Fading Star (Jones-Reynolds)

Dear Mrs. Jones-Reynolds,

Congratulations on shocking your former co-workers, now ex-bosses, and the viewing nation this past week with that pre-emptive verbal strike on The View. I have to admit, there isn’t a lot out there that surprises the venerable Barbara Walters – but you managed to do it!

Due to my current work schedule, I have not been able to watch The View as actively as I used to. But I remember when you and your couch mates were a part of my daily routine. Ah…those were some mighty good times! I remember laughing my butt off at some of the zingers and observations you would make along with Meredith, Joy, Barbara, Debbie, and Lisa (Sadly, I’ve not been able to see you in action with Elisabeth, but I heard she fit rather well!). But as I reminisced about the fun past, mentally reviewed all that you had done in the last decade, and read up on your abrupt departure, one thought just kept rolling around in my mind.

WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED TO YOU?

What happened to Star Jones? Where’s the convivial, sassy, intelligent woman that dominated the couch when she arrived in our living rooms nine years ago? The Star Jones I see today is, literally and figuratively, a SHADOW of her former self.

There was a time when I thought you were the most awesome thing on morning TV. By being on The View, you were killing all sorts of birds with one stone! For the first time I had a cool role model. A successful, professional, charismatic, funny, minority female on television? And someone who was the same size and had the same tastes in clothing as I did? FREAKING. AWESOME.

I was in my early 20s, away from home, and trying to decide how to live my life. Like a lot of young women my age, we were searching for who we wanted to be. Your cheery and fearless approach showed us that we could do whatever the hell we want because we related to you! Every time I sat down to watch, I told myself, “There’s a woman in control and knows what’s up.”

Thanks in part to your positive role modeling – I became a woman in control who came to know what was up! I found something I was good at and started developing my new career. In the course of natural progression, it took me away from my mornings with you and the girls, but life was good.

Then, you started popping up in my media view again. You were getting married! I thought to myself “Good for you!” But then came all the publicity. I did think it was kind of odd, but I remember how I wanted my wedding to be JUST RIGHT. And you were a celebrity, and celebrities live their lives times ten. So, I overlooked to freebie-grubbing publicity snowball. The woman just wanted the wedding of her dreams!

However, the little demons started to appear. You short stint as a red carpet commentator didn’t last very long – even as an admitted smart ass – your remarks were a little to snarky for my tastes. Then the rumors of diva-like behavior started to spring up. I hadn’t watched in a long while. And I didn’t want to judge sight unseen. Being a fan, I let it go until I could see it for myself.

And then I saw a picture of your three months ago.

Okay, girl…I will be the LAST ONE to begrudge you wanting to lose the weight. Bottom line, you have to be happy with who you are. If you want to be that thin – more power to you! But, damn. Did you have to lose that loveable personality along with the pounds?!?! I watched the show and my charming, fiery friend was replaced by a tan and vacant shell!

It was like I lost a really good friend to time and distance.

Now you’re leaving the couch for good. As you exit the burning bridge away from your television past, you’re telling anyone who’ll listen how wronged you feel and how let down by the fact that Barbara Walters and those skinny biatches cheated you. You’re probably right. You could have at least gotten half of what Meredith got when she left to go to “Today.” Nine years of loyalty should warrant something in this world.

But on the other hand – you are also leaving behind a group of women who feel a little hurt by your actions. Instead of being the classy and bright representation of your astrological namesake, you’re going to fade into the media sky burning out before you could make your big mark.

Good luck to you on the press circuit. I’m sure that there will be more interviews and maybe a book or something like that. Before you move on to bigger and better things – this humble fan asks that you bring back the Star of old. Save her before she completely disappears! I miss her. I think a lot of us do.

Warmest regards,

Lily White

Super Humans

Superman has returned, ladies and gentlemen. The most awaited movie of the summer finally hit theatres this past Wednesday. Draped in his signature red and blue outfit – The Big S flew into the flight pattern laid out by his superhero-type friends early in the summer. The X-Men made their last stand, we got a comical peek into the mythical Luchadoras thanks to a friar named Nacho, and Ethan Hunt somewhat redeemed himself in the eyes of the world he secretly protects. And after the Man of Steel cleans up at the box office, he’ll be followed by more of the same.

Its definitely the summer of the Superhuman.

But amid the heat and excitement of this hero worship, I hesitantly raise my hand above the crowd and wonder why these fictional forms have found such a niche in our lives. I’ll grant that the idea of a superhero that can save us from anything – especially in the very hectic and vicious world we live in today – is very appealing. I’ll also grant that heroes provide us with a needed escape and belief in things that can be good in this world. However, what I can’t understand is why we turn to big screen heroes, when real ones pass us by everyday?

No, they’re not “Superhuman.” But thankfully, this wonderful breed of people is “Super Human.”

In Superman Returns, Lois Lane wins a Pulitzer Prize for an editorial piece entitled, “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman.” Now, I haven’t watched the movie, so I really don’t know what the article is about. But judging by the title, I think the answer is no. That’s because the Super Human live amongst us. Sadly though, because we are so ground into our fictional heroes, we don’t recognize the power of the everyday hero.

The everyday hero is a person who’s efforts make a difference in this world whether it be by charity, intelligence, or service. We should be learning from them, but most of the time we take them for granted or scoff at their attempts to make the world a better place. We’d rather hold up fictional characters who dress up in tights as inspiration (not that there is anything wrong with that on certain levels) rather than a person who works constantly on their own little patch of the planet. Who needs the Man of Steel in the real world, when there are people who do his job already?

The Super Human have special powers that aren’t derived by some cosmic, chemical, or atmospheric phenomenon. Most of the Super Human do what comes naturally to them. They move mountains by solving the problems that plague every man, woman, and child. They give from their hearts with a sincerity that stops the bullets of apathy. The Super Human may not be able to leap from a tall building in a single bound – but they definitely make huge leaps in the progress of society.

The Super Human are the volunteers at the nursery unit of your local hospital who give sick and suffering infants the gift of affection for a few hours a day. They’re the educator that works before, during, and after the school day to ensure their students are getting the best education they can offer. They reside in the bodies of the research doctors and scientists who labor tirelessly for cures that will give families a glimmer of hope. The Super Human are often called upon to defend their people and others halfway around the world in a place that can only be described as hell on earth. And often, it’s at the cost of their own lives.

And forget Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne as alter egos. So masterful are the Super Human at the art of disguise, you will often mistake them for people you meet everyday. They’re risk takers, innovators, peace makers, icons, parents, teachers, and defenders.

Heck – you could be one and not even know it.

Call me naïve or idealistic, but I truly believe in the concept of everyday heroes. They keep our world spinning. Real heroes often don’t get the recognition they deserve. But most of the time they don’t even seek the headlines except to further their cause.

So, while sitting in the air conditioned comfort of your local Cineplex, please do enjoy the movies about your favorite heroes, super or not. But keep in mind that for every piece of make believe there’s thousands, maybe even millions, in our population creating a better world. Stop and take the time to get to know them.

Instead of meeting someone who is merely Superhuman, you might appreciate someone who potentially can be far greater than that.

Chasing Orchid: Balance is Everything

It was absolutely gorgeous. The blue was all around me and here I was skimming the surface of it. I could totally see how some people can get into a meditative state in this situation. Everything was in balance. Balance…it’s so important I thought as I flipped headlong into the sea laughing my ass off.

Let me explain, I took some time out of my schedule of finding housewares and settling into a new place to go hang at the beach. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to the beach quite a few times since I arrived here but this time was different. On this day I was going to learn to windsurf. It was gloriously sunny with just a light breeze, not a good day for die hard windsurfers but for a beginner like me, it was perfect.

I was lucky enough to be next door to a windsurfer who happens to be at the top of his class in his hometown. He was more then happy to take me on my adventure. We rented a beginners board, a sail and all the accoutrements that go alongside. I’ve always had pretty good balance, and I knew that was important, but that didn’t stop me from realizing I was going down into the drink baby!

Let me tell you, balance is so damned different when one is on water. Not only was I standing on a board but the waves kept lapping in, around and under it. I would get my footing and then suddenly poof it was gone…the waves just threw me off. Stability is definitely much tougher in the ocean than on land.

As I was standing there, finally able to grasp the sail and take a short ride, I realized that balance really is everything. If you don’t have balance, one, you’re not going to be able to stay on the board and two, you’re going to get swallowed by the ocean for at least a few seconds. In reality, life is a lot like windsurfing (or even surfing for that matter).

