It’s Not Like I Wanted to Taste All 31 Flavors

“Isn’t that right Lily?”

OMG…they’re NOT bringing me into this…

I sat at the kitchen table and looked at my siblings; they were waiting for me to answer my parents. I’m still not exactly sure why they asked me this particular question. Until that moment – it was ancient history.

What was supposed to be a simple trip home to help out a family member in need, turned into an Oprah/Jerry Springer/Montel Williams touching moment. Okay…it was trying to be. We were supposed to learn a great life lesson from my pending answer. The question: Was it better for me to not have dated in high school? My parents contend that I suffered no ill effects of this social choice. They wanted proof for my younger siblings.

And they wanted it now. “Well anak, wasn’t it better to not have a boyfriend until college?”

My parents were looking for a role model that would agree with them. I was asked to play along for the sake of the point.

Since when have you known me to play along?

“To be perfectly honest? I would have liked to have a little experience.”

Needless to say, that didn’t go over well with the lecture. I had a number of answers I could have said. I could have lied. I could have couched my answer into political correctness. But I just couldn’t follow. I thought back to those years in high school where boys and dating were not even options on the table. Add to that the angst of teenage self-esteem and body issues, and you had a teenage Lily who stayed home most of the time. The only dance I ever attended was my Prom. When I was at the mall, it was usually accompanying a parent. I had a few school trips, but the fear of screwing up kept me from causing any trouble.

Sure I had a few sleepovers with the girlfriends and there was Speech and Debate that sprung me out of the house on Saturdays, but other than that, I had no clue about dating and flirting. And then there was the whole virginity thing. Once the question left their lips and hung in the air, I found myself getting a little pissed off. How come I was the idiot who bought the whole “dating is for suckers” song and dance?

After a few days of thinking – I feel like I’ve been cheated!

After I answered my parent’s question, someone quickly said, “Well, you wouldn’t have found Lenny if you had dated around.” I contend that’s not necessarily true. I truly believe that Lenny and I were meant to be with each other. We would have found each other anyway. But I sit back and wonder how less awkward and painful the early part of my relationship with him would have been if I knew what the heck to do!

Let’s get one thing straight – I LOVE and ADORE my husband Lenny. I’m happy to grow old in love with him. And it’s not like I wanted to become a serial dater. But not having taken part of that experience, I feel like I missed something. It’s like what my friend Sunny said in the car today when we discussed the whole teenage social ball of wax, “It’s like knowing there are all sorts of flavors of ice cream out there. But you’re only allowed to have vanilla.”

It’s not like I wanted to taste all 31 Flavors at the Baskin Robbins. Maybe just one or two would have been nice. I’m human dammit! I have an ego!

I wanted someone to save me a seat at lunch. Carry my books between classes. Give me a single rose on Valentine’s Day to carry around. I wanted to wear his letterman jacket when I forgot mine. I wonder what it would have been like if I acted on my crush with the smart football player in my biology class that said he dug how fearless I was cutting into that frog. Could things have been different if I just allowed myself to flirt with the one guy in Spanish class who made me laugh? I wonder if someone out there desperately wanted to ask ME out. I wanted my own personal Brenda/Dylan experience!

I wonder what it would have been like to get shot down.

I know I can’t do anything about it now. I understand why my parents didn’t want me to date at that age. Parents get anxious. They had the best of intentions: My safety, my psyche, my honor, and they needed a babysitter after school and weekends.

Maybe I’m oversimplifying things. Maybe I didn’t miss much in the high school dating pool. It just feels like there will always be this “what if” in the back of my mind.

I’ll get over it – eventually.

BrownSuga's Sweet spot: Why can't we be friends? Part Duex

Last time on BrownSuga's sweet spot...

Can men and women be friends? From experience, our very own BrownSuga learned that the term friendship differs from men and women. And in her search for truth and justice the Ladder Theory was found. The theory that men want to sleep with every woman he meets and women separate the men she meets into two groups; those she would sleep with, if the situation arises and the guys who will only be friends no matter what they do. The theory and BrownSuga's experience only deals with heterosexual men and women but with such a controversial topic everyone has something to say.

We also met David and Gabrielle. They were just meeting in a bookstore. What will happen? WIll they sleep with each other? Does David have a chance?

And now the conclusion of Why Can't We Be Friends....

The ladder theory states that during that initial meeting between Gabrielle and David, David saw Gabrielle and figured she was cute enough to invest a bit of time into trying to get her in bed. When Gabrielle saw David, she determined that he would be a great friend, but only a friend.

When a man meets a woman he places her on his ladder. The top of the ladder represents the unattainable women. The women so gorgeous, he’d bust a nut if she smiled at him. The different levels of his ladder descend from there with the middle of the ladder representing the women they’d have sex with while drunk AND admit to it and the bottom of the ladder representing the women that while sober they’d never look twice at but if they get drunk enough they would have sex with them AND won’t admit to it. Men will simply have sex with any woman; some more easily than others but there isn’t a woman they won’t try to get into bed.

