Skeletons in My Closet

I was flipping through the channels this weekend and came across one of the cheesy Made for TV movies that they put on constant loop on women oriented networks. I don’t know what the story was, nor did it have Valerie Bertinelli in it. The only reason why I stayed more the 30 seconds on the channel was because my finger slipped from the channel button, thus leaving me in TV wasteland purgatory.

Note to self: Never moisturize your hands directly before going on a channel flipping frenzy.

Before I could get away from the female melodrama – one of the characters sinisterly said to another, “Everyone has something to hide. I’ll find your skeleton in the closet.”

I managed to get off of the channel. But like that last song you hear getting out of your car to go into your workplace – the line freaking’ got stuck in my head! I think it ticked me off because the piece of schlock writer of that movie was right.

There are things in our lives that we are all afraid to admit to. Granted, their not the “Folsom Prison Blues” or “Desperate Housewives” kind of stuff (thankfully). They’re usually more like the “I Have a Secret Shrine to Leif Garrett” kind of things. However, there are these little quirks that we would simply be MORTIFIED if our closest friends were privy to them.

Truly – these little skeletons are small things. But the human ego is such that any exposure to weaknesses sends us back into the depths of our secret closet hideaway. We’re afraid of ridicule and the opinions of others. We’re afraid people would reject us. We’re afraid people will laugh and point.

With this in mind today, I started writing down all the things that would embarrass me. When I reached page two – I decided that this was something that I needed to blog about. So after some careful consideration, I’ve decided to do spring clean some skeletons out of the closet. Why? Perhaps I’m a masochist – or a glutton for punishment. Or maybe I just have this sick wish to entertain total strangers with bits of my life?

But truthfully, I think it’s time I come clean with this kind of stuff. I am who I am, I like what I like, and I do what I do. Shouldn’t we all embrace the things we’ve done or will do (I’m talking to YOU political candidates!)? If we come clean with these things now, I think they avoid those really humiliating moments when they come out as “surprises.”

Forgive MGF Faithful…for I have sinned…

I like to listen to Tom Jones – Thanks to my Dad, me and Mr. Jones have this thing going on. If I were born in a time before mine, I probably would have been one of those screaming women who threw their panties on stage in front of the Welsh Sex Bomb. Back in the day, Tom was definitely the man. He had the voice, the body, the moves, and the charisma to make the girls faint. Yes, I understand he’s a leathery mess now. However, if you can just listen to the exciting and heart throbbing 1971 Live at Caesars Palace recording and tell me you can resist.

I can and will cry to get my way (in the appropriate situation) – I know what you’re thinking men. It’s just not fair! A woman crying over ANYTHING just tugs at your heart strings. And it’s simply emotional blackmail for me to use it against anyone. But you know what? You fall for it every time! So I think it’s a two-way street.

I might be wearing head gear while writing this - When I was writing my novel, I was prone to writer’s block. Even after a year of writing on the blog, I still get stuck. The solution? A tiara. Yes, I sit in front of my computer in my sleepwear and a tiara. Happy now?

Sometimes, I flirt just to see if can – This one is a toughie, because I do feel guilt after this. I love my Lenny – I’d never leave him. He’s my first everything and it’s been wonderful. But there’s that little spot in my head that wonders if I have what it takes to catch someone’s attention. It’s a fleeting moment that comes maybe once or twice a year. My weapon of choice is usually clever banter and sports. And when I walk away…it’s over. I have no desire to buy a new vehicle, but sometimes it’s nice to check out the floor models.

So there. Dirty little secrets no more! Are you laughing? Are you disappointed? Are you judging me? If you are doing any one of these things, just remember one thing: I came clean…can you?