The mantra “go with the flow” really does apply to it all. Life is the ocean. Sometimes it can be calm, beautiful and soothing. At others it can be tempestuous, stormy and stressful. However, if you can learn to “balance” your life you’re more likely to get out of tough situations as unscathed as possible.

Life should be a combination of work, play, happy and sad. For without these contrasts, life wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable. So just remember, when life threatens to overwhelm you, take a deep breath, remain calm, flow with it and eventually you’ll surface, hopefully no worse for the ride.

As for me *grabs a towel* I’m going to keep on trying, I’ll always end up back in the sea, but trust me I’ll enjoy it every single time.

Lily's Summer Reading List: Sinking Into a Good Mystery

Growing up, my summer vacation always meant stocking up on some books and reading for hours on end. Why not? My only job was to watch the sibs and take care of the house. TV was populated with daytime talk shows and soap operas, cartoons weren’t until the afternoon. And while I enjoyed playing the piano, practicing for hours on end was not an option. So, what better way to spend it than reading fiction? How big of book geek was I?

I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR READING TOO MUCH.

And I’m not making that up. But anyway, because I was such a voracious reader (I can still clear a standard fiction book in 1-day, 2-days if the book is a little thicker), the summer was the perfect time for me to discover a fiction series. A good series is like the proverbial Lay’s potato chip: You can’t have just one! I especially enjoyed a good mystery series. A twisty, muddy “whodunit” just seemed to fit the bill perfectly for my summer reading.

Even though it’s the beginning of July, there’s still a ton of summer left for a leisurely read…or two…or fifteen. If you’re looking to sink your teeth into a juicy mystery – here are few favorites:

Sue Grafton’s “Alphabet Series” – After divorcing her husband in the early 80’s, Sue Grafton had the thoughts that all women scorned have. How the heck do I do him in? "So, I used to lie in bed at night just thinking of ways to do him in. And I came up with some doozies….So I thought, why don't I put this plot between the covers of a book and get paid for it? And that launched this whole new career." Thus was born the savvy and persistent detective, Kinsey Millhone. Residing in fictional Santa Teresa, CA, Millhone takes a very dogged approach to solving mysteries working every lead and reviewing every angle. I would venture to say that Kinsey is a lot like her creator, a woman who is growing and learning about herself with each passing installment. Sometimes she’s in mortal danger, sometimes she’s wrong, and sometimes she thinks she falls in love. But whatever she’s doing – be assured that Kinsey will always figure it out in the end.

Interesting character tidbit: Despite the fact that the latest book S is for Silence came out in 2005, Millhone’s beloved Santa Teresa and plotlines still reside in the mid to late 80’s that the series started in.
Lily’s picks of the series: G is for Gumshoe and K is for Killer

Ed McBain’s “87th Precinct” – Before “Law and Order” and “CSI” spawned out a squillion different spin-offs, there was Ed McBain’s (a.k.a Evan Hunter) gritty police procedurals about the detectives that inhabited the 87th Precinct. This granddaddy of all mystery series spans a whopping 57 books starting in 1956 with Cop Hater. McBain was one of the last of the pulp fiction type writers. The books were very formulaic: A short title, a gruesome crime, and a lot of detective work in between. But what really made this series are the characters. When I started reading the 87th Precinct books, I was immediately hooked by “the guys.” Faithful readers kept coming back to find out what was going on the lives of these men and women. I probably developed a crush on each of the fictional detectives. No, seriously. When I realized that Steve Carella would never leave his wife, the deaf and beautiful Teddy Carella – I decided that I wanted to be Mrs. Detective Cotton Hawes. But I’m a book worm, so I’m allowed these delusions. ANYWAY…McBain’s sense of atmosphere and attention to his craft make this series an alternative to the kajillion hours of reruns during the summer.

Gone but not forgotten: McBain’s death in 2005 of larynx cancer brought the sad end to my favorite series of all time. But his fans were given one last hurrah later in the year with the release of the last 87th Precinct novel, Fiddlers.
Lily’s picks of the series: Oh man…I have to choose? I can’t…really. But I’ll go ahead and list He Who Hesitates, Vespers, and The Frumious Bandersnatch because the titles kick ass!

Lawrence Sander’s “Archibald McNally” – When I first met my friend and MGF contributor, Fudgesicle Junkie, I couldn’t help but think that he reminded me of someone I knew. It wasn’t until I was reading a blog piece on Lawrence Sanders did I realize that FJ was my Archy McNally! Well, kind of. Archie lives and plays amongst the well to do in Palm Beach. He works for his father’s law firm in his very own department called “Discreet Inquiries.” When the rich get in trouble and want to keep it quiet, they go to Archy McNally. So, why does FJ remind me of Archy? It isn’t because FJ still lives at home, carries a flask in his pocket, or likes to smoke English Ovals in a silk robe (though I could TOTALLY see him doing the last one). No, it’s the witty, intelligent, and flirty way Archy makes his way through the series of books. This bonvivant makes for an entertaining narrator! It is however important to note that I only recommend the books in this series that Sander’s wrote before his death in 1998. Vincent Lardo was chosen by the Sanders estate to keep the series going. And that’s where I stopped reading. Archy is such a classic character that I wanted to remember him the way Sander’s had originally written him.

Skeletons in the McNally Closet: Archibald McNally was expelled from Yale for streaking across the stage during a graduation ceremony (I can also see FJ doing this if given enough alcohol).
Lily’s picks of the series: McNally’s Risk and McNally’s Gamble

Alexander McCall Smith’s “No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency” – There are so many things that makes Smith’s series, which centers on the delightful Precious Ramotswe, different from the others listed here. Okay, we could go for the obvious in that the action in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books take place in the country of Botswana. But I’d rather go for the fact that Mma Ramotswe’s mysteries are all so…every day. And because of this – it makes her the most real detective in the whole bunch! Using her astute observation skills and acumen for how her society works, Precious Ramotswe charmingly goes through her stories solving mysteries for the regular person. Whether in search of a missing family member, figuring out who is out to rig a local beauty pageant, or get to the bottom of a local medical scam, Mma Ramotswe gets it done with a good heart and a kind temperament.

A little world culture for you: “Mma” is the Botswana term of endearment for women of certain age or wisdom. No – I haven’t figured out how to say it.
Lily’s picks of the series: Mortality for Beautiful Girls, The Kalahari Typing School for Men, and In the Company of Cheerful Ladies

BrownSuga's Sweet Spot: It's gonna be an interesting week...

Hey MGF readers! I hope your week is looking better than mine. And if not, go visit the church below, I'm sure they will be a BIG help. *smiles* Just kidding, I don't think they meant it the way it reads. Enjoy your week and remember whatever you're going through, it will get better.

~BrownSuga

Calling It the Way We See It

Humans are supposed to be the smartest animals in the world. We’ve gone through evolution quite well, thank you very much. From the caveman gatherer/hunter to the civilizations of Greece and Rome to modern day western society, we have come along way, baby! As a species we really should be proud of ourselves.

Do you see monkeys coming up with faster computers? When was the last time a dolphin could whip up iced, soy, caramel macchiato? They say octopi were missing a few evolutionary links in order for them to take over the world. Sucks to be them. As humans – WE RULE!

That being said – why do we have a hard time being upfront with each other? Why do we try to soften the blow by massaging negative news?

Was Jack Nicholson right in A Few Good Men: Can we not handle the truth?

I think about this topic a lot. And I try my hardest to make sure I don’t sound like a poser in life. But it was brought to the forefront last night as I was waiting for Lenny’s flight to land from Dallas. I got a frantic phone call from my friend. Now, I had just had lunch with this friend earlier in the day. The topic of conversation was her recent baby steps towards making her crush an actual reality. Things seemed to be going well – her recent trip to see the crush was nothing but positive and her impending move to the area (to be nearer to family) would be perfect timing.

However, when I got the “If I cry while explaining this, please don’t laugh at me” line shortly after picking up the phone, I knew something devastating happened in between our leisurely lunch and this call. Her words flooded out a tale of woe. Apparently the crush was mentally reviewing their little getaway together last week and decided that the relationship would be a very bad idea.

His approach was to list what they were incompatible about. This included her squeamishness about sushi (ignoring the fact that she was working up to trying it), his entrance into medical school would keep him busy (never mind that she was busy trying to establish residency so she could continue her education), and their current distance away from each other. So he killed the little sapling of relationship hope they had planted during vacation before it had a chance to see the sun because they “just wouldn’t work out.”