Men only have one ladder. All women they meet will fall somewhere on this ladder. The time spent with a woman can make a guy move her status on his ladder. Take the example above, David was initially attracted to Gabrielle but after a few weeks of seeing how cool she is for really being interested in sci-fi books, she climbed the ladder to a higher position.

When a woman meets a man the thought process is a bit more complicated (what isn’t with women) and usually subconscious but he is placed on a ladder. Women have 2 ladders. The first ladder is the friends ladder; the second is the real ladder. The men on the friends ladder are the guys that are in a woman’s friend zone. Chris Rock had a whole act on a woman’s friend-zone. He and the writer of this website claim once you’re in a woman’s friend zone you will NOT get out or off that particular ladder. Ladder jumping is what it’s been called.

There are many people who will disagree with this theory and there are those who will agree. The guys who swear they have female friends and the women who believe they have true guy friends. I don’t doubt there are exceptions to the rule. However, I do believe that if you ask any man to show you a woman who they will not have sex with, 9 times out of 10 that opinion can be changed within a short amount of time. This doesn’t make men disgusting or easy they are just visually sexual creatures. So ladies, that guy who listens to you talk about random things wants to get in your pants. And gentlemen if she says something to the effect of “ you are such a great friend”, sorry.

One commenter from last week’s blog says he is an exception to the rule. He has married female friends. Not to say it’s not true but right after I got married more guys propositioned me than before I got married. Just because a person is married does not mean the sexual attraction to that person disappears. You might have a moral code that will prevent you from approaching her/him in a sexual matter. But assume for a second you forget about your moral code on Saturday night and she in a rare instance appears at your door in only a trench coat, claiming that for one night she wants to be more than friends. She wants to know what it’s like to have you, are you going to turn her down? You can say as many times to all the people in the world that you wouldn’t dare sleep with her but honestly I just can’t believe that.

I have guy friends and at one time I would have sworn that this theory was trash. Then I really began looking at the friendships and talked to my girlfriends. That’s when I learned that each of those “friends” did research on how to make me more than a friend. Some tried and I being oblivious didn’t even catch it.

So how can guys and girls be friends? It can happen. There are two ways that I’ve found that works. The first way is if you let the attraction happen, acknowledge it and let it go. The attraction probably isn’t more than lust so it will pass. If it’s not just lust and you’re in love…well I’m not giving advice here, so do what you want. The second way it can happen is if you ignore it and never mention it to the other person. By not mentioning it and making them feel awkward, I think you have a better chance of saving the friendship. But once they know and they begin to overcompensate because they don’t reciprocate your feelings then the friendship is probably screwed. Of course there are probably other ways. I don’t know them, if you find them then more power to you.

I just found this site and thought it was funny. The relationship between men and women have been entertaining and perplexing the world since the beginning of time. I like to find the humor in it others seem to take it a bit more seriously.

Lily's Copping Out Again...

Yes, I'm copping out on a post tonight. But I have a reallllllly good reason! I'm off to the hometown for the weekend. In my absence, I present you the wonders of "synchronization."

And they say there's no creativty anymore...

Have a great weekend!
- Lily

Pit-bull, Love...Same Thing

“The physiology of being chased by a pit-bull and being in love is exactly the same.”

I picked-up my head from my notes and laughed with the rest of the training class. We had just finished watching a section of John Miller’s Question Behind the Question seminar and were discussing one of the main points. Our trainer looked at all of us and continued.

“Think about it. If you’re getting chased by a pit-bull, what happens to your body? Your heart rate goes up, your stomach gets butterflies. Your muscles get tense, right?” We all nodded. “Great. Now what happens when you walk in a room and see that perfect person?”

The group of twenty or so people who had gathered this morning for the seminar nodded and murmured. The light bulb had gone off. Our trainer smiled and reiterated the point Miller had made.

“So you see…Stress is a choice.”

Ain’t that the friggin’ truth? There are things in this life that we can and cannot control. But how we allow ourselves to take the reaction is something we control completely. We can blow it off and handle the problem or we can wallow in our own supposed misery.

It’s easy to whine and bitch, isn’t it? Humans are naturally so self-absorbed that we lose touch with the reality around us. During John Miller’s class, I learned that we’re so wrapped up in our little drama (Well, what WE believe is drama) that we call life, that we tend to become selfish and don’t see what the good things that happen before us. We focus on how the problem affects us, but don’t ever come up with solutions. Even worse yet, we focus on what’s wrong with everything/everyone else in our life, yet we never figure out that it’s ourselves that we have to fix.

Basically: We try to fix things in other people that we really need to fix in ourselves.

And then the end result is stress. Why? Ladies – have you cured your man of that one habit that annoys the crap out of you? Men – when was the last time your woman successfully listened when you said, “Not now honey…I’m watching the game?” Changing someone else is about as easy as…well…herding cats.

