of people are going to have a hard time reaching that ladder since everyone now has this weight of consequences strapped to their ankles. These consequences are made up from whatever moral code we follow.
The people who carry the heaviest weights used to represent the top and bottom rungs of the ladder and they are the most likely the ones we can become friends there is the least likelihood that they can bounce off that trampoline and grab that ladder.
So if we notice some very light ankle weights, we try not to let them use our trampoline, because we already have an idea of how far they are going to get on our ladder.
Okay, I see I took this a little far, but I hope you got my point.
Actually I have to disagree again Anthony. The whole idea is that (to use your analogy) either all women have light weights or your ladder isn't suspended 20 ft. If you agree that in general men would have sex with all women then their ladder can't be high up in the air where some women wouldn't be able to get to. The other thing I disagree with is your idea that the woman has to do the work to get on a man's ladder. Again back to the basic point of the one ladder is that the work is already done. We were born with breasts and a vagina, see work done. That is the only requirement. It's the man who puts them on the ladder. What I will conceed is placement on a person's ladder and this goes for both men and women. If a woman wants to work to MOVE up a guys ladder or MOVE down then it's within her power but to get on the ladder was done when she was born (or conceived).
But thanks for the comments
Oh and by the way, I think you are equating wanting to have sex with having sex. A person's moral code will (hopefully) stop them from having sex but it won't stop them from WANTING to have sex. I don't doubt that my husband won't look at another woman and think about sex with her, just because he's married.
The men who are in every woman's "friendzone" aren't having sex with these women, they WANT TO. They are actively working to get sex but it's still a want and not an act.
The theory is based on the WANT factor. Unfortunately marriage doesn't even do much for stopping the act in a lot of people (hence the 50%+ divorce rate and the probably 95% of those still married who've had affairs).
Mrs. Suga,
I wasn't actually taking all of this too seriously and came up with this ladder and trampoline theory to have some fun with it.
I am not necessarily arguing that men all of the sudden lose that WANT once there is marriage.
What I am saying is that it is now evaluated in a different manner. In regards to the other ladder, I always looked upon it as something a man has to actively pursue. In fact, I do believe there is an instant evaluation when a man comes across a woman.
I guess the silly approach I was trying to take is that we no longer have to evaluate it with a ladder. What happens now is that when a man sees a woman once they are married, the same evaluation goes on.
Except now, just assume that every woman is on the same level and that we would want all of them. Then we conjure up this weight that keeps them from reaching the ladder when jumping on our trampoline, which occurs with any conversation with said female.
So when I was saying that the ladder has now become situational, I am strictly talking about if the right circumstance arose.
So if know any female who have any light ankle weights, we try to steer clear of them because we know it would get us in trouble. Heavy ankle weight people are way more safer. Sure the weights could shrink on some people once you get to know them, but that is when you don't allow them to jump on your trampoline (which basically means to reduce the conversations).
So if you wonder why some males have been reducing conversation with you, when you thought that things were going along just fine, it could be either two things:
1. They are ticked off that nothing has progressed.
2. In their minds, you somehow got a hold of the bottom ring of your ladder and they are trying to stay out of a situation they may regret.
And after saying I wasn't taking this all too seriously, I write another mini novel.
So please don't get wrong. To narrow it down, the first ladder represents to me actively pursuing a WANT and pretty much represents the single males. And yes, there are even some married guys who refuse to reconstruct the ladder.
My version is a little different in that the want is still there, but it is not usually actively pursued. If I am talking with female coworker, soccer mom, kid's teacher, etc., their is no active goal associated with it if I continue to get to know them.
I feel ya. Thanks for the comment. The site has a forum and people could talk about their problems or ask questions and those boys are SERIOUS...it's bit funny in a mean way.
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