As I consoled her, my mind screamed, “What kind of bulls**t is that?” I’m sure his intentions were noble in his approach. Giving her a laundry list of things that were BOTH their fault was intended to pad her fall from the sky. But the fact was – he wasted his breath. She is still hurt and still confused. So, why not just tell her “I’m freaked out and I think we’re moving too fast?”

There are certain things in life that should be kept from us (Ladies, face it – you will be mad no matter what answer your guy gives to “Does this make my ass look big?” So, stop asking it.). But we hide the smallest truths from ourselves on a daily basis! I know parents who brush off a beloved pet’s untimely death to a child as “Sparky just ran away.” My husband now grades with a green pen rather than a red pen because the color red is perceived as harsh and unbending. My performance review at work doesn’t list bottom performers as “Poor.” If you’re not doing your job, you are marked “Does not consistently meet expectations.”

It is a dangerous world where we can’t honestly say “you suck” to someone who really needs to hear it.

I do not advocate the blunt force trauma of a Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsay (by the way…Hell’s Kitchen rocks!). It doesn’t work for everyone. But we really do have to step up as humans and be honest with ourselves. Animals don’t have the vocabulary we have, but they seem to have an easier time of expressing their feelings. If a ram doesn’t like the way another ram is eyeing his territory – they butt heads. Whoever butts the hardest wins. End of story.

So what’s the answer to our anti-honesty quandary? I really wish I could tell you that. To be "truthful" with you – I’m still a bit chicken myself to go headlong into being blunt. I guess while I wish I didn’t take people’s feeling into consideration, I still do. It’s times like these I really wish we weren’t as evolved. The higher we go – the harder it is to see the answers.

It’s complicated at the top, isn’t it?

A Random Photo from Lily

Happy Friday, MGF Fans! May your weekend be fun and safe. Here's a little something from my photo collection (Damn. Digital cameras are da bomb! I feel like a pro!)...we'll see you all again Sunday! - Lily

(Base of the Peter Pan Statue in Kensington Park, March 2006)

The MGF Mix Tape: Love is in the Air

More than a week, a few thinned-skinned contributors, and one haggled editor later…we finally have a play list! To catch up those who are behind: Last week, I threw myself at the mercy of the MGF Faithful and asked for your musical picks to create a playlist with songs that made you turn your thoughts towards love. We got a respectable response from the team!

Here are the songs that were sent to me. Some were just listed and some have a special meaning to the listener. Don’t like what we chose? Don’t see your song? TOO BAD…you should have e-mailed me! I for one will be putting this playlist together on for my iPod this weekend!

A thank you to those who sent in their selections and a VERY special thank you to those who shared their stories. Cuddle up romance freaks – here is your playlist:

THE MGF MIX TAPE: The “Say Anything” List

“Unemployed Boyfriend” by Everclear (Lily) – I’m not sure what exactly about this song really makes me go ga-ga! Overall, it’s just so easy-going…and the lyrics are a fun. Most women would probably be freaked out if a guy walked up and sung this to them, but I love the free-spirit attitude that it brings. I dig people who are willing to put themselves on the line like that!

“God Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts

“Fields of Gold” by Sting (Fudgesicle Junkie) - A terrific love song! Notwithstanding the fact that I lay awake nights worrying about the fact that I still think Sting can write a catchy tune. That Tantric bastard -- why won't he re-form The Police?

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us” by Starship (BrownSuga) - This is one of those cheesy film songs where the main couple ride off into the sunset and when I think of romantic I think of the happy endings from movies and this one is a classic.

“The More I See You” by Michael Buble

“Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer (Elusive Orchid) - One of my favorite songs. I would definitely swoon if someone serenaded me with this. Simply put, it’s someone who is in love. He notices all the little nuances and quirks only a lover would. Definitely a mix tape keeper.

“Invisible Man” by 98 Degrees

“If You're Not the One” by Daniel Beddingfield - This British sensation doesn't know what his life is supposed to mean if you're not the one. He can't fathom that you aren't the one he's meant for. Why would life be just perfect when ya'll are together if you aren't the one. That wouldn't make sense.

“All the Way” by Frank Sinatra (Cara Luna) – This is how I tell my dad I love him. It’s the duet we like to sing the best. Dad and I don't talk all mushy gushy…you know how we talk…but this song is very near and dear to my heart…I want him to sing it with me when me and my husband have our church wedding!

“Here, There, and Everywhere” by The Beatles

“Man's Job” by Bruce Springsteen (Fudgesicle Junkie) - I would have said Secret Garden, but Jerry Maguire got there first. Why this song? Because it essentially says, “Why are you with one of ‘those guys’ when you could be with me?”

“So High” by John Legend (BrownSuga) – This crooner tells it like it is. The woman of his dreams can take him above cloud 9. She can bring him as close to God as anyone on this earth. She taught him how to love and what can be more romantic than to know you taught someone to love with their whole heart. "Baby since the day you came into my life, you made me realize that we were born to fly..."

“Overjoyed” by Stevie Wonder (Lily) – I think it’s the first line. “Over time, I have been building my castle of love…just for two…though you never knew you were my reason…” It just says a lot about how intense that love is. Obviously it was a one-sided love for a while. But to love someone that much and protect them from this piece of knowledge their not ready for – wow! Stevie does a great job her in the original, but also check out the version by a little acapella band called Chapter Six.

“I'm Yours” by Jason Mraz

“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith (Sunny Treasures) - We picked this song for our because after dating for a little over a year we had decided to move in together soon after September 11th. Not even an hour after we signed our lease, he was activated to go with his National Guard unit 3-hours away. After his tour was done there, he was home for 6 months when he was activated again to work security at our local Air Force base. Sure it was closer to home, but now he would be working nights, while I worked days. We saw each other more often, but only a few hours at a time. Years later, this song still means something. Now that he’s is a police officer – his shift puts us away from each other again. We feel close to this song because we were missing a lot of together, even though it was the last thing we wanted.

“Truly Madly Deeply” by Savage Garden

“2 Become 1” by The Spice Girls (Lily) – I KNOW I’M GOING TO GET CRAP FOR THIS ONE! But it’s really a good song. Probably the best thing the Pop Princesses ever put out. The lyrics are pretty standard for a ballad, but what makes it romantic is the vocalization and that cool string part that acts as the bass line to the song. Thanks to my brother-in-law for reintroducing me to it on his “Slow Jams” mix this past winter.

“Cheek to Cheek” by Eva Cassidey (Fudgesicle Junkie) - Just a fantastic lyric by Cole Porter sung beautifully by Eva Cassidey.

“All We Ever Find” by Tim McGraw (Lily) – It’s no secret…I loooove Tim McGraw. He is a pretty pretty man! That aside, the first time I heard this song I thought I was going cry. The lyrics are simply touching and retro country-love ballad-with-soaring-guitar-feel makes me want to grab Lenny and slow dance.

“Sincerely” by The Moonglows

“Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison (Elusive Orchid) - This is my all time favorite song and has been since I was about 14 years old. The music is reminiscent of a slow dance, very romantic and soothing and the words especially “I want to rock your gypsy soul.” What girl wouldn’t love that line sung in their ear? Talk about free spirited, fun loving. Can’t beat that!

Chasing Orchid: And The Rooster Crows….

Happy Hump Day readers. Just a reminder, since the mix tape has been delayed, you still have a chance to send in your choice. Please email your picks by next Tuesday morning. *chuckles* And yes I finally sent mine in. *sticks out tongue at Lily* ~Orchid

I’m a big city girl who wanted a change of pace, something slower, calmer and friendlier. You know that saying “be careful what you wish for?” Damn did I get my wish. I’d been in Maui as a tourist and so I saw the paradise the island had to offer. I suppose in a way I expected that living here would be the same. But visiting and living in a place are vastly different from one another.

I landed at my new home at 5:30pm which is 10:30pm central standard time. Needless to say I was exhausted. I had been traveling since 10:30am that morning and had a three hour layover in Phoenix, AZ. The only good thing about that was I got to visit and have lunch with Lily. Luckily, the rest of my flight was smooth flying and I actually landed early.

The chaos of the airport reminded me of my hometown and I couldn’t wait to get to calmer waters. The rental car agency wasn’t it. It was a madhouse. The first car the agent tried to put me in wouldn’t even allow me to turn the key. Apparently there was some kind of recall…a fire hazard with the ignition switch, and he wanted me to drive that death trap! I don’t think so. I finally got a car that worked correctly and took off for a quieter place.