But we have a choice. Only we control the experience we have in life. I admit that I sat in my training class today and had to reflect. When I got laid off of my other job 5 years ago, I could have sat back and become what Miller calls a “Chief Whiner:”

Why did they have to lay me off? I gave them the five best years of my life! Didn’t any of my sacrifices mean anything to you people?! Ungrateful, that’s what you guys are. Your stupid company sucked anyway. You wouldn’t know good business from a hole in the ground…

And sadly, I did say exactly that as I drove home with the contents of my desk boxed up in the back seat. I was fully prepared to wallow in that mud pool. I didn’t know what I would do without the job. How was I going to pay for my bills? Who’s going to hire some smart ass with no college degree? Did this make me a failure? Up until then, I’d never experienced rejection before! According to everything society (and some relatives) was saying…the cards were stacked against me. I should have – by all rights – had a mental breakdown.

I chose not to. I didn’t choose stress. I chose to act.

I took a risk and accepted a job in an industry completely different from my previous one. I asked myself how I could better my surroundings. What could I do to improve myself? How could I keep learning and adapting to make myself stand out. Five years later…I have a career that I never dreamed of having! I have the respect of my peers, the company of good friends/co-workers, and live comfortably on my salary.

The beauty is that this attitude isn’t just about work. It’s about your entire life! You can choose stress or you can choose to act. You can pretend that it’s everyone else’s fault around you. Or you can wonder what it is you are doing to push everyone’s buttons. The only thing in this world you can change is yourself.

Stress is YOUR choice.

So what are you going to choose? Will you put all your energy in evading the pit-bull or will you take every ounce of knowledge you have and get giddy looking at the person you love?

BrownSuga's sweet spot: Why can’t we be friends?

Do you hear War in your head now?

A bit of background information…

In Get Set a.k.a. preschool a boy pulled one of my pigtails. I punched him in the face. My grandmother had to pick me up from school. In the third grade, Michael Luigi punched me in my arm. I punched him back.

I am not a violent person.

When I turned 11 in the sixth grade I hit puberty. My chest grew from nothing to a 36D. The boys didn’t notice because I hid them well.

My first date wasn’t until college. In high school I wasn’t really into boys. Most were immature and not very cute. I was the supportive friend to my girlfriends who went through the ups and downs of relationships. I watched them play “games” with boys and tried to be sympathetic, compassionate and encouraging but…

In college, I really started observing the male/female relationship from both sides. My “masculine” side was already there since middle and high school. My “feminine” side came into fruition in college. I began to do things to make myself appealing to men, nothing over the top or ridiculous. I wore clothes that fit (I was a fan of baggy clothes to hide whatever curves I had). I began to appreciate the male form and began to develop more than friendship feelings for some. I fell in love for the first time my 2^nd year of college.

One more thing that should be known, I am the type of woman who usually sides with the man in most arguments. I’ve watched women do and say stupid things. This isn’t to say all men are always right, but in a majority of instances that I’ve been privy to, my female friends can’t understand why I didn’t take their side.

And now for the blog…

Ladies, how many platonic male friends do you have?

Gentlemen, how many platonic female friends do you have?

In all likelihood, these numbers aren’t the same and the woman’s answer is probably higher.

A week before going to college my dad gave me one piece of advice “No man wants to be your friend”

I will always remember that and it has shaped how I answer the core question, ‘Can men and women be just friends?’

Most people would assume that I believe that yes men and women can be just friends, but I don’t. There are exceptions to that rule, but generally I find that it isn’t the ‘norm’.

About 5 years ago I began formulating this theory about men and women. Then about 5 months ago I stumbled across a website that gave my theory a name, The Ladder Theory. Basically the theory explains the difference between a man’s relationship with a woman and a woman’s relationship with a man. *** Note: This theory deals with heterosexual men and women only. ***

Ex. David sees Gabrielle at the bookstore. He thinks she’s relatively attractive and musters up the guts to approach her. Gabrielle being the pleasant person she is, is nice to David and they find they have similar interests in books. David asks Gabrielle for her phone number and she gives it to him. For the next few weeks they meet up a couple of times and after sharing a pizza while talking about the latest #1 best-seller they both read, David tries to kiss Gabrielle. Gabrielle backs away and sweetly explains to David that they are “just friends”. The following week when Gabrielle runs into David at the bookstore and tries to talk to him about another book, he retreats and stops all contact with her.

...stay tuned to find out what happens between David and Gabrielle.

On Lily's iPod: The Evolution of Robin Thicke

If you remember Robin Thicke at all, you remember him for his 2003 hit, “When I Get You Alone.” The first (and only) single released from his debut album, Beautiful World had people wondering about the man behind the voice. Sampling Beethoven’s 5th Symphony and a disco beat, Thicke’s playful and desperately soulful vocal had many people up and dancing.

Though the single was thought to be a promising start, Beautiful World only sold 58,000 copies here in the U.S. And like a majority of talented people, Thicke just seemed to disappear from the music scene. He sank back into production and created hits for singers like Mya, Brandy, and Christina Aguilera.

And that’s probably where he would have stayed if uber-producer Pharrell hadn’t gotten a hold of him in 2005. The Neptune’s founder was one of “the cult” that bought the CD and liked it. Impressed by Thicke’s talent, Pharrell inquired with Interscope’s Jimmy Iovine and signed him on his Star Trak imprint. The end result is Thicke’s sophomore effort entitled, The Evolution of Robin Thicke.

