BrownSuga's sweet spot: Why can’t we be friends?

Do you hear War in your head now?

A bit of background information…

In Get Set a.k.a. preschool a boy pulled one of my pigtails. I punched him in the face. My grandmother had to pick me up from school. In the third grade, Michael Luigi punched me in my arm. I punched him back.

I am not a violent person.

When I turned 11 in the sixth grade I hit puberty. My chest grew from nothing to a 36D. The boys didn’t notice because I hid them well.

My first date wasn’t until college. In high school I wasn’t really into boys. Most were immature and not very cute. I was the supportive friend to my girlfriends who went through the ups and downs of relationships. I watched them play “games” with boys and tried to be sympathetic, compassionate and encouraging but…

In college, I really started observing the male/female relationship from both sides. My “masculine” side was already there since middle and high school. My “feminine” side came into fruition in college. I began to do things to make myself appealing to men, nothing over the top or ridiculous. I wore clothes that fit (I was a fan of baggy clothes to hide whatever curves I had). I began to appreciate the male form and began to develop more than friendship feelings for some. I fell in love for the first time my 2^nd year of college.

One more thing that should be known, I am the type of woman who usually sides with the man in most arguments. I’ve watched women do and say stupid things. This isn’t to say all men are always right, but in a majority of instances that I’ve been privy to, my female friends can’t understand why I didn’t take their side.

And now for the blog…

Ladies, how many platonic male friends do you have?

Gentlemen, how many platonic female friends do you have?

In all likelihood, these numbers aren’t the same and the woman’s answer is probably higher.

A week before going to college my dad gave me one piece of advice “No man wants to be your friend”

I will always remember that and it has shaped how I answer the core question, ‘Can men and women be just friends?’

Most people would assume that I believe that yes men and women can be just friends, but I don’t. There are exceptions to that rule, but generally I find that it isn’t the ‘norm’.

About 5 years ago I began formulating this theory about men and women. Then about 5 months ago I stumbled across a website that gave my theory a name, The Ladder Theory. Basically the theory explains the difference between a man’s relationship with a woman and a woman’s relationship with a man. *** Note: This theory deals with heterosexual men and women only. ***

Ex. David sees Gabrielle at the bookstore. He thinks she’s relatively attractive and musters up the guts to approach her. Gabrielle being the pleasant person she is, is nice to David and they find they have similar interests in books. David asks Gabrielle for her phone number and she gives it to him. For the next few weeks they meet up a couple of times and after sharing a pizza while talking about the latest #1 best-seller they both read, David tries to kiss Gabrielle. Gabrielle backs away and sweetly explains to David that they are “just friends”. The following week when Gabrielle runs into David at the bookstore and tries to talk to him about another book, he retreats and stops all contact with her.

...stay tuned to find out what happens between David and Gabrielle.