It’s Not Like I Wanted to Taste All 31 Flavors

“Isn’t that right Lily?”

OMG…they’re NOT bringing me into this…

I sat at the kitchen table and looked at my siblings; they were waiting for me to answer my parents. I’m still not exactly sure why they asked me this particular question. Until that moment – it was ancient history.

What was supposed to be a simple trip home to help out a family member in need, turned into an Oprah/Jerry Springer/Montel Williams touching moment. Okay…it was trying to be. We were supposed to learn a great life lesson from my pending answer. The question: Was it better for me to not have dated in high school? My parents contend that I suffered no ill effects of this social choice. They wanted proof for my younger siblings.

And they wanted it now. “Well anak, wasn’t it better to not have a boyfriend until college?”

My parents were looking for a role model that would agree with them. I was asked to play along for the sake of the point.

Since when have you known me to play along?

“To be perfectly honest? I would have liked to have a little experience.”

Needless to say, that didn’t go over well with the lecture. I had a number of answers I could have said. I could have lied. I could have couched my answer into political correctness. But I just couldn’t follow. I thought back to those years in high school where boys and dating were not even options on the table. Add to that the angst of teenage self-esteem and body issues, and you had a teenage Lily who stayed home most of the time. The only dance I ever attended was my Prom. When I was at the mall, it was usually accompanying a parent. I had a few school trips, but the fear of screwing up kept me from causing any trouble.

Sure I had a few sleepovers with the girlfriends and there was Speech and Debate that sprung me out of the house on Saturdays, but other than that, I had no clue about dating and flirting. And then there was the whole virginity thing. Once the question left their lips and hung in the air, I found myself getting a little pissed off. How come I was the idiot who bought the whole “dating is for suckers” song and dance?

After a few days of thinking – I feel like I’ve been cheated!

After I answered my parent’s question, someone quickly said, “Well, you wouldn’t have found Lenny if you had dated around.” I contend that’s not necessarily true. I truly believe that Lenny and I were meant to be with each other. We would have found each other anyway. But I sit back and wonder how less awkward and painful the early part of my relationship with him would have been if I knew what the heck to do!

Let’s get one thing straight – I LOVE and ADORE my husband Lenny. I’m happy to grow old in love with him. And it’s not like I wanted to become a serial dater. But not having taken part of that experience, I feel like I missed something. It’s like what my friend Sunny said in the car today when we discussed the whole teenage social ball of wax, “It’s like knowing there are all sorts of flavors of ice cream out there. But you’re only allowed to have vanilla.”

It’s not like I wanted to taste all 31 Flavors at the Baskin Robbins. Maybe just one or two would have been nice. I’m human dammit! I have an ego!

I wanted someone to save me a seat at lunch. Carry my books between classes. Give me a single rose on Valentine’s Day to carry around. I wanted to wear his letterman jacket when I forgot mine. I wonder what it would have been like if I acted on my crush with the smart football player in my biology class that said he dug how fearless I was cutting into that frog. Could things have been different if I just allowed myself to flirt with the one guy in Spanish class who made me laugh? I wonder if someone out there desperately wanted to ask ME out. I wanted my own personal Brenda/Dylan experience!

I wonder what it would have been like to get shot down.

I know I can’t do anything about it now. I understand why my parents didn’t want me to date at that age. Parents get anxious. They had the best of intentions: My safety, my psyche, my honor, and they needed a babysitter after school and weekends.

Maybe I’m oversimplifying things. Maybe I didn’t miss much in the high school dating pool. It just feels like there will always be this “what if” in the back of my mind.

I’ll get over it – eventually.