What we get in Thicke’s second album is a left of center take on the “white guy who doesn’t sing like he’s white” vocal mixed with some pretty interesting beats. However, the album has a few aspects that hinder it from becoming the perfect welcome back that Robin Thicke fans would like it to be.

There are some great standout tracks on this CD. “Lost Without U” is hot on the video charts right now. But don’t overlook the other tracks. Faith Evans lends her talent to “Got 2 Be Down,” giving it a smooth, yet punchy vibe. “Complicated” sounds like a classic that Carol King would have composed and Smokey Robinson would have vocalized. The same can be said for the Commodore-esque “All Night Long.” The Latin infused “Everything I Can’t Have” is a really fun and addictive song. My personal favorite is a revamp by rapper Lil’ Wayne of Beautiful World’s “Shooter,” which was featured on The Carter Vol. 2 in 2005. It makes me feel like a badass…what can I say?

The best part of this CD hands down, is Thicke’s vocal abilities. The falsetto baby…it’s ALL about that angelic falsetto. Note for note, he gives Justin Timberlake a run for his money and then passes him by because there’s an experience to it. When he’s on, you actually can feel and believe what he’s singing. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have range. Switching tones comes easily and naturally, and more importantly, it comes at the right time.

The variety of musical style is pretty impressive. Thicke and his team find a way to meld his vocals with the simplicity of just a guitar and/or piano (which Robin Thicke plays himself) or funk up something that could have been boring. It certainly keeps you on your feet.

As many things as it has going for it – there are a number of things that are wrong with The Evolution of Robin Thicke. The album isn’t as tight as it should be. It just seems to take too long to find its groove. At sixteen total tracks (on the deluxe edition), it isn’t incredibly long. It just feels like it. Because it feels like it’s too long, by the time you get to the last songs, you wonder what the whole point was.

Add to that the fact that there were some really bad choices production-wise. The worst offender is “Cocaine,” which just sounds like Prince done very badly by a talent show band. And lyrically, it is hit or miss. The Evolution of Robin Thicke is meant to take us on an emotional journey, but for word buffs, it’s a trip without a map. I seriously hope I’m missing a metaphor or something in “Teach U a Lesson.” Otherwise, this is just a creepy and dirty song.

There are a number of collaborations on The Evolution of Robin Thicke. And for the most part, they work really well. Except for “Wanna Love U Girl.” I like Pharrell and I thank him for digging Robin Thicke out of the dustbin…but his entry sounds like “The Neptune’s and Robin Thicke.” It should be the other way around if you’re trying to collaborate. Just not what I’m used to from a musical genius.

Robin Thicke is at his best when the main focus is on his vocal performance. As my speech coaches used to tell me, a great delivery will cover for sub-par material. With very few exceptions, when the production only calls for a simple musical arrangement with Thicke’s voice – like it does in “Angel” --chances are you’ll like the song.

Message to Robin: Keep it simple, baby. We love you for you…don’t try to be someone else!

My final verdict on The Evolution of Robin Thicke is that you should definitely try it out. Thicke is too good of a vocalist to pass him by. While there are a few of tracks that I’ll be un-clicking when importing the CD to my iPod, there are more than enough songs on the CD to justify keeping it on my regular rotation.

The Day After: For the Cynics of Love Everywhere

In the interest of fairness -- and to combat the icky, gooey love hangover from yesterday -- I thought it'd be fun to take the flipside. Yes cynics, I'm throwing you a bone!

For those of you thinking that yesterday was a complete waste...I give to you a few greeting cards that Hallmark more than likely rejected.

Even they have an off day!

Enjoy the selection and feel free to use these in a pinch!

"Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it.

She moved in with me."

"Looking back over the years

That we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband."

"How could two people as beautiful as you

have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

Someon to love.

After having met you...

I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in hell until I met you."

"When we were together,

You always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise."

Be Careful What You Wish For

Howdy MGF Faithful! I'm off celebrating Valentine's Day with Lenny. But I didn't want to leave you hanging.

Actually...I just wanted to leave my fellow ladies with a little warning. Remember how I said we are part of the Valentine's Day problem? Yeah...remember that your guy really loves you and that it could be worse. He could have had Stephen Lynch write you this love song:



HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Love often...laugh lots.

BrownSuga's Sweet spot: A lil' known black history fact x 5

Every year we celebrate Black History month. I am one of those people who enjoys learning about Black history anytime of the year (but during February you can throw it in people's faces and they have to smile j/k). For so many years blacks were oppressed and denied basic human rights, that when you hear about someone who accomplished anything in spite of the racial injustice it makes you feel good. And the amazing and also sad thing is that today people are still making history. In 2007 there are still things that when done by a black man or woman will make the news. For instance, Tony Dungy is the first black head coach in the NFL to win a Superbowl. And him and Lovie Smith were the first ever to even make it to the Superbowl. But here are 5 others who you might not have heard of, but made it a point to overcome oppression or do something different, all in interesting ways. Enjoy!

