The Power of One

Lenny is away for the week. While I do miss him and can’t wait until he gets back – the week provides me with time alone. It’s a time where I get to experience living like I’m single, except without the painfully weird dating experiences (THANK GOODNESS!). I can go where I want, do what I want, watch what I want. When Lenny gets back, I’m happy because we’ve had some time to decompress. What’s the saying? How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

And though I enjoy cooking up a steak dinner or whipping up a pot of spaghetti for the week – what I most enjoy about this time alone is going somewhere to eat and work on my writing. Usually, I go to a local café or Starbucks and spend brunch/lunch there tapping away at the computer. When one of my friends found out about this, she asked me, “Isn’t that awkward? I mean…a table for one? I wouldn’t want to eat alone.”

I’m just wondering what’s wrong with being alone?

I enjoy socializing and there was a time in my life where I just wanted to be around people. But as I got older, I started to treasure the quiet I do get. I realized, I’m around people all the time. And almost always, I feel like I need to be “on” or sociable because that’s what my job entails and people just naturally expect that from me. Knowing that, why wouldn’t I enjoy the peace and quiet of my home?

But my friend thinks that somehow being alone (whether it be to eat of go out to watch a movie) is a bad thing. When I inquired further, she said that it just looks sad. In her mind, she equates “Table for One” with “Table for the Lonely Person.” I’ll admit that I had to hold back my laughter a lot, because this friend had been through a series of relationships that didn’t work out. So of course she views one as being the loneliest number.

I refuse to see it that way. From the very beginning of my relationship with Lenny, we’ve loved each other very much. However, I was very insistent on being a person who could lead an independent life. I have my hobbies and likes. We’ve allowed ourselves to not insist on doing “couples things” all the time. If Lenny wants to hang out with some friends, I have the option to pass. In turn, Lenny has been the biggest supporter of my Girl’s Only Vegas Trips during the last couple of years. It’s my hope that one day, he and his buddies will finally get their act together and do a trip for themselves.

It all works because of the golden rule my Grandmother told me years ago. You cannot expect to stand strong together if you cannot stand alone. Think about it in terms of a table. You have four legs on that thing, what happens when one set of those legs aren’t built right? More than likely that thing is going to topple. How can I have a strong marriage partnership is one of us is clinging all the time?

This is why I can’t imagine being alone as being a bad thing! We should rely on the people around us for certain things, but we can’t depend on them for everything. And most certainly, we should NEVER be afraid of being alone. When you see someone sitting by themselves, engrossed in a book, writing away, or even smiling, don’t feel sorry for them. That is a person who is content with life. That is a person who’s living it!

When you are alone, you really do have a choice. Are you going to be strong and take this time to discover more about yourself? Or are you going to whine and bitch about it while you look for someone to attach yourself to? I choose the prior hands down as I think it will make me a better person in the end.

I figure that you can’t be surrounded by people all the time. There will come a point where you will find yourself as the party of one. What will you do then? We learn to cherish the people around us while we have them, but we also need to set ourselves apart and not be afraid to walk alone.

Remember: It only takes one to live a life…everything else is icing on the cake.