By the time I got to my temporary place of residence at about 8pm, I was ready to go to bed. However, with the five hour difference in time zones, I knew if I didn’t force myself to stay up, I’d be a wreck and a zombie for the next few days. On top of that, something had exploded in one of my bags so I had to clean that up too. I finally hit the hay at about 11:30pm, by this time I’d been awake for about 22 hours, I was ready to sleep.

I figured I was in the nice quiet countryside with a beautiful breeze wafting through my window, creating the perfect temperature for sleeping under just a cotton sheet. I assumed I’d sleep long, hard and peacefully, which I did until about 4:30 in the morning. That was when the roosters started crowing.

I sat bolt upright in my bed….roosters! What the hell? Okay seriously, Hawaii is not known for its roosters; sugarcane, Kona coffee, pineapples, macadamia nuts…sure, but roosters? I couldn’t believe it, I just had to laugh. I, like a naïve city girl, assumed they would quit their racket once the sun came up. Boy was I wrong. They just kept going. It shouldn’t be the energizer bunny, it should be the energizer rooster.

Now coming from a big city, I’m used to all the hustle and bustle that accompanies city life. I lived by a freight train whose engineers didn’t know how to read the “quiet zone” placards that were plastered all over my neighborhood. Noise is not usually an issue. I figured, if anything, I would have trouble sleeping because it was too quiet here.

While I definitely got the slower, calmer and friendlier lifestyle (which I adore by the way) paradise also came with roosters crowing all hours of the day. However, now into my fifth day here, they are just a normal part of everyday life in the quiet countryside.

It’s definitely a small price and one I’m willing to pay. Now if I could only catch that damned gecko that’s running loose in my cottage. *laughing*

Lillian T. White: Concerned Consumer

Hello, MGF Fans! For those of you expecting the installment of the "MGF Mix Tape," I apologize. After a week of hasseling and reminding...SOME people (*cough cough* Regular contributors *cough cough*) forgot to send in their picks. Also, I received a couple e-mails from some friends wanting me to extend the deadline. Okay, everyone...you get an extension. Need to catch up? Read the original here. Once your done that, send in your choices to moderngirlfriday@yahoo.com. And now...for something a little different. - Lily

Dear “Big Box” Retailer,

My name is Lily White and I have been a faithful customer of your stores for as long as I can remember loving shopping. Please allow me to say that I have nothing but good experiences with your company in the last decade or so that I have been frequenting your stores. Your clean and friendly environment is the reason why my husband and I often choose your establishment over other retailers, despite the difference in price. And I can never find reason to complain with the items your offer for sale. Every time I go in, I always find things I like and I need.

And by the way – red is definitely your color.

I supported your decision to go more upscale in terms of products being offered in the store. Business is business and I applauded your gusto in reaching out to the East Coast market like that. Even the consumer won in this decision as we gained easier access to more “upscale” products (i.e. my salon style shampoo) and better clothing design.

However, a recent personal incident has me concerned that you may be unconsciously alienating a section of your buyers.

I went to one of your locations this past weekend in search of a pair of Capri-length jeans. The much beloved pair of dark denim ones I had purchased at the very same store a year and a half ago had finally given in to the ravages of time and laundry. While I was sad to let the pair go, I was eager to get a new pair since you revamped your styles for us Rubenesque gals. Since price was not a concern for me, I grabbed the best looking pair in my size and headed for the dressing room.

In the little haven of your changing area, I pulled on the jeans, excited to see the outcome. As I got them up my thighs, I felt a little snugness, but figured that it wasn’t all that bad. But as I got them to my waist and proceeded to button and zipper up, I realized that I couldn’t. Frowning, I tugged again at the pants. But they just would not close! Quickly removing them, I reasoned that I probably picked up the wrong size. I’d been wearing this same size for years. Why wouldn’t it fit now?

Imagine the look on my face as I realized as IT WAS my size.

Upon further examination, I also noted that the pants were labeled as “low rise and snug through the thigh.” This explained my initial issues. A little distraught, but trying to keep it together, I hung up the jeans and brought it to the lady running the dressing rooms.

Unsuspecting Yet Helpful Employee: Not happy with those, hon?

Somewhat Despondent Lily: Well – I like them. They just don’t fit. But they’re the right size.

Unsuspecting Yet Helpful Employee: Oh, we get that a lot lately. It seems like they cut these a bit smaller this year.

YOU CUT THEM SMALLER?! What on earth would possess you to cut PLUS-SIZE clothes SMALLER?!?! It’s hard enough as it is to find clothes I LIKE (Why do people insist fat girls should dress like grandmothers?) – let alone clothes that FIT!

Furthermore – low rise pants? There’s no way anyone in that size range should be wearing low rise pants. Just because you make it in my size doesn’t mean it will be flattering. You can hire up and coming young designers to make fancy, stylish clothes for smaller women, but you assume all plus-sized girls will wear just anything modern looking! I THINK NOT.

I thought we had something here, Retailer! When you revamped your plus-sized line, I flocked every season to pick up pieces to augment my wardrobe. I still get compliments on the lovely sleeveless, multi-colored faux wrap blouse I bought two summers ago! You saved me last December when I forgot the top to my Christmas Eve outfit with a delicate baby blue (and subtly sequined) v-neck sweater. Why this sartorial betrayal? Especially since I’ve been working so hard at the gym!

Do you think it’s nice to know – after five months of diligent exercise – THAT MY ASS IS STILL TOO BIG?

I am a woman scorned, dear Retailer. Alas, I am not angry enough to trade you in for the other Big Box. You’d have to REALLY tick me off and they would have to up their game tremendously. But I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore. Are we adrift? Can we repair this Consumer-Store relationship? Is it me, not you?

Whatever it is…stop shrinking my clothes! I spend a lot of money every year to fill my wardrobe. And I’m probably not the only one. So I beg you, please…save this beautiful relationship we share.

I don’t want to shop anywhere else.

Suitably miffed,

Lily

BrownSuga’s Sweet Spot: A Year in Review

Hey MGF readers don't forget to e-mail Lily with your mix tape ideas we're close to filling the cd and trust me it will be an interesting amalgamation of songs. A melting pot of tastes, if you will. So put your two cents in. E-mail Lily!

Most people use the coming of the New Year to reevaluate their lives; figure out what went wrong, what they want to change things of that nature. I rarely, if ever, do that around January 1^st. I usually reevaluate important moments in my life on their “anniversary”.

Last week I celebrated a small anniversary of sorts. It’s been one year since I’ve opened my retail store. 1 year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 525,600 minutes of learning, growing, stressing, laughing, crying and numerous other things. I made PLENTY of mistakes, I met wonderful people, I made great contacts and hopefully I’ve taught a thing or two to the people of my town about my new passion. So below are a few things I’ve learned in the past year…BrownSuga’s Year in Review.

1. The School of Hard Knocks – Shawn ‘Jay-Z’ Carter said it best “It’s a hard knock life” Don’t believe him? Start a business. Although completely different from any college or university in the world, starting a business is one class after another. I took Business 101, Legal Aspects 302, and Customer Service 4000. Not as structured as Physics or Calculus 1-6 , I cried and laughed my way through each class…*whispers* I like to think I’d make the dean’s list.
2. The Customer is not always right – Sometimes the customer is an idiot. If you want your way right away, go to Burger King. I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time studying my product, its origin, its geographical location, and the best ways to get it to our town. I do not pretend to think I know everything about the product, but there are certain things I required myself to learn before I opened my doors a year ago. And when I don’t know something, I admit my ignorance and will be more than happy to find the answer for you.
3. Word of mouth is GOLDEN – I did a small experiment with my business, this could have ruined me before I even began but thank goodness it did not. I did no real advertising. But through great customer service and quality products word of mouth was my saving grace. Do not underestimate the power of a pleased customer.
4. Mistakes are necessary – Ok so it would be great if everything worked out the way you wanted it to and you became a millionaire within the first year. How likely is that? Slim to nil would be my guess however, the mistakes I made although heartbreaking sometimes were all learning opportunities and any real entrepreneur will tell you that mistakes are necessary. They help you to grow. Embrace them, expect them, and learn from them, they are NOT the enemy. (Now Uncle Sam…he looks kind of fishy).
5. Go with the flow – My business plan was a beautifully written piece of FICTION. Not really, but you have to be flexible. Things will not go exactly as you plan. As stated in number 4 mistakes will happen but be able to think on your feet and switch it up. Trust your instincts. What you thought would be your number 1 seller may be the worse seller. No sweat, buy less the next time, donate your inventory (makes a great tax write off).