1. Cathay Williams (b. 1842) Born into slavery, Williams was freed by Union soldiers during the Civil War. Until November of 1866 she worked as a paid servant for the Army. But wanting financial independence she decided to join the Army instead. Obviously women weren't allowed to join the army, so she pretended to be a man, William Cathay (lucky for her medical examinations weren't enforced yet). She became the first female Buffalo Soldier in the Thirty-eighth United States Infantry, Company A. In 1868, just two years after enlisting, Williams grew tired of military life and feigned illness. When the doctors checked her out, and found her to be a she and not a he, she was discharged.

2. Thomas L. Jennings (b. 1791) Jennings was the first African American to hold a United States patent. A tailor from New York, Jennings' patent was for a dry-cleaning process. He was issued the patent in 1821. With the money he earned from his invention, Jennings helped fund abolitionist causes.

3. Jasmine Lawerence (b. 15 years ago) Yup, just 15 years old, this amazing entrepreneur is taking hair to the next level. Madame C.J. Walker introduced black women to hot combs, processing and other chemicals. Miss Lawerence is introducing the black community to all natural products to create the same result. Many of us have had that relaxer that took out more than expected, including Jasmine, and now she is trying to help others before it happens to them. Check out her stuff Eden Body Works coming to a Wal-mart shelf near you.

4. Dr. Vivien Thomas (b. 1910) His name might not sound familiar but his work is everlasting. Dr. Thomas was a surgical technician in the 30's, 40's and 50's. Working along side Dr. Alfred Blalock, they made huge advances with issues like Blue Baby Syndrome and other extensive cardiac techniques. In 1946, Thomas developed a technique for improving circulation in patients whose great vessels were transposed. Called an atrial septectomy, the procedure was executed so flawlessly by Thomas that Blalock, upon examining the nearly indetectable suture line, was prompted to remark, "Vivien, this looks like something the Lord made." And that may ring a bell because in 2004 HBO Films made the documentary Something the Lord Made starring Mos Def (one of my favorite actors and lyrists) and Alan Rickman (another favorite actor of mine). For me this story is especially personal because my grandfather was in the same boat as Vivien Thomas. Not everyone gets a movie about their life, but the breakthroughs they made are enough.

5. Gwyn Mackenzie (b. 1998) Not completely sure about this child's heritage but her talent transcends race. At eight years old, this adorable little girl is singing arias in 4 different languages. She began singing and playing the piano at age 3. "When I first started it just, like, came out and I was like, 'Ooh, I like this,'" she says of opera and it's beautiful tones. Already featured on Oprah and the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, she's just getting started. And for those who don't even enjoy opera, listening and watching this little girl belt out those notes is simply amazing.


All amazing people. Do what I do and take the time to find out about some a little lesser known than Martin Luther King Jr or Harriet Tubman. Simply amazing.

MGF to the Rescue: Valentine’s Day Fix

Okay guys…it’s three days to V-Day. And for some of you, that strikes fear into your hearts. No matter what anyone says, Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday specifically designed for the ladies. Yeah, I’m going to admit it. The retail world is laughing with glee right now at your misfortune. But you can’t just ignore this holiday.

That would spell certain disaster for you.

So, I’m here to help you out. Look, it’s too late for the skywriter, the first class tickets to France, and who really wants to just give flowers and candy again? As a public service, I’m gonna help you through this with some gift ideas. Think of me as your MGF Fairy Godmother. Here’s how you can get through the holiday looking like a champ, without spending all your pocket change:

Date Night in the Comfort of Your Place:

What’s a better way to say “I Love You” than setting up some one-on-one time? But let’s take it a step further than a Chick Flick night. First off, stop and get some popcorn supplies. For those of you with one around, Cost Plus World Markets have some really cute popcorn bowls and accessories. Swing by their food department for some tasty gourmet corn, or go to the grocery store and grab some microwave stuff. If you can find movie candy, you might just never have to sit through “The Joy Luck Club” ever again.

Speaking of movies…you’re going to need one or two DVDs for this. Tuesday is new release day. Pick up something like “Marie Antoinette.” She gets a movie that doesn’t involve blowing stuff up. You get to see Kristen Dunst in low cut French dresses. It’s a win-win. Otherwise, pick-up something neutral and fun (I LOVE my Volume 1 set of “The Animaniacs!”) so no one feels left out.

Finally, go for the comfort factor. Pick-up some comfy pajamas or loungewear; along with a nice throw blanket. Also awesome here: Sweaters, socks, or slippers. You want to cuddle her, right? Make sure she cuddles in comfort!

Destination Anywhere:

Okay…we’ve all heard about the “OMG he bought me tickets to !!!!” Yeah, that’d be nice. But you don’t have the liquidity to do a first class trip and let’s face it…time’s a wasting. So let’s start with something a little easier.

Head off to your local bookstore. Grab a blank travel journal. If you really want to splurge a little, get her a Moleskin notebook. You can really impress her by saying Hemingway used to jot his story thoughts down in one of these. Just don’t remind her of the whole suicide thing. That’s a downer.

