Misconceptions of the Non-Breeder

MGF Buddy and frequent reader Sunny Treasures announced recently that she was expecting a bundle of joy (CONGRATULATIONS GIRL!). Being that it’s my best friend at work – I was thrilled for her! A baby is always good news…

…most of the time.

This brings the grand total of pregnancies in our workplace to three this year. Add to this four more from 2006. That’s right people, SEVEN pregnancies in less than two years in a department of thirty.

It’s uncanny: One of the girls in the office had her baby LAST MAY and then found out THIS APRIL she was pregnant again. One of 2006’s girls decided to be a stay at home mom shortly after the birth of her second child when she found out HER SISTER, who works in our department as well, was expecting. The Big Boss announced at one staff meeting in the first quarter this that no one else was allowed to get pregnant this year (EASE UP…he was joking. But we’re feeling the loss in our workforce!). The Head Man is a little stressed out. And I don’t blame him.

Someone has spiked the Kool-Aid AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

Pregnancy at my office is being treated like a cold you can catch! I chided Sunny when she announced her pregnancy: “Don’t touch anything on my desk.” I was joking at the time, but as the week has gone by, I find myself becoming more and more fearful of getting a bun in the oven.

The natural reaction of everyone else in the office when a pregnancy is announced is basically to gang up on all the childless/single women of age and ask, “Doesn’t it make you want one of your own?”

To be honest, not really.

And wouldn’t you know it? People just won’t take no for an answer! From my mother to well-meaning strangers who manage to squirrel this piece of information out of me, no one can really accept that at age 31, I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay whether I have a kid or not. I’ve come a long way from the time when I first wrote about my fears and aspirations for babyhood.

I am lucky in that Lenny and I share the same feelings about having a baby. We will never do anything to permanently prevent us from having children while we can. But in the meantime – we are not actively trying (insert jokes about wanting to “practice” a lot here). If we are blessed in the near or far future, so be it. We will accept that new phase of our life with open arms. If we don’t have kids, then so be it.

We feel that we have made a grounded decision as adults. Our reasoning is sound and we’re happy with it. I just wish everyone would believe me! At the very least, I’d LOVE for people to stop thinking I’m some baby hating, neo-feminist, scared-of-labor, anti-family jerk!

It’s not that I’m anti-baby. I’m anti-ME having a baby right now and the foreseeable future. But do most people ever listen? If only I were so lucky.

I get so aggravated with loved ones and friends who have these misconceptions about my own reasons for not starting a family. With few exceptions, there is always someone full of wonderful sage advice that they’re sure will change my mind. As if after a few clichés and a good night’s sleep will result in a dawn of a new day.

They talk to me like I’m broken or something! Or the best part is when they try to “convince” me that I’m just goofy in my thinking. And since these questions can only ever be brought up in polite conversation – there’s no way to really ever be anything but…polite.

Thinking about it the last few days, I realized that I really needed to get these things off my chest. I’m tired of being tagged as a Non-Breeder. So, in response to all the baby talk…I deliver this message from my heart:

I am not a freak of nature for not wanting to have children. There are so many reasons why this choice is the right one for me and my husband right now. But that’s just it: It’s OUR CHOICE and I’d appreciate it if you’d respect that.

It’s not that I’m afraid of childbirth; they have great drugs nowadays. It’s not that I don’t know how to take care of children – I am the oldest five and I know what it takes to take care of another living thing. It’s not that I don’t think we can afford it...kids cost but parents will pay whatever it takes to ensure the best life possible.

I do not hate children. I’m not godless. I believe in family and know it is where we draw our strength. I know I would be a good mother and I’m thoroughly convinced that the man I love would be a great father. I am confident that we can bring-up a child in this turbulent and uncertain world. And regardless of how our child turns out – we’d never cease to love them.

As sure as I am about those reasons – I know in my core that I’m following the course I’m meant to follow. Perhaps in the near or far future, these feelings might change. But I don’t know what’s going to happen and no one else knows what’s in store. So for now, I support, love, and cherish those in my life. I only ask that those around me respect that.

I’m not broken. It’s your way of thinking.