My year was interesting to say the least. And now as I reevaluate what I’ve done, what I still want to accomplish and what I’m willing to do to get there, I get reenergized. New ideas mesh with old ideas. I’m taking what I learned tweaking it a bit and creating something new. The bottom line is I love owning my own business and I will be successful.

You Have to FIND Your Bliss Before You Can FOLLOW It!

Modern day mythologist, Joseph Campbell said that, “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”

I remember hearing the term “follow your bliss” from a friend last year. He explained a little about Joseph Campbell and his philosophy. I remember at the time mulling over it in my head for a few days. It was a crossroad at my life. While I was generally happy with what I had (a loving husband, a challenging job, and general contentment), I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t living for me. Here I was wanting to find my road to bliss, but I was stuck in the garage with the motor running. So, I took a long hard look at my life and past experiences and took inventory.

It wasn’t that I didn’t find happiness in my life. But I came to the realization that since about the age of 12, my life was about taking care of people. While most teenagers were hanging out in the mall, dating, and worrying about their clothes – I stayed home after school and on weekends to take care of my family. That involved cooking, laundry, and taking care of my two youngest siblings. There were little shards of regular teenage life (probably why I stuck with Speech and Debate so long, as it got me out of the house) which I milked for all the experience I could get. When I moved out of the house at 19, I figured that it was going to be my time to live it up!

Right.

When I moved to a new state, I went to work full time. And then my concerns became about making sure Lenny and I could live together and achieve our immediate goals. For me, that was promotions at work. For Lenny, it was keeping him on track to get through college and into the teaching door. At work, my caretaking side was also coming through – sacrificing time and giving my loyalty in the idea that it would cement me a place in a job I enjoyed and thrived in.

And then came the layoff.

I found another fabulous job right away, my family was still a big part of my life, and Lenny and I were stronger than ever. But as a new year turned into three more, I started to feel a little restless. Was this all life had to offer me? As was my M.O., I started to question my personal conventions. Even Lenny began to ask me, “What do you want for YOU?”

Thus started the re-evaluation last year. Intrinsically, I would never turn away the opportunity to help my family, friends, or anyone who needs it. But, I had to start thinking about me. What did I want to do? Where did I want to be? Where was my bliss? More importantly – WHAT was my bliss?

And I think that has to be the most frustrating part for a lot of people. We know what the end result should be, but we don’t know exactly what it is. But I do know this: If I don’t start looking for it on my own, I’ll never find my way to the road. Personal happiness doesn’t fall in your lap conveniently. You have to work for it just like anything else you want in this world.

I started digging through my life and figured out what would make me happy. First off, I went back to writing. My sister (Shout out to Cara Luna!) has said that, “The only time you can ever really express yourself was by putting it on paper.” After nailing down a short story, I wrote a novel, and then birthed this little piece of the internet vapor. Once I did that, I moved on. Would you believe that writing a novel and keeping MGF running is the easy part?

The next part was to do something I never thought I could do. I had to learn to be selfish without sacrificing the needs of my family and friends. That meant learning how to say “no.” It means telling people how I really felt and sticking by it. It means not getting in the middle of futile arguments. It means letting people be angry at me for not compromising my happiness.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, following my bliss has changed some relationships in my life. Not everyone is happy with the change (or in some cases the accusation of “enhancing my difficult nature”), but I feel better about myself. I feel like I can do anything and my options are endless.

Who would have thought that almost a year later, I would finally understand what Joseph Campbell meant by his three little words? I still want to follow my personal edict of bending without breaking. Up until I decided to try Campbell’s credo, I thought I was doing a good job of it. The thing about hindsight though, is that you can only see it in the rearview mirror when you pass by. But I’m glad I had the chance to reflect.

I got my map, I figured out my bliss, and I’m hitting the road. Which way are you going? Can I give you a lift?

Living With the Rock and the Hard Place

We all love our families or those we consider like family. Regardless of who they are, how perfect or flawed, most of us realize that they are ours and only ours to have. They could do a lot of screwed up things before you decide to shut them out of your lives on a permanent basis. Because of this innate love, that reality hardly every happens.

But have you ever had family who just drives you (and everyone else) to the point where you stop ask and wonder “Why?

You know this person. I bet their face just popped in your mind! And if you’re starting to feel your blood pressure rise, you’ve probably had a run in with this person recently. Don’t worry about the anger you might be feeling, this doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

The point still remains: Those you love drive you nuts sometimes.

Thus is the case with me. Two people I love very much are embroiled in constant conflict and it just seems to get worse with each passing incident. Both of them have their grievances. Most of the time, it’s legitimate. But because they are such strong personalities with similar dispositions, everyone involved is at a stalemate. For those on the sidelines, it’s become a living and breathing example of being between a rock and a hard place.

So, tonight – if you will indulge me, MGF Fans – my post is about “The Rock” and “The Hard Place” in my life. You probably will know who you are by the end of this. And you’ll probably be pissed off at me for writing it. But, I am not too fearful…you may still be too angry at the world to even care that the rest of us are suffering due to your spat. In some twisted way, I hope you both read it (NOT likely) and it unites you. It’d be the first thing you could agree on in some time. Yeah, I know what the consequences are – but it’s gotten to that point.

First, I will address “The Rock.” I don’t know why you believe that I don’t love and respect you. Nor do I pretend to understand why you don’t like the choices I’ve made in my life. That is your prerogative and I grant that to you. You have made many sacrifices for me and taught me many lessons. But you don’t want to hear that I’m happy with my life. Every time I think we’ve made progress in our own relationship, you refer back to irretrievable past mistakes and incidences. At 30, I’ve learned to take those lessons and store them away as experience. Why can’t you?

Like I’ve said – maybe how you’re approaching the problem isn’t the answer. It’s not a one size fits all kind of deal. But neither is the solution you presented me. You always said pride is a bad thing. And you were right. Because right now, it’s pride that’s blocking clearer heads. Please put down your guard for a second and let us help. We know the message you’re trying to convey. And we agree with your opinion, just not the method of delivery. Stop making us choose sides…it’s frustrating.

And you…”The Hard Place.” You are a wonderful person with lots of potential. But you need to really get over yourself. There is nothing given to you in life that you cannot handle. As the philosopher Nietzsche says, “That which does not kill me, will make me stronger!” It worries and angers me that at such a young age you’re declaring that it’s “too late for me to change.” You have yet to experience one tenth of your life!

You’ve never been without a roof over your head. You are never without food. You are not experiencing anything different than the rest of us. But you don’t even want to play ball. I agree it’s not fair sometimes, but life isn’t always fair. Wallowing in your own self-pity doesn’t get you out of the hole faster. Nobody likes a whiner. You’ve been given everything and more materially, emotionally, and spiritually in this life – yet you continually complain that life is so hard. What real hardship have you had?

Hardship is moving away without a job or any idea of how or where you’re going to live. Hardship is going to school for your degree and work fulltime while you’re in school. Hardship is raising two kids when no one thinks you can on a budget that barely makes it each month.

How can someone with so much talent and so much to give to this world be so bitter? All anyone is asking you to do is respect the time and effort being put towards your life. All they ask is that you be honest, respect them, and work hard. You once boldly stated, “You have to give respect to get it.” That is great advice. However, that quotation goes two ways if you think about it. YOU have to give that respect as well.

But, like The Rock, you insist that it has to be YOUR WAY or NO WAY. Learn to bend and go with the flow in this world. Humans are meant to evolve, not remain the same. The day we stop learning is the day we die. Society WILL NOT adapt to you…you must learn to adapt with society or this world will be a cruel and tough place to live. You think its hard now? Just wait until you make it into the real world.

I love you both dearly. But please…can we stop this insanity? I woke up the last two days wishing last Wednesday never happened. It just seems all stupid in hindsight. Being caught in the middle is hard…and that’s where you both put me. I’m tired of the arguments. Can’t you both just get along?

Land of the Rising Cool

I sat back mesmerized at the screen of the movie theatre. The quick clips and squeal of noise made me sit up straight in my seat and pay more attention. The trailer was an explosion of color, flash, and clipped dialogue. I was actually getting excited and bobbed my head along to the music playing in the background. The title screen flashed before our eyes and I said to myself: Damn. I HAVE to watch that movie! It was then that the euphoria of the moment faded away and was replaced with a small guilty feeling gnawing at my stomach. Oh my gawd! Did I just say I HAVE to watch “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift?” Shoot me.

Lily Fact #1: I DID NOT see the first two “The Fast and the Furious” movies.