Next, head for the travel section of the bookstore. This is kind of where you’re on your own. Select a travel guide for someplace you two have wanted to go to together. Is it a three-day weekend? A road trip? A European vacation? Your choices are endless. But make sure you pick-up something that will be informative or a jumping point to planning the trip. In addition, grab a map. You may not be driving, but it’ll add to the excitement of planning.

Finally, wrap it all up. But don’t wuss out and use a gift bag or a box. Drop your travel gifts into a nice travel bag. If you’re hot-n-heavy with your love, get full on luggage. If you aren’t ready for that, get a cute carry all bag. It’s a purse, guys. She’ll LOVE it.

You Are Better Than Martha Stewart:

If you don’t recall from previous entries on this Blog: CHICKS DIG GUYS WHO CAN MAKE FOOD. Yeah, yeah…I know you’ve just mastered Ramen and Jell-O is next on your list. And not all of you can whip up pies like my cousin’s hubby.

BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T TRY.

There are two ways to do this. If your girl likes to spend some off time in the kitchen, then score points by hooking her up with an afternoon of baking. With you as her assistant of course. Pick-up some new baking utensils and add a splash of “WOW” with a retro apron. To add a personal touch to the whole package, handwrite out a cookie recipe that you’d like to try. Its together time and food. How can you go wrong?

However, if your girl is just getting the hang of boiling water yourself, then an afternoon in the kitchen might be a bit much. So…make the treats yourself. Oh, stop hyperventilating! It’s not that big of a deal. No, you aren’t going to buy everything ready made. But you’ll come close.

Option two for this gift is to use every bit of modern convenience that you can. Being a lazy society has its advantages. In this case, those advantages would be ready-made, just-pop-it-in-the-oven baking goods. Nestlé’s ”Break and Bake” cookies take only 10-12 minutes in the oven. They come in a variety of flavors and even have SHAPED cookies for Valentine’s Day. That crafty Pillsbury Doughboy has unleashed ready to bake brownie batter that just needs to be spread into the pan. Want to look like a real stud? Then go for Duncan Hines’ baking kits that, with a little careful planning, look like a restaurant quality dessert. Get a nice tin or bakery box and voila! You’re ready to roll!

Alright…off you go! Time is ticking boys and a card isn’t going to hack it this year. And ladies, I think it goes without saying that these gifts can easily be turned around for the guy in your life. Just because Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about us, doesn’t mean you don’t have to try!

And Sometimes You’re Forced to Talk About It

In the middle of a data entry frenzy and over the sounds of my tunes I heard Sunny say, “No way…Anna Nicole is dead.” Not having the time to sneak a peek at the internet and not really into the paparazzi and gossip thrill ride that was Anna Nicole’s life, I nodded to myself at my desk and sighed a “That’s too bad.”

I put my head back down and set back to work.

Then, my boss chimed in, which started off a new round of discussion. To which I finally spoke up and said, “Well…it sounds bad…but at least it’s over.” The comment was greeted with a gasp and “That’s mean.”

Well, if you’re going to make me talk about it…sheesh. Fine. I’ll say it.

I’m NOT an Anna Nicole fan. I didn’t agree with the way she lived her life. People will call her stupid, but she was savvy enough to get a reality show, three husbands, and endorsements. Anna Nicole emulated one of the most famous starlets in history in Marilyn Monroe. The look, the talk, and even the name change. Why? Because when a girl comes from as an underprivileged background as Anna Nicole – all you really want from the world is attention.

And then you find out all the attention comes with bigger, badder, and meaner demons than you can ever possibly imagine. She was a girl spinning out of control at 100 miles per hour until she came to a screeching halt today at age 39. And now she’s splashed all over the media pavement like road kill.

So yes, it’s a good thing she’s not here anymore.

Now she can get whatever rest she’s looking for. For those of us who believe in an afterlife or spiritual beings can agree that she’ll be able to take care of everyone she loves better than she could here on earth. Wherever she ended up, her life is her own and she will be at peace.

Just as soon as we stop dissecting her life and death.

We can blame that horrid Nancy Grace or the slimy Geraldo Rivera. But really, most of us make a choice to watch it.

There, I said it. And now I can go back to what I was doing before.

Sometime’s It Just Has to Be Said

It’s about that time.

We’re into the second month of the year and I’ve been observing and watching the world. And yeah…some of you need a talking to. Some of you will get props; most of you will get smacks on the head. I’m dying to get this stuff off my chest.

And since I have a blog…you are a captive audience.

To the Woman at Work Wearing the CAMOFLAGE Skirt – Sweetie…last time I checked we do not have an Urban Soldier division of our Armed Forces. And despite the mermaid-esque hemline, decent length, and “Hey I’m casual!” drawstring…NOTHING makes camouflage cute. Nor does anything make it work appropriate (unless you’re in Baghdad). And come to think of it, with that belly shirt you were rocking, that skirt really isn’t appropriate ANYWHERE. Exercise some taste please!

