It’s Not the Size of the Boat but the Motion of the Ocean

YOU. Mind out of the gutter! Just read the darn post! – Lily

The bouncy, jazzy piano notes lead to the smooth strings. And then…there was Nat.

“Let there be you,
Let there be me.
Let there be oysters
Under the sea…”

Lenny grabbed my hand and took us to a place on the floor in the line of dance. We rolled our shoulders in our most perfect dance posture and I waited. Giving him equal resistance, he nudged me into the beginning of and elegant foxtrot.

I couldn’t help but smile. An entire year of dance classes and it all came together in one of my favorite songs. The rest of our dance classmates moved as well in our practiced patterns. I don’t know about them, but I felt like Lenny and I were gliding! A few fellow dancers nodded and whispered that we looked good while moving. And when we completed a twisting grapevine down the center of the floor without landing on our asses – I finally caught a glimpse of us in the dance studio’s mirror. One thought ran through my mind as my pink skirt swirled at my knees.

Hey, I dance pretty good for a fat girl.

Now before you close down the webpage, let me quote comedian Ron White and say, “I tell you that story so that I can tell you this one…”

Months and months ago, my picture at board at work had numerous pics of me and some of the fun experiences I’ve had. A shot of me, Lenny, and the siblings shooting a raging rapid. Spinning like a maniac in the teacups at Disneyland. Black and white aerial shots I took from the top of a huge Ferris wheel at the State Fair. Someone took a look at it one day and said, “Lily, you know what I like about you?”

I swung around in my chair and waited for the answer. She then said, “I like that you don’t let your size stop you from doing things.” Realizing how much of a back handed compliment that was – she quickly back tracked. But I brushed it aside; I knew exactly what she was getting at.

No secret – I’m a big girl for five feet tall. I wear between sizes 18-24. I sometimes get winded during warm-ups. I hate walking uphill. I struggle with the airline lap belt. And yes, even the always positive Lily, feels a little insecure about her waistline.

You hear it all the time about size and success. “They tell you it’s not the size of the dog, but the fight.” As cheesy as they may sound – I guess they can be true. I never really thought about my weight as impediment, so when I broke free of the self-esteem issues, my lust for life just took over! I figure if I can do it I SHOULD do it! I guess somewhere in my life I decided to strip down the excuses for certain things and just go for it! There’s a big world out there and I don’t want to miss any of it!

I wonder what it would be like if we just forgot the word “can’t” and just did things. Never mind questioning what could go wrong or what sacrifices need to me made. And for a moment, forget that I’m taking about physical size, ethnic background, or economic situations that might hold you back. What mental games to you play to convince yourself you shouldn’t do something?

I’m too heavy. Fat people look funny doing that.

Everyone will think I’m dumb.

I have “other responsibilities” that I must attend to.

It saddens me when people waste opportunities. As long as you have a working brain, you should go out there and do what you want to do. Physically – I should not be attracted to much movement. I’ve said it and sabotaged myself in my younger days. I’ve been told that I will fail if I try it to my face in the past. Conventional wisdom says round girls like me shouldn’t be having this much fun.

But there I am – hurtling head first down slides. Getting dressed up and partying harder than those skinny chicks. Insisting we go on the rollercoaster for the third time. Driving off to Vegas on a quick road trip. Planning all girl weekends and clubbing birthday parties. Wondering if I’m up to hiking in Sedona or the Grand Canyon. Dancing ballroom for hours on end. And so many other things!

I’m a big girl…I got a lot of living to do!