Lily Fact #2: I thought the concept of the first two movies was dumb.

Lily Fact #3: Despite being Asian, I don’t dig the import car scene AND I believe that any guy that drives a car that makes that much noise and has that big of an exhaust is compensating for something Freudian.

So what made me want to watch it? Well, apparently I was sucked into the world of nouveau Japanese culture. Meaning, because it’s Japanese – it’s exciting. We’re not just talking about Pokemon or Hello Kitty (However, I do admit to a bit of a Chococat addiction). According to a 2003 Washington Post article, culture is quickly becoming Japan’s largest export.

Anime has had fans since I was in high school. Manga comic books are sold regularly in bookstores. Nintendo started the multi-billion dollar gaming boom. Downtown Sao Paolo, Brazil now has more sushi restaurants than Brazilian Barbecues. And personally, who wouldn’t want a Godzilla t-shirt?

No doubt about it, we have a very healthy obsession with all things Japanese. But is it a bad thing? Comedian Margaret Cho is ambivalent about the recent popularity of the Harajuku Girls (named after the teenage fashion epicenter and shopping district in Tokyo) and their connection to uber-Rocker Girl, Gwen Stefani. “I want to like them, and I want to think they are great, but I am not sure if I can… a Japanese schoolgirl uniform is kind of like blackface, I am just in acceptance over it, because something is better than nothing.”

While I share Cho’s trepidation, the “something” she refers to is actually a HUGE thing in Western Culture. I for one believe that the embracing of Japanese pop culture is a good thing. Here’s a country that for almost 20-years has been suffering with a devastating economic slump redefining their image and earning an honest decent Yen at it. No one bats an eyelash at the fact that our All-American creation, the blue jean, is now daily apparel even amongst the Princes of Saudi Arabia. So, why should we get our panties in a knot about doe-eyed cartoon characters that speak gibberish and cry offense?

We take ourselves way too seriously as a country if that’s the case.

While it may not be the great and deep cultural exchange that we seek for our younger generation, the fact that they’re interested in anything OUTSIDE of western culture is a good sign. The high school that Lenny teaches at has a sister school in Himeji, Japan. They come to visit every year for a week and the American kids swarm over the technology that seems unreachable to them, but commonplace to a Japanese teenager. On a visit a couple years ago, the buzz was about the tiny cell phones that their visitors were carrying. Many kids involved in the sister school program try things they’ve never tried before because of this wonderful exchange of culture.

And thankfully, it is a mutual admiration shared by their Asian counterparts. In a day and age where it seems every country in the world (and a section of people in our own country) hate anything remotely American, the Japanese can’t see to get enough of us. According to Paige Ferrari at MSN.com, “…isn’t it nice to know that there’s…A place where no one else is watching World Cup and there’s a McDonald’s on every corner? The Japanese can’t seem to get enough of us, so it seems downright natural to return the favor.” We shouldn’t feel guilty about embracing J-Pop…we should be thanking them for vacationing in Vegas, spending thousands of dollars shopping in New York, and riding Harley Davidsons. When was the last time France contributed to our economy like that?

As annoying as Pokemon and Power Ranger shows are, Japanese culture is running strong across the globe. Can they take over the world? That remains to be seen. They are at foreground of burgeoning trends and technological advances. We should congratulate them for their creativity and fearless venture into marketing. Any country that can globalize their culture like that deserves that much respect.

Chasing Orchid: Farewell But Not Forgotten...

Happy Hump Day MGF's! The weekend is on the horizon. Just a reminder to our readers, please post your favorite songs for mix tapes and romance. Thanks ~Orchid

I’ve managed to get my life into about 20 boxes, I think that’s pretty damned good for being 32 years old and living in my hometown for as long as I have. It may sound like a lot of crap, but really, I think I did well, all things considered. Seriously…20 boxes isn’t much if you think about it. I’m not taking a whole lot, mainly clothes and shreds of memories…pictures and such.

Funny, when I think about people moving I think about big trucks and furniture, the huge stuff. I’m not doing that. Those who know me realize that the simple things are the most important. Sure I’ll always have my memories but there is just something about having that tangible memento.

I could have all the “stuff” in the world and it would still be my photos and little bits and pieces of things that I hold the most dear. That picture my daughter drew that doesn’t look like much of anything, or my surrogate “niece” smiling that beaming smile she has when she sees me.

When I first started packing, I listed all the things I wanted to take with me. Surprisingly the list was quite short. I realized then that my house didn’t hold much of anything of importance for me. All of my keepsakes were in boxes, tucked away in the corners of my bedroom. As my best friend said to me one time, “Orchid, your house doesn’t really reflect your personality, I see nothing of you in it.”

As I glanced around with my list, I realized just how right she was. This house has never felt like home. It’s missing those personal touches, like photos on the wall. Considering what an avid photographer I am, it’s really quite surprising. That’s when it hit me, I think somehow in the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t stay here for all time.

It’s interesting how the subconscious works sometimes. Somewhere inside me, a part of me knew it was going to be time to move on soon. It just took me a while to realize it, in both my heart and my soul. I’m not the kind of woman who likes to give up. It’s a foreign concept to me. Because of this, it takes a while for me to realize futility, even when it’s staring me in the face. Hey even MGF’s aren’t perfect!

However, once I realized the end of this chapter was near, I worked my ass off to make the next stage of my life happen. But, I don’t want to forget the previous stages of my life. They’ve made me who I am today. I don’t want to lose the memories of the loves I’ve had, the things I’ve accomplished or even the mistakes I’ve made…and I’ve made lots of them. All of these things are the amalgamation of everything I am at this moment in time.

As I pack the last papers and scraps of memories and tape the box shut, I know I’ll carry these remembrances throughout my lifetime, no matter where I end up. Most importantly, even if I lose these physical mementos, I’ll always have those images in my head to remind me…to smile and laugh at and yes…even to cry at in those odd little moments.

“Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it”

~Nickelback

So while I say farewell to my life here, though it may fade with time, it will not be forgotten…never that.

The Modern Girl Friday Mix Tape

A few days ago, fellow blogger and Friend of MGF, Sunny Treasures, wrote a piece entitled, ”Speak to me!! Give me that line!!”. Sunny takes a few moments to explain her obsession with movies and great romantic lines. As cheesy as it may be, nothing beats a really good line delivered with sincerity and heartfelt emotion.

After reading and talking about the subject with Sunny, it got me thinking. She (rightfully) swoons at a well played verbal delivery. Even as liberated and independent as today’s MGF and their men can be, there’s still very much a soft spot for all things romantic. In my own circle of friends, I’ve heard the stories of flowers, cards, candy, and such. All of which are really great and sweet. I can’t tell you how many times I was surprised by a cute card from Lenny in my suitcase during long business trips. But you know, he could really get his MGF’s engine running with the right song.

Remember the movie, "Say Anything?" Of course you do! What girl didn’t want to trade places with Diane Court (a very cute Ione Skye) when Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack -- who’s STILL HOT!) shows up outside her home, boom box overhead blasting out Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes?” No one who’s ever watched the movie and listened to that song can sit there without staring into space smiling like a terminal goofball. It was a moment in movie history that many of us would all love to have happen to us.

Being a lover of music, I can say with certainty that there are many songs out there that make me go, “Damn. That would be smooth if a guy played that for me.” (*cough cough* Lenny *cough*) There’s just something about the right tone, mood, and lyric to a song that makes it perfect fodder for romance. And I do mean ROMANCE, not hormonal overdrive.

It’s the song where a guy lays down his case for eternal happiness (“I’ll Do Anything” by Jason Mraz). It’s a song that makes a sweet statement of fact (“Something to Sleep To” by Michelle Branch). It’s the song that states plainly what it wants (“I Feel Like Making Love” by Kid Rock). It’s the song where an apology is made, even though you’re not sure for what (“Come Back to Bed” by John Mayer).

It’s classic (“All I Do is Dream of You” by Dean Martin). It’s thankful (“Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette). It’s straightforward (“Love Me Like a Man” by Diana Krall). It’s intense (“Addicted” by Kelly Clarkson). It’s hopeful (“Here’s to the Losers” by Frank Sinatra). It makes you cry for the end (“One of Us” by ABBA). It’s just plain sweet (“When You Say Nothing at All” by Alison Krauss & Union Station).

A good song will conjure up a mini-movie trailer in your head starring you and your object of desire. It makes you feel good and, most importantly, it makes you feel special.

