You Have the Next Food Network Star in Your Backyard!

I tried. Really I did.

As one of the mindless food idiots that Anthony Bourdain (a.k.a. “The Great Food Mind Known for Being an A**hole”) so gleefully says makes up the viewing audience of the Food Network, I really wanted to like the finalists on the third season of the network’s reality show. But I just can’t.

Most of the finalists just GET ON MY LAST NERVE! As with all reality programming, you just see the worst of people brought out in these stressful situations. And more often than not – you find your self saying, “Egads…these guys are ANNOYING!” Between the break neck speed of the challenges (You have 45-minutes to shop and that includes your travel time…GO!), the unrealistic expectations of the judging panel (Maybe they don’t look good on camera because THEY’VE NEVER BEEN ON CAMERA!), and the shear emotional wussiness of some of the contestants…why would I want to vote for them? As Lenny and I viewed tonight’s episode that decided the final three, we FINALLY chose someone we could just stand (GO AMY!)!

But I began to wonder as the season moved along: Why are they looking for another Food Network Star?

Food Network has dozens of shows that run through their programming on a yearly basis. Because they never really have determined when “new” seasons begin and “old” seasons end, you’re treated to a variety of good food programming. In between Food Network All-Stars like Paula Deen, Emeril Lagasse, Alton Brown, and crossover sensation, Rachel Ray, there are some gems in their line-up.

So rather than find an untested and raw talent (which seems to cause FN programming head Bob Tuschman fits) or give Bobby Flay yet ANOTHER show where he can get his ass kicked, how about looking at your farm system? You have tons of already home popular names that your audience is DYING to see more of! These chefs already have a fan base and more than a few hours of face time on your network.

Instead of rewarding those whiners from TNFNS, consider the following for your programming line-up:

She could cook in a burlap sack and the guys would STILL watch!

Cat Cora – Why, oh WHY does this woman not have her own show yet? My favorite Iron Chef has been holding her own against a male dominated industry for years before entering the venerated Kitchen Stadium. In my opinion, she’s the best thing on Iron Chef: America. I think Cat should have her own show because I dig her Hellasian (Greek/Asian) fusion food. She’s unpredictable and you just never know what’s she’s going to put out there at the end of 60-minutes! And being a looker doesn’t hurt, Food Network. Following in the footsteps of her Food Network colleague, Rachel Ray, Cora brought cooking to the attention of helpless men everywhere last year in a spread for the now defunct, Men’s rag, FHM. HELLLLOOOO FOOD NETWORK…is anyone home? Cat Cora is one fetching gal with a cooking mind sharper than a set of Wusthof knives. Please cut down on Bobby Flay’s screen time and give my favorite Iron Chef some T.V. love!

Keegan and Alton Brown...seperated at birth?

Keegan Gerhard – We all know how much I LOVE Food Network Challenge. GRRRR…there are only so many times I can watch the Cartoon Cake Challenge or the Teppanyaki Challenge! I’m just hoping that they run out of ideas soon. And when they do, I hope they’ll give commentator/Best-Thing-On-the-Damn-Show, Keegan Gerhard, a show of his own. Gerhard is considered by and large one of the top pastry chefs in the United States. A former cyclist, Gerhard is tasked on FNC with color commentary and explanations of cooking/baking nuances. What I like about Gerhard is he can break it down real easy like for us novices. Most newbies to gourmet cooking are intimidated by ingredients, terms, and perceived snootiness. But Gerhard channels an Alton “Food Encyclopedia” Brown vibe and mixes it with the efficiency of a Swiss watch. His humorous demeanor at these nerve racking events are a welcome breath of fresh air. So please…for all thing Food Network holy…get him out of that crap job on FNC!! Let Keegan teach us how to make great pastry in our very own kitchens. Let him roam France and tell us the difference between brioche and choux! You are wasting his talent with color commentary. I want to make a “FREE KEEGAN” bumper sticker…who’s with me?

Dave Lieberman is a GREAT DEAL...IMHO

Dave Lieberman – This is particular one makes me scratch my head and ask, “What were you thinking?” And I mean that on both the Food Network’s and Lieberman’s part. I first became enamored with the Yale alumni in 2005 when he kicked off Good Deal with Dave Lieberman. It was a great show for cooks of varying skill levels how to create great, sophisticated food on a budget. I found his relationship with the camera to be natural and his personality was very engaging. His food knowledge and easy-going demeanor was big with the burgeoning college/professional demographic. After the first season of Good Deal, I was looking forward to more! But 2006 went by without anything new. AWWWW GEEZE, Food Network! Why’d you let this sit on the back burner?! Dave was H-O-T! Unfortunately, there probably won’t be anymore of that, thanks to some odd and outlandish behavior at the Food Network South Beach Wine and Food Fest wherein he made remarks about Martha Stewart possibly having a lesbian encounter while in jail and repeatedly used the term “skanks” during his cooking demo. AWWWW GEEZE, Dave! Did you have to have that third Amstel? Here’s to hoping Lieberman and Food Network can kiss and make up. They’d be crazy not to. Lieberman is accessible, popular, hip, and just at the start of his talented career. You’d be stupid not to tap into that! If people can forgive celeb-trash like Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, surely they can forgive Dave!

Please Food Network! Why reinvent the wheel! You have some perfect good ones in your own backyard! I don’t think I can ever forgive you if Joshua A. Garcia wins! I refuse to JAG my food up!