Peyton Manning Haters – Look…SCOREBOARD. He won a ring and you can stop bitching about it. No, he wasn’t “Perfect Peyton” and maybe they awarded him the MVP based on the merits of his career. But what he did last Sunday was his job – and that was to be a quarterback. A quarterback makes his decisions and the team lives and dies by them. I bet you my paycheck there isn’t a man in the Colt’s locker room that would say he didn’t deserve it. Step off, hater. Now…if we’re talking about his shiftless brother…

Rex Grossman Haters – Listen Bears Fans. The boy is 26-years old. The aforementioned Mr. Manning took 7-years to get to his first Super Bowl ring. You expect the same thing from Grossman? Don’t get me wrong…he’s good. But he’s not Peyton Manning. He’s still a lot of maturing to do as a quarterback. Just because you lost the Super Bowl (which YOU haven’t been to since…what? Oh yeah, I was 9-years old!), don’t freak out. If he’s the quarterback some people think he is, he can turn the corner. And get off the guy’s back…or do I have to call you out for going gaga over “The Super Bowl Shuffle?”

Ad Executives – As my friend, G-Man pointed out at the Super Bowl shindig, “2006 was a GREAT year for songs in commercials.” Heck yeah it was! My current wish list includes “You Remind Me (Radio Edit)” by Royskopp (the Geico Caveman Commercial), “What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life” by Dusty Springfield (Journey Diamonds), “Wraith Pinned to the Mist (And Other Games)” by Of Montreal (Outback Steakhouse), and “Flathead” by The Fratellis (iPod). Do you realize that means my TV viewing has gone up significantly? Good job…keep this up and I might catch up with “Ugly Betty” like most normal people.

Delusional American Idol Hopefuls – Okay, Simon is a “gap in the posterior.” Paula’s might be a little delusional (*cough cough* high *cough cough*). And maybe Randy is a little meaner. That still doesn’t make you talented. You can’t fix SUCK. I hope you look back on these auditions and cringe with embarrassment.

The Guy Who Uses the Elliptical Trainer Before Me at the YMCA – You are looking good, my friend. We started working out at about the same time and you’ve lost what? Thirty, forty pounds? GQ-ing it and looking fine. But one thing….WIPE DOWN THE DAMN ELLIPTICAL TRAINER WHEN YOU’RE DONE! I’ve seen the way you towel off after working out! You hate your sweat as much as we do, so what makes you think I enjoy the “surprise” you leave on the handle bars?!

A Message to the “Adults” at Last Week’s Speech Event – You know, the kids we work with have the balls to get up in front of people and COMPETE while volunteers sit there and CRITIQUE their every move. These are the same kids whose psyches need to be protected from things like grades and reprimands. So, these kids are putting themselves out there on a limb with their performances to either win or lose. But you don’t want to judge an event you’ve never done before because you’re not qualified? SUCK IT UP. These kids have guts to take a risk…shouldn’t you?

Random Call Out (You Know Who!) – If it “only takes a minute to do” why don’t you do it?

My MGF Fans – Hey…don’t know how I totally missed this! WE’VE BEEN AROUND A WHOLE YEAR! And people told me it couldn’t last! What now sucker?!?! WHAT NOW!?

BrownSuga’s sweet spot: You say toe-may-toe I say toe-mah-toe

<>Democrat or Republican?

Pro-Choice or Pro-Life?

Creation or Evolution?

Compact Discs or MP3s?

Corporate America or Entrepreneur?

Books or Movies?

Colleges/University or the School of Hard Knocks?

Cats or Dogs?

The world is filled with debates. With every stage of life a new decision is brought to my attention. Some require very deep soul searching such as choosing a fur baby. And with my obvious love of a certain pet, can I even be friends with those who love the other? I spend a great deal of time with this dilemma. We’re talking a member of your family. And my enormous abhorrence of a breed has caused friction before.

The day I got married the question “So, when are you having kids?” became the number one question asked to my husband and I. Well that morphed into the debate of having children or being the favorite aunt (like my friend Ms. Lily). And it is now that the REAL debate begins…

Women all over the world have contemplated on this debate, even if they choose not to have children. June Cleaver, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the Feminist movement, Roe vs. Wade, birth control pills, Murphy Brown, the Cosby Show, Oprah Winfrey, Diane Keaton, and many other people and movements have help shape women’s arguments on this debate.

Fights have broke out, tears have been shed, friendships destroyed, names have been called, positions have changed over this debate and all on Oprah…just kidding. But a show of hers brought the debate back to my attention. What is the debate that causes such heated emotions and thought provoking discussions?

Stay at home moms vs. working moms.

Ask any woman her opinion regardless of if she has children or even want children and I bet they have an opinion on it. The usual argument is…AND PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A HUGE GENERALIZATION NOT MEANT TO PUT WORDS IN ANYONE’S MOUTH. THESE ARE JUST RIDICULOUS COMMENTS I PERSONALLY HEARD WHILE THIS DEBATE WAS BEING DISCUSSED…

Stay at home moms say working moms don’t love their children enough and working moms say stay at home moms don’t have anything for themselves.