So – here’s my plea for audience participation. GET OUT YOUR THINKING CAPS AND YOUR CDs, MGF FANS! What song would your Lloyd (or Lloydette) Dobler be playing over their head in the ultimate pitch for romance? I don’t care what the song is, or how stupid it might sound…let’s compile the ultimate romantic mix tape!

Send your suggestions, stories, and titles to moderngirlfriday@yahoo.com. If we get enough suggestions and entries, I’ll make a special post with the best entries sometime next week. Don’t be shy out there! Bring on your romantic best!

BrownSuga's Sweet Spot: The more you know the further you’ll go…..NOT!

Nepotism -

Function: noun
Etymology: French népotisme, from Italian nepotismo, from nepote nephew, from Latin nepot-, nepos grandson, nephew -- more at NEPHEW
: favoritism (as in appointment to a job) based on kinship

A few weeks ago, my brother and husband were having a conversation about job applications. My husband works in upper management for a well-known corporation. A corporation that employs a large number of people in every city and town it’s located in. My brother decided that since his brother-in-law hires people for the company, he would apply for a job there. I thought that was an excellent idea. Because of some physical health problems, my brother has had a hard time getting employment. Even if he can’t directly hire my brother, I thought that he could help him to apply for a job that needed to be filled immediately. While my brother sat at my computer filling out the application, asking both myself and hubby advice on how to best answer questions, I began to see how nepotism can affect all relationships in a family.

Question - How did you hear about this job?

“Don’t put my name.” hubby said “And don’t use the real name of BrownSuga’s company as your current job.”

“Why can’t he use your name and why on earth can’t he use the company I started as a reference?” I asked

“They won’t hire him if they find out we’re related. And they know all about the business because of me, so that too will look suspicious.” Hubby replied.

Well that sent my brain into a frenzy. I asked him why he thought they would refuse my brother a job just because he worked for the company. First off they do not have the same last name, nor do they have the same address, and my hubby never worked for me so in actuality they shouldn’t have any official information on my business. He did agree with all my valid points but still held on to the fact that because of me they were related and nepotism was a “no-no”.

Now many of you may laugh at this but my mom has always taught me to choose my battles wisely when dealing with my spouse. This is a battle I chose. I took a deep breath and thought about the last decade in which I became a contributing member of society a.k.a. I started working at the age of 14.

My very first job was as a lifeguard at the local water park. During the south’s 100+ degree weather, working in and around water is an ideal job. My first year there I made friends and proved myself as a responsible and hardworking person. The following 3 years the office manager and owner were very happy to have me return. Every year after the first a friend or friends would ask if I could get them a job. Now although none were related to me, it still follows the idea of nepotism. I would use my meager influence and my reputation of being responsible to help friends get jobs. In the 4 years I worked for the water park I got 6 people jobs, 2 of those people being siblings.

Once I started college, out of the 15 jobs (I love working) I’ve had and took approximately 14 were obtained through some form of nepotism; ten of them I never even interviewed for. Since finishing college every uncle and quite a few cousins asked if I wanted them to get me a job, most worked in the engineering field, one in the banking industry but he swore to me that their IT department was good. Because by that point I realized that I didn’t want to work in the field in which my background was in, I turned them all down (Yes some days I kick myself because the security of a paycheck sounds like heaven when working the first few years of a small start-up). Companies such as HP, Microsoft, SunTrust, Rocawear etc. probably all have the same nepotism rule, but every single company happened to have an opening for little ole’ me if I wanted it ONLY because someone I share a blood relation to works there.

My third point I planned to use in this battle is every major and minor company in the world. Johnson & Johnson has been in existence for over a hundred years, the Campbell Soup Company is also a well-known established company in the world, and the Hilton Corporation is one of the most recognized hotel chains. We’ve all heard stories about the heirs and heiresses of these companies (some more than others *cough* Paris *cough* sex tape *cough*) but what isn’t always front page news is how one or more of these heirs are groomed from childhood to be the next leader in the family business. It’s only natural that when you build something from the ground up you want to pass it on to your children, if you have children. Keep it in the family (all incest references were not intended). These are family businesses, built by family men and women to provide a certain lifestyle for future generations.

Now I’m not claiming that every company created is family owned, run and is built on nepotism. But I am saying that it’s not always what you know, but rather who you know. Networking skills are just as important as book smarts. Knowing the right people can move you quicker to your goal than anything else.

Is nepotism fair? Well that’s a personal opinion. But you can’t deny that it’s here. You can choose not to support it as hubby has obviously decided or you can gain from it as I have.

Who won the battle? Neither. This became another lesson learned of the bonds of marriage. We agree to disagree. And when the time comes for me to hire employees I will always give consideration to family. I won’t hire just because they are family but I will be sympathetic to the idea. Of course in all things, working with family can and probably will cause MAJOR issues, but that is something you have to deal with if you allow nepotism to enter your place of business.

Everything is a choice. My husband chose not to use his influence to get my brother a job. And I chose to have him sleep on the couch that night *wicked evil grin* just kidding…

It Takes a Few Siblings

I’m not going to set this up with a fancy story or grandiose language. Today, I’m just going to come out and say what I want to say:

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY KID BROTHER!

The “Boy Genius” graduated this past Friday from our high school in San Diego. Now, he being #4 of 5 kids, you’d think this would be just another graduation. However, this was a special case. BG was his class Salutatorian and was speaking at his graduation ceremony. This kind of event called for the family to meet up. Lenny and I flew into San Diego as did my other brother (#2 of 5) and his wife. It was the first time all the kids had been together in at least a year and a half.

As a unit, the 5 of us in our family are pretty close. We may not talk to each other all time, or share a lot of the same views, but when it counts we’re there for each other. In the case of my youngest two siblings, we try very hard to make sure they’re on the right path.

Don’t get me wrong. Each of us has our strengths and we highlight them as much as possible to each other. But when my little brother was just a toddler, we realized that his memory and intelligence was amazing. He was known by everyone as the “smart one.” We taught the kid the different poker hands at age six! As he grew, I couldn’t believe the little rug rat that used to puke on me and cry for hours was surpassing our high standards in school. It shouldn’t have surprised me though.

The summer after first grade, I made a reading challenge for him. He seemed to enjoy reading books as much as I did, so I wanted to encourage that. Being his primary babysitter, I made sure he read what he could. He blew through all the books that we had at the house at his reading level. I started taking him to the library. We’d get three books a piece and I figured that would last him the week. I averaged about a book a day, but I could find other stuff to read while I was waiting. Three days later, he asked when we were going again. The little booger finished reading all his books!

And so the “Reading Contest” began. I asked him to pick a number between one and thirty. He chose twenty. I struck a deal with him: If he read twenty books by a date in July, I’d take him out for a Happy Meal at McDonald’s. If he read twenty-five books, we went out for ice cream. Thirty books, a trip to the toy store. I capped out at thirty-five (a trip to the zoo or something) because there was NO WAY he was going to get there. Or so I thought.

That kid nearly bankrupted me. Thank goodness September rolled around, because he actually finished with about thirty-seven books! It was then I knew that he was going places! And so did the rest of the siblings. As he grew through high school, the oldest three siblings threw whatever knowledge and experience we had of the education system to make sure he had the opportunity to succeed.

As you know, my parents and grandparents immigrated to this country. Because of that, their grasp of our society only comes from their own experiences and their circle of friends. And sometimes…it’s not exactly accurate information. My mom’s answer to paying for college was that we should all go in the military. Okay – you all can stop laughing and picturing me in the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines. We know it would have never worked out (Mouthy little biotch that I am!).

That being said, I knew that college was something that I had to deal with on my own. Unfortunately, being the oldest, I didn’t have a lot of source material. You know the old adage – If I knew then, what I know now…you get the picture. While all of us are bright, kid #2 is the only one actively pursuing his college education (GO G.I. BILL!). I’ve been working full time since I moved to AZ. Kid #3 started college, but is now currently raising two adorable kids. Kid #5 is still in high school (And we’re pushing her just the same!). With our kid brother – we couldn’t just let him pass this chance up. Collectively, we all said COLLEGE HAS TO HAPPEN for this one.

So, siblings 1-3 pitched in where we could. We knew he could deal with the schoolwork (that’s never been a hard thing to do in our family), but it was the process of college education we had to work on. We pretty much worked just as hard as he did this senior year.

Kid #3 made sure he took all his SAT II, AP Tests, and got his paperwork together to apply to three colleges. Meanwhile, me and kid #2 kept verbally planting the seed with our parents that we couldn’t depend on scholarships, loans, and grants for tuition. We HAD to keep the dream alive. And as needed, the three of us would get calls asking for our opinion on where to apply, what to take, and how to do something. I’m pretty sure these calls will continue through the next year…but we’re only happy to help.

By March-April, we had FINALLY got the news we were looking for! Our precious little brother got accepted to three schools (UC Berkeley being one of them) and our parents were going to help with tuition. Then the ball kept rolling as he won a small scholarship in an essay writing contest. We could all breathe a sigh of relief. The dream was going to live!

And so, on a windy Friday afternoon…the whole family sat in the stands of our high school’s football stadium and watched our brother lead half his classmates around the track. We screamed and cheered as he walked past us. We listened with pride as he spoke to his peers and guests in his Salutatorian address. We cracked up when we could see him smiling from ear to ear all the way up in the stands. And I particularly got a kick out of another family wanting to take his picture because “He could be the next Donald Trump!”

Congratulations, kiddo! Be proud and continue to kick ass! You know we have your back!

Reasons Why Dance Class Works Better than Couples Counseling

Twelve weeks ago, I saw an ad at my local YMCA on my way out after a workout. I read the whole ad twice and couldn’t believe my luck. For years I had been bugging Lenny about taking dance classes. His response was always the same: “Well honey, find us a class and I’ll do it.” Six or seven years later…I found one.

True to his word, Lenny gave me the green light to sign-up for the Beginners Social Dance. For nine Wednesdays, we would spend an hour learning how to dance formally to just about any kind of music: Cha-cha, Tango, Waltz, Foxtrot, Rumba…yep, we tried to do it all.

So, we had our last class on Wednesday. Two full hours of dancing! As we left the studio for our car, both Lenny and I reflected on how much fun we had during our class. And who could complain? We learned something new and exciting AND we did it together.

It got me thinking. A lot of things had happened over the course of nine Wednesdays. Lenny and I had to work together to learn something we had no clue about. We had fun. We fought. We laughed. We got pissy. But we worked it out. I kid you not, our dance class made me a better partner on and off the floor. It’s almost like I got a deeper understanding of what we as a couple were all about.

Let’s face it: Most people pay a therapist thousands of dollars to figure this out. We paid the YMCA membership deal of $88. And we’re going to do it again when classes resume in the fall.

In light of this, I spent the day thinking about how we grew during dance class. We all know my penchant for lists – so here goes:

1. “The man is KING on the dance floor!” – Our instructor stood at the front of the class and said, “Ladies, the man is KING on the dance floor.” The men cheered and the women snickered a “yeah right” under their breaths. Mary Lou was quick to add as the fellows puffed their chests out, “BUT…to be the king, you have to be perfect.” At that point, the women thought the roles had been reversed. C’mon…you want us to give up control?

What I did learn is yes…you do have to let the man be King of the Castle. He’s the quarterback of this two person dance team and if you aren’t following him, you’ll find yourself crashing into the wall. In application to my marriage, I realized that I do have a tendency (okay…habit) of being the attention getter of the two of us. But I have to learn to let Lenny be in the spotlight and play his game. He needs his ego stroked too!

2. The theory of “equal resistance” – One of the most important things to do in ballroom is connect with your partner. Without connection to your partner, your movements are useless. One part of that connection is “equal resistance.” Lenny’s right hand holds firm on my back, while my left hand grips that same arm. This is where we feel the give and take. This is how we communicate during the dance. If we do it right, one doesn’t over power the other and we move in unison.

Equal resistance in relationships is important because if one half of the team is off doing their own thing…how are they then going to hear the other half screaming for some attention? On the flipside, if one partner just keeps letting the other get away with things…what ground do they have to stand on when things reach a boiling point? Equal resistance/communication is vital.

3. The show really must go on – There were many many many times where we would be dancing and I would screw up the count or anticipate rather than let the King drive the team. But it was drilled into our heads that even if someone messes up…KEEP GOING. Go with your partner until you can find your place.

This concept was a snap to match up. As many of our close friends know, Lenny and I can get very combative. And there comes a point where neither of us really want to talk or argue about it anymore. That would be perfect if we were just locked up in the house all day. However, being the busy people we are, we’ve always made it a point that no matter how mad we are at each other, we’d NEVER let everyone see it publicly. Our business is our business and no one really ever wants to see bickering. Even in times of extreme frustration…the show must go on!

4. Learn to follow – When planning our wedding, Lenny used to make this joke. “Lily’s doing all the planning…I’m just being told when to show up!” Okay…so I’m a very Type-A personality with megalomaniacal tendencies. Sue me. And while I heard our teacher say, “The lady’s job is just to follow,” I had a really hard time with it for about three weeks. Even in the middle of dancing, I’d make recommendations to Lenny about what we were doing wrong. That finally came to a head at week five and I kind of got snippy.

It was then that I realized that I was hindering our progress. I didn’t have to be in charge all the time. I could actually just go with the flow. Once I learned that, it was smooth waltzing for both of us.

5. Let go or I’ll get rid of you! – Week three was the week we learned about the “arch turn.” You know…that’s where the guy lifts his arm and the girl twirls under it. Easy enough. But try doing that while completing a box step. I thought it was going to be simple. Repeatedly, it just felt wrong and looked wrong. After observing our attempts, my teacher pointed out that when Lenny lifted his hand, rather than loosening my grip, I was clutching his hand…very firmly. I was very frustrated after class, because I couldn’t overcome that step.

The thought rolled in my mind and I realized subconsciously, even a self-proclaimed woman like me was afraid to let go and spin off in a direction blindly. Worse off…it was like I didn’t trust Lenny to bring me back into the right position. How many times outside of class did I decide to do something because I didn’t think Lenny could take care of it? Too many times to remember. Next week, I finally forced myself to let go of his hand…and I stopped worrying if he could handle it.

I am going to miss my little Wednesday lessons until we come back around to them in September. While the dancing was fun, it also allowed me to remember that I’m a part of a two person team that presumably has no free agency.

Now that’s $88 well spent!

Chasing Orchid: Bittersweet Goodbye

As the readers know if they’ve been keeping up on the blog, I’m about to embark on the next stage of my life. As excited as I am about it, it’s also bittersweet for me. I’ve lived in this city for 20 plus years of my life, with a side jaunt living in St. Louis for a few years. I’ve made some really great friends in my hometown. My best friend of almost 24 years has been with me through it all.

We moved back to our hometown in the same year and rejoiced in the fact that we could see each other whenever we wanted. However, even the best laid plans can go to shit when one isn’t paying attention. Somehow our lives got so busy that we never got around to seeing each other as much as we would have liked. But despite that, we always manage to be around when the other needs support.

It’s not that I won’t miss my other friends, but she is the one I will miss the most. Even though she can’t stand to say goodbye, she’s always encouraged me to do what makes me happy, even if it means only seeing me once a year (if we’re lucky). It was during the last two weekends it really hit me that I wasn’t going to see her on a regular basis.

Memorial day weekend we went down to her beach cottage to just get away from the city and spend some time together. It’s amazing how much fun the two of us can have doing the simple things. We decided to go kayaking and enjoy the day. While we had a blast doing just that, the funniest thing that we’ll remember is when we finally finished our 12 mile paddle.

We couldn’t figure out why in the hell we had so much trouble kayaking back until we got out of the water and realized the plug was missing. We’d been slowly filling up the kayak with water! We laughed at our stupidity (typical of the two of us when we’re together) and proceeded to haul the damn thing uphill in the sand.

We were both extremely tired and literally crawled up the dune (which was sprinkled with poison ivy) pushing and pulling the two person, fiberglass kayak to the top. It didn’t help that we were laughing so hard we had to stop every few feet. But it’s those little things, like constant laughter, that make saying goodbye so hard. No matter our differences, we always manage to laugh.

The weekend after, we went back to the beach cottage to throw a 35th anniversary party for her parents (my surrogate parents). Afterwards a bunch of us stayed, talking and drinking. By this time we were all pretty buzzed and she was flat out drunk. But true to form, as I walked outside to talk to her she started bawling. This of course didn’t help my state of mind. However, between sobs, we managed to laugh too.

I don’t know about all of you, but I find it pretty special when I can find a friend I’m able to laugh and cry with in the same breath. I’m sure everyone that remained at the party thought we were both nuts. But we didn’t care. We’ve never really cared about what other people think.

I doubt I’ll ever encounter another person like her, because she is a one and only. And no matter what happens, where we go, or where we ultimately end up, I’m sure we’ll always remain friends.

All I have left to say is this….she damn well better come visit me! *wiping a tear and laughing*