I’ve always prided myself on being an open-minded person, someone who takes the time and effort to see the world from other people’s perspectives. I still have my personal opinions and am willing to voice my views to anyone who asks but I no longer try to change people’s minds. And I expect people to give me the same courtesy. No one but me (and maybe my husband) has to agree with which option I think is best. The part I do try and make known is just because one way is good for me doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone.

The episode of Oprah that brought on numerous women, some stay at home moms and some working moms, the thing I noticed was there was one side that seemed to refuse to believe that the women on the “other side” made the best decision for themselves. It’s a heated debate. No one wants to be told by a stranger that they don’t love their children because they choose to go back to work or that they obviously have nothing to call their own because they choose to stay home.

I just read Freakonomics by the Harvard boys. If you haven’t read it I strongly recommend it. About 99% of the book I agreed with the logic and appreciated the avenue in which it was explained. One chapter is on parenting and if it really matters. Basically they determined that a child is more likely to be effected by everything their parents do BEFORE they even have children than by the things they do after the child is born. This isn’t to mean that the raising of a child doesn’t matter because it does. But what I took from the information is that a lot of the times what we think a matter in the development of a child doesn’t really matter.

You’ve heard the phrase “it’s about quality not quantity” and unless you’re in the national wing eating contest that usually is true. A mother can spend all day home with her child but if she spends that time ignoring or abusing that child obviously the child is not being raised in a loving a safe environment. However a working mother who makes sure to cook and eat dinner with their child every night and makes it to their basketball game and kiss them goodnight is the kind of mother I would say is doing an excellent job. But I can also see that the stay at home mom who helps with the school play and cheers from the front row does a much better job than the mother who works 18 hours a day is gone before her children are up and doesn’t get home till they are asleep.

Every debate has two sides, it’s the American way. I am not trying to change anyone’s mind. I just thought it was amazing the fierce fighting that goes on between women when it comes to this decision. But riddle me this MGFers, why don’t we ever hear of men arguing this point?

And for a friend of mine, he knows who he is, books are better than movies in my opinion :)

Do They Have 12-Step Programs for Ballroom?

It’s official. Dance class has crossed the line from “hobby” to “addiction.”

How do I know? It isn’t my insistence that Lenny and I attend every single regular class, make-up class, or refresher course that we can. It’s not because when I listen to ANY music, I’m searching for the beat and naming out the dance (Did you know that Goldfrappe’s “Ooh La La” is a great song for a swing?). It’s not even the fact that I just plopped down $86 for a really nice pair of dance shoes!

Oh no. Dance class became an addiction when I bought the $2 brush for the soles of those shoes.

But is it really an addiction? Why is it when you add “addict” to “dance,” it sounds like I’m curled up in fetal position in a corner because I didn’t attend a session this week. Put the word “addict” in there, and ballroom dance all of a sudden feels…DIRTY. Being addicted to something makes it sound seedy, like people are whispering behind our backs.

“Ooooh! Did you hear the news?

“No…what’s up?”

“Lily and Lenny White? Total DANCE ADDICTS.”

“Tsk. Tsk. And they were such a nice couple.”

“Um hmm. They probably hang out at juke joints dancing for anything with a beat.”

“Hm. They’re probably high on Samba. What a pity...cigarette?”

“No thanks…I’m trying to cut back to two packs a day.”

Today, anything and everything is an addiction. But it’s not as abnormal as you might think it is. My Social Physchology professor told us on the first day of college that addiction is part of human nature. Humans get a hold of something and we either can live with it or we crave it. Unfortunately, even the most innocent and simple things get caught up in that definition nowadays. It’s just not a pretty or nice word and it should be reserved for substances and behaviors that are destructive.

I can understand why we’re so quick to tack on the word “addict” for compulsive wants/behaviors. For a lot of us, addiction has had a negative connotation ever since we were old enough to “Just Say No.” Countless public service announcements, ABC After School Specials, and more than a few episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 dealt with the subject of addiction. The message was loud and clear: Hugs not drugs (Or excessive amounts of alcohol….hey, there’s a DIFFERENCE)!

Even Merriam-Webster links the word in definition to these vices:

Pronunciation: \ə-‘dik-shən, a-\
Function: noun
Date: 1599
1: the quality or state of being addicted
2: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

But seriously, we have to snap out of misusing this word or we’ll look back on this time in history and go “Was there a 12-step program for EVERYTHING?!” Everyone who wants to be remembered as the portion of civilization who couldn’t handle lip balm usage, raise your hand. Yeah…that’s what I thought. Come on people…help yourselves out, because that’s just ridiculous!

A Starbuck’s habit might suck the life out of your pocket book like smoker buying cigarettes, but last we checked, coffee wasn’t responsible for at least two types of cancer. My need to go to dance class is nothing compared to someone who’s willing to sell themselves for a hit of the drug du jour. Lenny’s obsession with Weird Al Yankovic never killed anything, alcohol on the other hand has racked quiet the death toll.

Use the word addiction for the serious stuff like illness, harmful obsessive behavior, and chemical dependencies. Not for habits like amassing the largest Hello Kitty sticker collection in the world!

…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Is there?

***Please note: Lily White DOES NOT have a Hello Kitty stick collection.